My gay partner is a cross dresser that goes by the name Michelle.Im fine with that, but he is ALWAYS looking over my shoulder,snooping through my things and very controlling.He says he does this because he loves me, but I feel like it is abuse to a certain extent.The other night I called him by his real name Mike by accident when we were at a bar, and he slapped me.Not the first time he has done that either.If anyone else talks to me he gets angry.Plus he is always trying to fight my battles, but he sure doesnt help any.What should I do? I feel trapped with no where else to go.
2006-09-29 01:36:26 · 16 answers · asked by Dr.Feelgood 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'd be long gone...why are you talking that type of behaviour from anyone...If he slapped me...I'd just hit back...but anybody only need hit me once or go through my things once. I'm in a 20 year relationship and I wouldn't dream of treating my partner like that.
2006-09-29 04:01:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you still with him? The first punch is the last one. Leave him, or if it's your apartment/house, pack his belongings, leave them outside the door, and change the locks.
Domestic violence ALWAYS escalates. Every abuser says they are sorry and it won't happen again. EVERY abuser does it again. There are no exceptions; I know, I spent years counseling victims.
The control issues should have been your clue. It sounds like your relationship could best be categorized as "co-dependent" - that is, the abused has a dependent relationship on the abuser. In that case, you'll need counseling yourself to finally break away, but for the moment you need some separation for your own safety.
Do not think you have time to discuss this, or that things might get better. It won't get better, and domestic violence can escalate rapidly to the point of murder. Do yourself a favor - get out and get help. If you have any problems with him after you separate, call the police.
2006-09-29 05:38:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Showing distrust is a real problem within a relationship & will eat away at the people in the relationship. Getting physically abusive is NOT cool. You don't need to stay with this person, I'm sure there's some guy out there better suited to you who will trust you & not hit you. It sounds like your partner has a lot of issues & not a whole lot of them would be caused by you, I'd wager. It will take all your strength to leave so you will have to lean on friends & it will be awful to begin with but really, I think deep down you know this is not on & you want out.
2006-09-29 02:02:59 · answer #3 · answered by shirazzza 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your partner has serious control problems. He has no right to invade your privacy without your permission. You are right that this, in itself, is abuse. His physical abuse however is absolutely a sign of danger and you should make every effort to end the relationship. His wish to be called Michelle at all times is a sign that he has other serious problems to deal with that are beyond your control.
Contact your nearest GLBT Community organization or their help line if you live in a major city. If you have a safe place to go to until you can organize a more. permanent arrangement you should consider going through with it.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
2006-09-29 02:40:39 · answer #4 · answered by roqofages 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the relationship. A loving partner would never be abusive towards you (especially in front of others). If he cared about you he would enever ever even think of slapping you. May be he thinks he's controlled you and you can't live without him and would go to any extent for that. But I suggest you not to take any of that ****.
2006-09-29 02:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by Harry thePotter 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get out of this situation. For him/her to slap you like that is uncalled for. Absolutely uncalled for! Clearly, you are unhappy and it's going to be up to you to remove yourself from this situation. Please don't take this as a hateful stab at you but it's always easier to sit around and whine about your situation instead of actually grabbing the bull by the horns and taking charge of things! You are the only one that can control you. You allow Mike/Michelle to do this. Leave the realtionship. There is NOTHING written in blood that is making you stay. You deserve to be happy.
2006-09-29 02:18:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh wow, my partner is controlling too, but I think that we give them the power, if my boyfriend wants to snoop around in my business, then I push him away, and OMG when were in the grocery store and I get the buggy first, we will get upset, and then he will put his hand on the buggy and guide it, and when I take the buggy somewhere else, then he will jerk it back cause he wants to put stuff in the basket, he said he wants it there, and I told him that he can walk his @ss over to where I am at, I don't need to be beside him holding his hand while we shop (figuraitvly speaking) but if he has the cart he doesn't give me the same respect, he will run off other places, .....lol, sorry I guess I had to vent, but my solution to the problem is don't give him the power, if he slaps you, slap him back and say hell no, don't give him any room to exercise those annoying habbits, but I warn you, it might lead to a breakup, cause my boyfriend is not enjoying not getting his way
2006-09-29 03:06:44 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
a million) You stumbled on flirtatious messages on fb. Your lady pal would desire to basically flirt with you. 2) interior of those days, "stuff" wouldn't have befell in case you meant a "element" to her. In different words, if between the 1st issues you do after a smash up- is date yet somebody else- you're actually not/ weren't severe sufficient. So, I/we smash up and its time to bang the 1st individual I/we are available in touch w/? Um. No. not precisely. 3) Willingly, you're accepting her declare of: "not being allowed to have friends", to blind you from her strikes. advice: have not got self assurance all that yet somebody else breathes. have not got self assurance that there are not people who're solid accessible.
2016-10-15 08:20:08 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uhm, that slap alone would be enough to send me packing. That's a sign of disrespect. ALong with all those other things you mentioned. It boils down to simple respect. He has to respect you and you have to respect yourself too. He has no right to touch you in that manner. And you know it. You need to have a talk with him, that is if he will listen. Tell him what you're thinking, share yor feelings and be truthful with him.. He deserves the honesty and you deserve to be honest with him.
2006-09-29 04:11:21 · answer #9 · answered by Andrew H 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
insecurity is a MF'r
my partner is your typical over controlling spouse
thing is she knows she isn't what she used to be, and is focussed outwardly on her image as her power to attract or feel sexy
and by ruling me she is pushing me away, no longer free to love but rail roaded
it only pushes away
it takes 2 to tango, one to do, one to allow the abuse
it's only when the abused says no to the abuser will it stop
2006-09-29 01:40:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋