I split up with my wife a few months ago- we are still legaly maried but i have patitioned for divorce and she now lives with her boyfriend!
The kids live with me so she comes around alot to see the kids and look after them if i want to go out, she has been seeing her boyfriend for 4 months ! now the pain of her leaving has started to ease i find we are getting on well.
On 3 occasions recently when she has been round to baby sit when i get in we have ended up having sex. I don't want to get back together with her as i could never trust her as she left me for some one else, she dosn't want to get back with me because she wants to be with her boyfriend!
After we had sex last night i asked her if this is what she wants and she said she would like to keep sexual relationsip with me.
Am i using her?
Is she using me?
Is what we are doing wrong?
2006-09-27 22:12:01 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're still connected by habit and natural comfort. It's even more exciting to engage in sexual activity after you think it's no longer possible.
Remember why you're getting divorced and think about her new boyfriend. It's not going to be easy to let her go and stop her from making moves on you.
Either way, it's up to you, but the honorable thing to do would be to stop.
2006-09-27 22:15:26 · answer #1 · answered by Seraphim 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hei there.
First, nothing is wrong between two grownup people that live their life how it feels right, like having sex,as long no one get hurt...
But maybe you should think about what Your needs are for a change. Is this what you want, is it very healthy for you?
If she left you for someone else that must hurt like hell, and trying to create your own life might be even harder when you never let your self go 100%. I'm sure you are a nice man and you will find a wonderful woman that deserves your partnership.
So maybe...go out there and start your one life, stop living in the past with her if you don't have a future together. And its not very nice considering that she has another man in here life, but that's here problem.
Stand tall and proud, create your own life and try to create your own standards!
Have a nice day mister and all the best :)
2006-09-27 22:52:39 · answer #2 · answered by Dorris 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what?! This does not have to be as difficult as you are making it. Separate sex and love. Separate sex and hate. There is absolutely nothing wrong with maintaining the sexual relationship. Maybe that is why you two got together in the first place because the sex was the bomb but you didn't connect on other factors so ya split up. Of course the sexual aspect is still there. Go for it. As long as feelings are put to the side, there is nothing wrong with maintain a sexual relationship. Might even bring you two closer as friends.
2006-09-27 22:16:41 · answer #3 · answered by heatherlynnmorrow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you nuts? Think again! Why did you leave her in the first place? Why did you petition for divorce? Seems life you ex-or soon to be ex-wife likes awkward and risky situations... What do you think her new boyfriend will think about it? and further more, don't you think it's a bit funny that she cheated on you with him and is now cheating on him with you?? ...err... doctor, we have a problem here I believe....
Now to be more serious and not wanting to be judgmental, I believe that your wife might suffer from the 'unloved' or/and 'boredom' syndrome: it's when people crave for attention and are pushed into doing things they wouldn't normally do if they had enough attention and felt useful.
And just remember also that nothing kills love better than love itself...
Wishing you all the best of luck - Cheer up and act like a man to yourself first, to your children and to your woman...
2006-09-27 22:25:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not this situation is wrong, it's definitely unhealthy for you and perhaps more importantly your kids. I'm sure it's a difficult time for them, and the last thing they need right now is more confusion and uncertainty; if it's only been a few months since you and your wife split up, then it seems to me that you all need time to heal. Move on, and if in the future you and your wife want to get back together, then do so in the right way and for the right reasons; in the meantime try to provide your kids with as much support and stability as possible.
2006-10-01 03:55:01 · answer #5 · answered by shancelt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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For women in particular, texting can end up being a fun “game” where they can do or say anything (even things they would never do in the “real” world). Texting is non confrontational. Odds are your relationship ended on a heated note. I don’t know why you and your ex broke up, but there was probably at least one (if not a few dozen) big fights. Done properly (the way I’m going to teach you), texting is simple and subtle. You can slowly feed your ex tested and proven messages and ideas without the risk of either one of you flying off the handle, falling back into old and destructive patterns, and throwing plates at each other.
2016-02-11 18:26:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a degree of dillusion here. The sex will feel good because there is no commitment attached to it. If you think you might want to be with your wife again try doing it without the sex - then you will discover your true feelings.
Most likely if you got back together at this point all the previous issues would return, which would distance you from each other, and of course spoil the sex!
2006-09-27 22:20:28 · answer #7 · answered by Gerard McCarthy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you can make your own mind up about whether it is right to sleep with your wife but ask yourself this:
What effect will this have on your kids, I dont know but I'm presuming you have told the kids that you have split up and if so they will still be trying to adjust to this and the fact she has a boyfriend.
If you are going to sleep with your wife then you must have a solid relationship to go along with that, sharing her with another man is neither moral or safe. If there were no kids then I would say fill your boots but spare a thought for your children.
2006-09-27 22:22:32 · answer #8 · answered by Neo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the exact same situation an opted not to, and will not, because once you cross that line, emotions start to form again and then your judgement will be clouded, and now you leave the door open for her to ask for personal favors, to pop up at your house unannounced, going through your stuff. There is a reason why you are separated remember that , sex is only going to complicate things more, especially when the divorce comes. If she wants to be with the boyfriend so bad then why is she screwing you? You are going to get hurt eventually, she has another motive trust me, you just dont know what it is yet. I tried just helping mine out without the having sex with her and just that act of kindness I cant seem to get rid of her, she shows up at the house all the time unannouced, reason I think is to not see me happy with someone else or to see if I have someone else at my house, but you know do what you want
2006-09-27 22:52:16 · answer #9 · answered by kalela L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make up your mind, either stay or go. It's great you all are getting along, praise God for the children but what you are doing needs to STOP and STOP now. SHE is in a relationship and obviously SHE has no morals, not to mention values. Have a little respect for yourself...When you meet the right woman, you don't want the ex stopping by for a romp in the sack. It's disgusting and YES YOU are being used by a woman of ill repute!!!
2006-09-27 22:27:55 · answer #10 · answered by Ladeebug71 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋