both men and womans opinions plz?

Question

I have been with my Fiance' for almost 4 years. we have split up twice in the past. Once was because I wasnt happy, and it lasted 5 weeks.Once because I caught him cheating, that lasted almost 3 months(the breakup). He Drives truck over the country, 48 states, since we have been back together I have had trust issues with him. my trust issues arent just because of him; every man I have been with has cheated on me.since we have been back together for the last year things have been great, I am six months pregnant and we are both very excited. here's the question he recently told me he had dinner with a woman on the road as just friends and that she is only a friend. And that he wants to try to hook her up with his best friend. He three way'd her on his cell phone trying to get me to talk to her and be friends. but I see her as a could be future threat THAT I WILL NEVER MEET IN PERSON. Just like when he cheated. Is it okay for him to have dinner with her and call her? am i over reacting?

Answer 1

Your relationship with this guy has so many problems. Your trust issues are well founded, since he did cheat. You need to go to couples counseling....both of you. He needs to come clean about all that he had done and you need to learn how to trust men. If all the men in your life have cheated on you...you are attracting and are attracted to the wrong kind of man. You need individual counseling to deal with your issues, which are probably many layered.

It is really too bad that you are bringing a child into this very unhealthy relationship. So now you must be unselfish and choose what is best for the child. The most important thing the child needs is a happy mother, not one stressing about what the daddy is doing and who he is doing it to. Would you be better off without this guy? Take control of your life. Your happiness depends on YOU. Do not let this guy control who you are and how you feel.

Answer 2

I don't really think it is ok to have dinner with another woman. The summer before I got married, I had lunch and went bowling with a female friend and I now know that I shouldn't have. There was never any thought in my head of cheating, but it just is not right to do. I won't even ride in a car with some other woman just because it could be seen by someone and then you know how rumors flow. 4 people down the grapevine, I would be having a romantic dinner with her. So, I just try not to be alone with the oppisite sex. My answer is no, it is not OK.

Answer 3

having dinner with someone out on the rode is not cheating.. it gets very lonely out there. How come you don't go on a run with him.
I know you are pregnant. but a ride and getting away with home will do you some good..
I know it is hard to trust someone after they have cheated on you but if you really want to make this work because you are pregnant with his child.. I think you had better try.. if you can't get over your issues , tell him so and split.. being all stressed out and worrying what he is doing all the time when he is gone is not good for you or the baby. Check with his friend and see if he has gotten to talk to this woman and if she hasn't don't trust him any further.. when you talked to her did she sound like a nice person.. you know there are some women out there that can just be friends with a guy.. maybe she don't want a guy in her life and just likes to talk to them..
tell him that you don't feel really comfortable with him having dinner with this woman if you are really afraid of problems.
you have to talk to your husband..
and tell him how you are feeling.. the only way that they understand is just out and telling them exactly how you feel.. they aren't mind readers. and some days when you tell them they don't understand .. so good luck have a nice long talk to him and don't worry to much..

Answer 4

I don't think your over reacting, he cheated on you, and it's fair for you to be concerned, or feel threatened by the situation. However, he was honest about the situation, he didn't have to tell you. You don't want him to cheat, but you don't want him to be honest either. If you keep accusing he may just say well if she's going to accuse I may as well do! So be careful, let him know you appreciate his honesty, but the situation also makes you feel a bit insecure. Consider this too, you are 6 months pregnant, your emotions are going to be out of control...remind him of this. Maybe you should meet her, remember the saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer". Not that she is an enemy, because it could be perfectly innocent, if he wanted her why would he fix her up with his friend? Sit down with him and let him know how you feel, but tell him you are willing to meet her. Also let him know that if he chooses to have a meal with her again, you would prefer it be the three of you.

Answer 5

Awww - I feel bad for you. That's sad. It is definitely not going to work. You don't just meet some random person and eat with them if you aren't at all interested in them. I don't believe that he is trying to hook her up with his best friend, highly doubt that. And if he is, he still probably hooked up with her. Men can be pigs as can women. AND ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. If you have trust issues - its ok. It stems from your past. Also its your intuition. A gut feeling you get and your intuition is almost always right. And that happens, why? Because someone does something that doesn't seem right. Doesn't seem logical, and guess what. If it doesn't make sense, its not true. I don't see you guys working out and no you are not over reacting!

Answer 6

No you are not over-reacting. It's animal instinct in all of us to feel somewhat threatened when our mates are acting out of sorts. As you said, you have trust issues, well you have to ask yourself, are you willing to forgive and forget, because if things get rocky later on, the odds of bringing up the past are very likely. It is not uncommon for men and women to be friends, but if you're not comfortable talking with her then don't. At least not until you have resolved your issues with you and your man. I am not an advocate of counselling but with a baby on the way, you may want to consider speaking with someone. It may or may not help, but it is a healthy outlet, maybe put some perspective on it. If you know for certain that something else is going on, then you need to confront him and then make a tough decision. But ultimately, you need to decide what is best for your well-being and your baby. A leopard's spots may fade, but they never change...

Answer 7

I personally would not have it. It's one thing if he's known this girl and has been friends with her before you guys met, its another thing to meet a woman while he has a girlfriend!! I don't see the need for it. I mean yea meet and say hi, but numbers should never be exchanged. UNLESS you are there when they meet and you meet her also. How would he like it if you went around giving your number out and getting other men's numbers? You should try that, tell him you're going to dinner with a "friend". THis guy you met at the market or something... I"m sure he wont like that one bit!

Answer 8

Sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling, and if you feel strongly about it then tell him, you are not comfortable with him and his friend. That may be it is my problem, but right now with the way things are, I am not comfortable with you and your friend. Try and sit down and talk to him, and this wold be a good time to air everything out, say to him lets lay everything on the table, so we can try and have a stronger relationship, and may be it may help me to get my trust issues put to rest. If the two cannot talk open to each other, then it would be a good idea to speak to a counselor, or therapist. This all needs to be done before the baby comes, so you can have peace of mind. Their may be things that you do not want to hear, so be strong and try and deal with them, it is better to know , then not to know.

Answer 9

99% of men can’t be “Friends” with other females. Must be some attraction there between them that you’re not giving him? Are you friends with other males and calling them all the time? I’m not talking about friends you see once a month…. Talking about friends like talking every other day. I know how you fell my girlfriend cheated on me. But i am stupid and dont listin to anyone and i stay. Plus if it happens once it easyer to do it again. You will never trust him again and this will couse problems in your relationship. Good Luck

Answer 10

You are not overreacting! He's a slime ball for cheating on you in the first place. You shouldn't have taken him back, but since you did and already pregnant, you can't take that back. If you don't trust him now, you're never going to trust him! He's done it once, he'll do it again. Find someone that will treat you with respect and loyalty.