Yesterday I asked about why my "boyfriend" of 4 yrs. wouldn't have sex with me,ever,but I need to dig deeper and get advice,because I don't know what more to do. As I said we've been "together" 4 yrs,him 36/me 35,we live here with his mom while I finish school (nursing) with my 15 yr. old daughter,so here is the problem/problems,one he is by no means affectionate,he is an avid pot user (daily....1-2 joints a day),I pay all the bills for him and I and help his mother,I even sold my car to help out with the car payment,he threatens to "find a woman that will listen to what he says to do, it's his way or the highway', and calls me horrible names using his anger as an excuse.I do my best to make him happy,I give my all,his mother interfers in every aspect of our "relationship" regardless that she has been asked not to,she is very much a mom who does not want her little boy to leave,I feel stuck, yet I do love him,is it the pot, he doesn't want me, his mother,i'm being used.....help
2006-09-27 22:53:45 · 15 answers · asked by jenznrn09 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Firstly a big * hug * for you as im sure what you are going through is not easy.
I think you need to be really straight up with him, dont get angry or upset. Ask him for a conversation when he is not stonned ( dont worry i know what its like i was a stonnner for 3 years straight). After you tell him how it is for you and what you want out of the relationship, if he is not willing to make some changes leave him. It will be hard, but in the long run it will be better for you to be honest to him and your self. My personal suggestion would be to do something called the Landmark forum, its the best way i have found people can get to the source of whats not working their lives and connect to the beauty and wonder of being human.
Good luck...
2006-09-27 23:00:15 · answer #1 · answered by Mindwalker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi You dont say what your salary will be after the couple of years struggling on £14,000, but assuming you will get a hefty pay rise and you are really keen on moving out then........ You could look into self assessment mortgages, this is where the lender is more interested in your ability to pay then how much you earn. The interest rates are sometimes a little higher but you can often borrow more than through the normal route. The Cheshire Building Society is a reputable company to approach for this and you can complete all the paperwork on line. As others have said you must consider the other costs incurred and then account for the on-going costs of bills and living!!! Although if you can afford a two bedroom place you can take in a lodger to help the finances. If you are dead set on it though, follow your dreams and if it goes belly up at least you tried, just go into it with your eyes wide open. Good luck Dean
2016-03-26 21:04:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what do you see in that guy..
if that case happen to me, i will just leave that man.. There is no way, i would put my daughter's safety and my own.. drug users rarely think much before they do anything, moreover they need money to fulfill their addiction.. Who cares about him saying he will find another woman that listen to what he said.. let him go for your own good and most of all your own daughter.. by stick around with this drug addict, you put a lot of dangers i your daughter life.. you are 35.. you should be able to set your life..
and you know what happen to you is wrong..u know that.. and you guess what YOU HAVE POWER OVER YOUR OWN LIFE, not HIM, not HIS MOTHER.. so just be strong and leave that family.. for your own sake and ur daughter..
you might felt in love with him..but your daughter deserves better life.. and also YOU!! there are a lot of good man out there.. dont be so scared..
i mean if you think too much about his mom and what she wanted, how about your own daughter..
you can advice his mom to put his son in jail or rehab for his own good..
do you think you deserved to be treaten like this?
i just hope you think twice before you make any decision..
you still can find love out there and also give your daughter better life..
or you can stick with this man,because you love him but your girl might not be saved in that house..
(when someone under drugs they might do anything..i just hope it doesnt happen.. but please.. for ur own daughter..)
thank you very much..
goodluck
and hope you're doing fine..
really best wishes for u~
2006-09-27 23:11:25 · answer #3 · answered by _ni_ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now i'm only 20 years old but it sounds like you are being used sweetie.
It takes two people to make a relationship and if you are the only one putting into the relationship then i would think somethings not right.
I would ask myself this question:
Am i honestly happy?
If i were you i would leave him. but don't leave him because i told you i would. before you make up your mind think long and hard about how this will effect your life. Is being with him is where you truely want to be?
2006-09-27 23:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by Claudia S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
girl girl you really need lots of help....... why not let your head hit the wall...... maybe somehow you'll gain a normal mind again...... You are perfectly being used........ and your boyfriend, girl do what he says....... LEAVE HIM...... let him look for another girl to bother......... he's not worth your time, money and more importantly your LOVE........ make him go back to his mother...... she's probably the only woman that can stand your boyfriend........ It's not your job to be his slave...... you don't have to work just to pay his bills or to make him happy....... get a life girl....... if not for yourself at least think about your daughter..... do you want her to grow up with a pot addict father?...... you don't know what influence she might get........ do you want her on the wrong track of life??????........ you can still find someone worth your love and attention....... someone who'll take care of you and you will take care of as well....... it's hard having a one sided love......
2006-09-27 23:09:24 · answer #5 · answered by <--tsk--> 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do what you want for yourself, but right now you have to think of your daughter. What do you think it is doing to her to see the way that he treats you? Is she going to think that this is the way a woman should be treated? Obviously you know that it is a bad situation, if you can afford to pay all of his bills, you can afford to go out on your own with your daughter.
2006-09-27 22:58:35 · answer #6 · answered by Rookie131 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not "being used" Your giving yourself to the wrong person and choosing to stay. The highway is a great place sometimes. Leads new and and unexpected places.
2006-09-27 22:56:02 · answer #7 · answered by ferdinand 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you can put up with it stay. If not. then give an ultimatum. I have a feeling you will never get him away from his mother. You have to make up your own mind as to whether this guy is worth the hassle.
2006-09-27 22:56:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tuff spot to be in. You are going to school so you obviously want more out of life. And from your description he/ they are not it. So ask yourself this one question Is this the way I want my life to be. And then act on it.
2006-09-27 23:22:13 · answer #9 · answered by SUPERSTAR X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out of there. i went out with a drug user, they dont care about others and become selfish. unless he changes...leave.
2006-09-27 22:55:44 · answer #10 · answered by jemz 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋