help i have a husband and a boyfriend.?

Question

i am separated from my husband i have a new boyfriend but he can't accept that my husband and i are on good terms for the childrens sake. when i have my kids around my boyfriend behaves oddly. the other day he said "when i look at your kids i don't see you i see him. " and "why do you have to be friends with him? i don't like sharing. i feel like i am sharing you with him." i am not friends with him. when i call my ex husband. it's at the kids bed time to say good night to them. and yes sometimes the ex and i will talk for ten minutes about the kids and work. what do you think i should do? i don't want to leave my new man but if he can't like my children.......you see my problem. advice please
thanks zoey

Answer 1

First of all grow up and be a mother. Why would you bring someone into your children's lives who talks like that about them? Give me a break here! Stop being so selfish. Your children need you and your almost ex to be on good terms and it seems you are on the right path, but you're not even divorced and you have a boyfriend? Geez, don't you think your kids need time to adjust to mommy and daddy breaking up. You need to be there for them. Tune in to them and help them with their feelings, etc.... Kids grow up way to fast, you will have your life back but until then, the kids come first! Take care of them, nurture a good relationship with their dad and if and when the time is right start slowly dating and not jumping in so fast and serious with some guy.

Answer 2

Unfortunately some people , men and women alike are insecure, or have jealousy issues and have trouble accepting thier partners friendships with members of the opposite sex, especially an ex spouse. In your case its very important , and your very lucky to be on friendly terms with your ex for the sake of your children. They are your priority, and any new man in your life must be willing to accept your children and the fact that they are your first priority. If he cant or wont be a positive influence on your kids, and be someone you can trust to help raise them then hes not for you. Your ex will be a part of your life prolly forever to some degree, a mature , secure man wont have a problem with that, and understands that. A good relationship with your ex wil make things so much easier you should try to maintain that as well. It sounds like your man has some growing up to do, or possibly isnt right for you under the circumstances.

Answer 3

I had a girlfriend with three kids once. Their father wasn't really a huge part of their lives at the time, but when ever I saw him, I encouraged him to be more in their lives. I was very close with my father and I know that there is no bond like the one between a father and his child (when the father is actually a father) and I would never want to deprive anyone of that. If your boyfriend isn't mature or secure enough to realize that the father of your children should and will always have a place in the lives of you and your children, then what else can you really do? I suppose maybe you do something or act in some way that makes him feel like the husband still has a shot and will always have a foot in the door with you, so maybe you could do things (or not do things you may do depending) to assure him, but otherwise, the situation is what it is. He's going to deal with it or not.

Answer 4

If this guy has a problem with your kids then you should dump him. Your kids come first. Even if it means spending the rest of your life alone for your kids' sake, not that you'll have too.

This chump has issues that you don't have the time or energy I'm sure to help him work through. That time and enrgy would be best focused on your kids.

I think it's very big of you and your husband to have remained on good terms to the sake of the kids. Trust me when they grow up they'll remember and appreciate it.

If I were single and met a woman that gave her kids the attention they deserve and if she had a good relationship with her ex for the kids sake I would be very attracted to this woman. Nothing is more appealing than a mother or father that loves their children.

Dump this goof and I assure you someone better will come along.

Answer 5

OK, you can't have a "new man" until you're done with the old one. If I were your guy, I'd be tripping too. He's adjusting to being an outsider of sorts, and his girlfriend is STILL MARRIED, with no end of the marriage in sight. Not only that, it's not healthy for your kids. They pick up on the vibe among you. Yes, you and your husband are on good terms for their sake, but he is not your ex-husband, he's your husband. If the situation were reversed, would you be cool with this? I don't think so.

You're asking a lot of your "boyfriend." You should decide if your marriage is over and end it, or not involve yourself in other relationships until you do.

Answer 6

Insecure. Reassure him that if you wanted to be with your ex you would be. Get the divorce done. That is very important, if you don't your sending false signals all the way around. Let him know that you love him, but if he cannot accept your children there is not going to be a relationship. The children are your number one priority, and they will eventually see his resentment. Start by finishing up the divorce and talking to your new man. Ask your kids how they feel about the new guy. How does he make them feel? Than let your ex know there are boundaries. The two of you should communicate for the children, but that's where it ends. If this does not satisfy the new guy, most likely he is just going to hold a grudge, which doesn't make much of a relationship for you or your kids.

Answer 7

It doesn't sound like your new guy is ready to accept your kids. Nor does he sound mature enough, or secure enough, to understand the importance of you and your ex having a good relationship and how much being able to do this will benefit your children. I'm sorry to say but I think you better think of easing this new guy out of your life before he possessiveness creates real problems for you. Good luck. Just remember, men are like buses. The first one that stops for you might not being going in your direction, so just sit back and wait for the right one, which is always on it's way.

Answer 8

Why the question to start with? I mean, sounds to me like you are just like most women in the world. You only care about what you like and want. Sounds from the answers, this point has been proven about many women too.

You left out what the reason for divorce is. That would be pertinent. If you arent divorced and have a boyfriend, what kind of example do you set? If you are divorcing for other then your husband cheating on you, you are wrong anyway.

Stop asking questions. You will do what you like and want and what suits your needs, no matter who says what to you anyway, right?

Answer 9

He has to at least treat your children well. If he doesn't then he doesn't accept the fact that you are a mother, he doesn't respect you. Your boyfriend is immature because he can't see the reasons for being on good terms with your ex. Here you are being a friend to the father of your children, you said you are doing what's best for your kids right? Do you believe that having a man around who "behaves oddly" around your children is best? Flash forward to a extremely serious relationship. How do you think he'll treat your kids? By the way I applaud you for still keeping your family together, not many kids have parents like you.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to say that's a train wreck just waiting to happen. Get out while the gettin is good!

If your b/f can't understand you're doing this for the good of the children, then he is not worth your time.

And that whole "when I look at your kids, I don't see you, I see him" thing? That's a HUGE red light. I mean Titanic Iceberg huge. It may not seem that big a deal on the outside, but underneath that's a very big sign there is seriously something wrong with this guy.