I love my husband weve been married for 2 years but for some reason hes not interested in sex anymore.Ive sat down and talked about numerous times and he never says much only that he's tired from work.Its been 3 months since the last time weve been intimate and still does nothing about it.Hes not impotent so I dont it cant be a phisical problem..Ive asked about seeing a marriage councelor but he doesnt seem interested in that either,I dont mean to sound heartless ,I do love him but I am human and I have needs.
2006-09-27 23:44:18 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, if you want to have sex outside the marriage, get a divorce.
2006-09-27 23:46:02 · answer #1 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to sound harsh, but if a man said this, or DID it, the first thing usually hears is....*can't you keep that thing in your pants!?".
Well, I think you need to keep talking to him and drag him to a counselor if necessary. It's possible that you aren't easy to talk to. I have no idea what kind of person you are, but you don't set your self in a good light by asking this kind of question. Yes, 3 months is a long time, but nor nearly as long as some have to wait. What would you do if he were in a car accident and *couldn't* have sex with you? Would you be skippy quick to be on here asking for everyone's permission to go out and cheat then too?
Like I said, I don't know what kind of person you are, BUT it's possible that your husband has tried to communicate with you, and it's fallen on deaf ears.
It's possible that you are not accepting when he approaches you to talk, so he just figures 'why bother'. Maybe you have an anger problem, and fly off the handle if you talk about certain things like sex. I don't know but I'm throwing ideas around for you.
Maybe the guy has fallen into some kind of slump. Maybe he's depressed about something, maybe he's bored.....maybe it's NOT him. Ever consider it's you?
I'm not saying you are the problem, but you didn't mention anything that YOU have done, other than talk. That could amount to almost anything.
Sounds like the guy is bummed or depressed about something. Maybe he does have some kind of medical thing going on. High blood pressure makes you very lethargic. Has he had an exam lately?
Like I said in the beginning, I'm not trying to be harsh, but I have a problem with the way you approached your question. But I hope you get a resolution to your problem, but whatever you do.....don't cheat! If you do and then post some inane question about what you did I will tear you a new one lady.
With all that said, I DO wish you luck and that you can find out what is happening so you can BOTH be happy.
2006-09-28 07:19:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It must be a very difficult time for you. Your question - do you have the right to cheat and your statement about needs is what I am concerned about.
Love isn't about 'you' it's not about your needs it's about sacrifice and giving without expecting in return. It isn't dependant on whether you are in the mood to love or whether you feel like being loving. You love someone because you choose to love them. Some times our needs need to be sacrificed for the sake of love. Cheating destroys your soul and could destroy your marriage. Using someone else to satisfy your needs cannot be the answer surely. Perhaps you could go to a counsellor on your own - until he is willing to come.
No-one can tell you whether you have a right or not. It's your choice. It comes down to what you think love is all about. What your values and beliefs are and whether you value your marriage more than your needs. In the mean while I would find out what your husband's love language is and learn all about it. There is a book called The 5 love languages - can't remember the author. Should be very helpful. Get to the gym some more or find a pastime where you can get your mind off your physical needs in the meanwhile. All the best!
2006-09-28 06:57:31 · answer #3 · answered by debzadon 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
vows are vows. remember?
Do you have needs and should they be met? Absolutely!! Dont' "ASK" him if he "wants" to see a therapist! Jeez! Did you expect him to say yes? Find a therapist who specializes in sex therapy and make the appointment. Either he cares enough about the relationship to go with you, or you go alone. Either way, it's a beginning to getting some help right? Often, you will go alone, and the spouse will follow.......or the therapist will give you some tips for coaxing your spouse to come with you. You are suffering from a common problem, I'm in the same boat. But you have to show that you care about the stress he's under and prove that you want to take that away from him.....maybe by pampering him a little, or takign a trip away. I got some good answers to this question myself, read my question and answer section and you'll see "why" many men have no sex drive.
2006-09-28 07:04:13 · answer #4 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No sorry nothing gives u the right to cheat on ur husband.. not even this.. your man is physically fatigued, possibly stressed, and possibly depressed and its keeping him from having the energy to have sex.. something more then likely he cant help , and neither can u at this point.. probably would be better to seek a medical doctor rather then a marriage counselor at this point.. but sorry theres ZERO excuse to cheat.. if u feel that strong about it.. divorce him, dont cheat on him.. u took a vow...and ur suppose to live by those vows u took EVERYDAY not just when it "FEELS GOOD" or when its "CONVIENT" to u .. EVERYDAY!!!!
2006-09-28 07:28:07 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife quit being interested in sex 8 years ago or so I thought. I found out recently she has a bf and when we discussed my perception she was not interested in sex she says no she is horny all the time. She claims she has fallen out of love with me and that made having sex hard to do. We are at a point in which she needs to make a decision if she can give up her bf and be faithful or if she wants a divorce. The key is communication your hubby and you should seek counseling and soon.
2006-09-28 07:41:36 · answer #6 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cheating turns you into the badguy here. Put this problem where it belongs, on his attitude. Deal with this and come to some conclusion. Cheating is a symptom not the cure. Sadly you need to address the issue of a sexless marriage without intimacy. He is acting like he does not see a problem. Tell him to get to a marriage counselor or you might leave. If he does not wake him up then you will know there is no future.
2006-09-28 07:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No, by getting married you made a commitment to him to be faithful. Just because right now things are not working out doesn't mean they won't in the future. Drag your husband to your family doctor and make sure to bring up the problem with both your husband and your doctor in the room. It may be physical but even if your doctor decides it is not, he may help you to convince your husband to go with you to counseling. Talk to your husband and let him know that you need and desire him physically, too. Maybe talking to him and involving your doctor in the problem will give your husband the incentive to seek a solution to the problem.
2006-09-28 06:56:28 · answer #8 · answered by Paula P 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
if you feel the need to cheat then you should never have married, I'm sorry for being straight forward but a relationship is about trust, honesty and commitment TRUE.... maybe he is just tired from work don't expect you marriage to revolve only on sex!!! my Huby goes away for 3-6mths over 700kms away but my love for him will never allow me to cheat.... and i know he definitely doesn't cheat on me because we sit up talking all night on the phone. besides there are other means of being human that don't need a another person, especially not one your not married to. give him your honesty if not your loyalty,
2006-09-28 07:12:19 · answer #9 · answered by niknik74 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, cheating on him is not the answer. This will only add to your problems, as well as making you feel guilty. I think you should go have a talk with a therapist by yourself, and ask for his counsel. Maybe he does not know how serious you feel this problem is. Maybe your husband is seriously depressed or he may have some other illness. If all else fails, the only real answer is divorce.
But please, don't consider divorce until exhausting all other options.
2006-09-28 06:52:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
In my opinion, there isn't such a thing as "right to Cheat". Cheating is never the answer. It only creates more problems than solutions. So you have choices other than cheating. Get a toy, seduce him, and if that isn't good enough, then decide if you want to stay in a sexless marriage. But believe me, cheating isn't a good option.
2006-09-28 06:54:49 · answer #11 · answered by T.G. 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋