My boyfriend and I have been going out, and now living with eachother, for 6 months. He is still married to someone, who now lives in Virginia (we live in CA) and they STILL havent filed officially. The problem is, I recently found out that he has talked to many of his ex's, and flirted with them because he thought I was going to leave him. I am glad that we have gotten to talk about it, and the last girl has FINALLY been told to shove off, but that leaves his ex (hopefully soon to be ex-wife.). I have always had a problem with the two of them talking because she likes to get in his head and make him feel like awful, and say horrible things about me. Now Im even more frustrated, because she calls him everyday! sometimes multiple times! just to 'talk'... I told him to tell her it wasnt okay... I then called her and told her... now she calls and texts and emails... Is it wrong of me to ask for them to stop conversation about things that dont involve the divorce? Is that too much to ask?
2006-09-29 03:18:02 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he was serious about being with you, and only with you, he would have filed for divorce by now. This guy isn't committed to you, so why should you waste your time on him?
2006-09-29 03:21:32 · answer #1 · answered by D'archangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it is not too much to ask. What was the reason for his break-up with his wife? Was it his or her problem that caused it? If he was the one messing around then you need to run, not walk, away from him.
If she did something to cause the breakup then he may very well still have feelings for her and is having a very hard time getting past it. Now with her always in his face it will be even harder.
You need to know what happened with them if you don't already. This will tell you what you need to do to protect yourself.
Having broken up with her and now living with you if she was the problem there is no way he should be talking to her on a regular basis. So find out and if the answer is not good for you get out now before you are hurt more.
2006-09-29 03:28:25 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you need to give him wake up call by moving out, or leaving him and finding someone who cares for you the way you care for them. At best, it sounds as if you are a rebound mate; someone to make life for the meantime more like a marriage is suppose to be, and thus easing the pain of what it would otherwise be like for him to be alone.
Why have they not filed yet? How can he have plans with you, if he can't even end it with her? Why are they still communicating about things other than the divorce? Something is not right here, and you are probably going to get your feelings hurt big time.
This does not mean he doesn't love you, but rather, that he's not committed to you. I suspect he still has deep feelings for her, and much stronger than he'd like to admit, because you wouldn't stay with him if you knew. Personally I think you should just move on, but your love for him will probably not allow you to see it that way.
2006-09-29 03:44:03 · answer #3 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are no children involved, why haven't they divorced yet? Why are they still conversing? There's really no need. However, you did put yourself into a situation with a man that was still married, and you knew it when you moved in with him. Maybe you should move out until the divorce is final, and if he is serious about his relationship with you, I'm sure he'll file immediately. Divorces without children involved can be done very quickly, and really don't even require attorneys, etc. He needs to make some choices and so do you.
2006-09-29 03:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is, his WIFE has more of a claim on him than you do!! And in spite of how you feel, he continues communication?? Come on!
I wouldn't trust this guy, I mean, yeah you moved across Country, but, basically all you are doing is living from day to day, there are no guarantees that this relationship between you & him is gonna be soild....
If he was serious about you, he would have finalized "past life" with a divorce before getting with you.
He obviously lacks respect for you.... Its your call, no one can make any decisions for you, but, in reading all these answers, everyone has basically said the same thing, now its up to you to draw your own conclusion and do what you know is right... You gonna continue on with this guy, the way things are, or are you gonna make a change for the better???
2006-09-29 03:51:27 · answer #5 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My concern is I dont feel that your bf is divorced in his heart yet. It takes a long time to get over a failed marriage. You could be a rebound. If they are still that involved with each other that they feel the need to talk everyday. Its not over for either of them. That would scare me more than anything. I dont think you should ask him to stop. I think you should ask him if he is still in love with his wife. Your not being wronged by them talking your being wrong because they want to. Your feelings are set aside because he cant help it. I think he has feelings for her and you should ask him to leave, go get his head together and if in a few months or so he is still wanting you then you can try again after he is over her. If he doesnt get over her first you'll only be a rebound. 2nd place is not good enough for anyone! Good Luck.
2006-09-29 03:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are totally killing yourself over a situation that you have no personal control over.
I suggest that you separate yourself from it and tell him that until they have officially split, that you shouldn't see each other.
While you are away from him, really evaluate if you want to be involved in such a mess. You will see things a lot clearer once you are by yourself, and without all the ex's and wife in the picture.
He seems like HE needs to make up his mind on all of these matters...and that you need to let him make a decision. You shouldn't be making choices for him...he should be strong enough to know what he wants.
Until he decides what he wants, let him be...tell him to let you know when everything is solved.
It will be difficult, especially if you feel deeply about him, but you will see that it is the best way to go.
2006-09-29 03:45:20 · answer #7 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You're living with a married man which is wrong. Until the divorce is finialized he is legally married and you are the other woman. Maybe he still has feelings for his wife, maybe not but you should probably move out and consider finding someone to settle down with who doesn't cheat on their wife. If he has cheated before he will probably end up cheating on you too.
2006-09-29 03:21:42 · answer #8 · answered by Miriam Z 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back off for awhile, I know it's hard, but it is a test: If he wants to be with you, he wil pay attention to you. Be the understanding and the patient side, and wait untill he starts to appriciate that. But not too long. How long? When you notice a neglect towards you on the "small things", start the "separation program", in a way that he would believe that he already lost you. If he shows a DEEP regret, maybe he's not that shallow as he appears. If not, than your moving on is justified 100%.
2006-09-29 03:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by Wintermute 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seriously have thought about moving in with a guy until the divorce was finale. I would gladly give him back to his ex with all the best wishes in the world and take off running. He starts convos with ex's when you guys are on the rocks, no wonder he's getting divorced.
2006-09-29 03:22:12 · answer #10 · answered by Nicki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless there are kids involved, I think you're right. He's obviously moved on and they should file for divorce and leave it at that.
Talk to him about it. If he still thinks he might want to try things with her again, then you need to find someone who is all about you.
2006-09-29 03:23:06 · answer #11 · answered by jenieatworld 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋