He came from out of town and he was so sweet and everything and we got to know one another then one thing lead to another, we started dating, then he went back to his home, thats when i came to realise that he is married and now i just have found out that am pregnant with his baby, when i told him he asked me to have an abortion. Pls can anyone help me out coz i dont know how my family will take the news of me being pregnant with a married man.
2006-09-29 01:53:28 · 15 answers · asked by Bab-gal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Am not financial stable and i know taking care of the baby will be the hardest thing.
2006-09-29 02:42:57 · update #1
If you want the baby or don't believe in abortion, tell the guy you're having it and see what he says. If he doesn't treat you right, get child support from him formally. Don't underestimate how completely a child will change your life and its direction and just how tough it is to raise a child these days even as a couple!
If you don't want the baby and are ok with abortion, search your feelings to be sure - there'll be no going back, then be decisive and stick to your plan.
Don't worry about your family. We all make mistakes and they're your family, who ultimately only want what's best for you. If the heat gets too bad then just chill until they shut up, whatever you decide. Best of luck to you.
2006-09-29 02:29:09 · answer #1 · answered by servir tres frais 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know your family, you know what their response will be. I can say that I have been in your exact situation. I wasn't proud of what I'd done, but like you I was in love with a married man and it lasted for over 15 years. He eventually got a divorce and still didn't marry me. When I look back on things today, I don't think I would change anything because to change things would mean that I wouldn't have my son and daughter, and that's not a gamble I'm willing to take. Focus on having the baby if thats what you want, and the pain will subside with time. When the baby comes you will have energy to be a good mother, and remember no married man is going to admit that they are married when they are trying to get next to you, what counts is what you do once you find out that he is married. It's too late to talk about safe sex now, so just look forward to having your baby and hopefully you family will support you while it doesn't mean that they are in favor of what you have done. Forgive yourself for committing adultery, and move on.
2006-09-29 09:15:26 · answer #2 · answered by Special K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is done is done. Don't have an abortion just because this man doesn't want to live up to his responsibility. He just doesn't want to get in trouble with his wife.
If you want this baby, have it. Then go after him for support. If he gets caught by the wife.. Oh, well.
As for your family, tell them the truth. You met what you thought was a wonderful man, started a relationship, got pregnant. After the fact, you found out he was married and the relationship has since ended. Your family can't really get upset. It isn't as though you set out to have an affair with a married man.
Good Luck !
2006-09-29 08:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm assuming that you're going to keep your child, so one of the first things I would do is get some legal assistance. You should find out what you need to do to get child support and get the wheels in motion.
You really can't do anything about how your family chooses to respond to your pregnancy. It is what it is, and nothing is going to change that you're pregnant by a married man. You can expect that they're going to ask for details, which they're not really entitled to. If you want to tell them anything, you can just say that you made an unfortunate error in judgement and are now concentrating on making the best of this situation. I hope that you are financially able to take care of your child so you don't have to rely on your family.
When you talk to your family, make sure you have all your ducks in a row. Again, depending on how close you are and what you want to tell them, and if the following holds true for you, tell them:
1. What's done is done and you plan on raising your child
2. You aren't unrealistic about what an undertaking this will be
3. You've gotten the wheels in motion to see what your legal options are concerning child support, etc.
4. You've considered the financial impacts of the situation and are preparing to deal with them
5. While you understand they may be concerned, you don't need their criticism, you need their support
Your family may surprise you and be more understanding that you think. Or, it may take them some time to embrace the idea. In either event, you've made a decision and the person whose opinion matters most right now is yours.
2006-09-29 09:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do what you feel is best for you. Don't let anyone force you into becoming a mother if you are not ready. Being a mother is a full time job that lasts 24 hours a day/7 days a week/365 days a year for as long as you live.
Abortion is legal, if that is your choice. all these people here who talk about how wrong abortion is never talk about the kids left behind in foster care who never ever get adopted. Or the abused kids whose parents never wanted them. They have no plans to deal with the children who were born yet still neglected. If they truly loved all God's children, there would never be one abused, neglected, child and there would never be a need for foster care because the pro-lifers would have taken all these kids into their loving bosoms and into their homes. So don't let them preach to you about how wrong abortion is.
You do what you think is best for your situation.
2006-09-29 09:25:41 · answer #5 · answered by Pam 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You were not aware about him being married...so you should not have any guilt because of this. It was his responsibility not get involved.
You need to realize whether or not you can and want to keep this baby. As far as him getting involved, sure it would be the easiest thing to for you to get an abortion, then he would never have to face the consequences of his actions...nevertheless, don't keep the baby out of any kind of revenge.
In regards to your family, i think they will definitely have their own concerns and thoughts about what happened, but family wil be supportive, just let them know exactly what happened. No matter what happens, be sure that you decide on what you know you can live with.
2006-09-29 09:14:58 · answer #6 · answered by Patience 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My best friend had pretty much the same thing happen to her. Her son is a doll, 6 y/o now. She has never seen nor heard from the father again and she is fine with that BECAUSE if she would have went after child support then he would have had grounds for fighting for visitation and she didn't want him in their lives. She does struggle but she never wanted a man who wanted her to abort the baby to have anything to do with him, he never existed as far as the father was concerned. HTH
2006-09-29 09:01:58 · answer #7 · answered by channielynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't believe in abortion. Have your child if you can afford to do so and you are balanced enough to care for the child. Don't worry about your family at this time, because once the baby gets here...more than likely they will come around. I would advise you to forget about the married man! Once the child has arrived, file for child support and get on with raising your baby.
2006-09-29 08:59:05 · answer #8 · answered by philly_romantic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
every life has a right to live. it might not be easy but u have to tell ur family. as for telling them abt the married man dont for now.
just tell them u r pregnant with a one night stand. slowly tell them it was a married man. there is nothing u can do now but face the music.
but when that baby comes in ur arms u will see that it is all worth it.its the bets feeling in the world to have a baby
make sure u tell this cheating son of a b itch that u r keeping the baby!
best of luck
2006-09-29 08:59:25 · answer #9 · answered by in ur face 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good luck .. your going to need it, do you plan on keeping the baby? do you want the baby? if so then I would tell your family that you made a mistake, fell for a guy and then realized he was married ... then ask for them to support your decision ... if you do keep it you'll need to get a paternity test done for child support ... and make sure you get that in order if he's in another state ... you may need to hire a lawyer or go to legal aid. Make sure this is what you want, don't let anyone pressure you into making a decsion and make sure you can give the baby all the love they deserve without being resentful of their father.
2006-09-29 08:57:29 · answer #10 · answered by emnari 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋