Unexpected grounds for divorce petitioned by my wife, what to do?

Question

I've just been informed by my wife that after seeing her solicitor she will be petitioning on the grounds of 'my unreasonable behaviour', accusing me of getting into debt and not keeping her informed of our financial situation. This is untrue and outrageous, I always kept her informed (although she didn't always want to hear it if it was bad financial news). Perhaps her solicitor has advised her to do this so she can avoid being burdoned with half our debts.

The real grounds in my opinion are that she has been having an affair with another man, she insists this only started after we'd separated (does this matter?), but I happen to know otherwise (I saw an incriminating text message on her phone a week before we separated).

She is getting her solicitor paid for by public funds, and is keen to get the divorce quickly. I have no solicitor (and no money to pay for one), and am not that bothered about getting divorced.

Any advice on the best approach?
Any decent UK divorce forums?

Answer 1

If you have no money for a solicitor then you should be entitled to legal aid too.
If you use legal aid you have to go to meditation, it would be best for you both to try and work something out, rather than fighting this in court.

Answer 2

If she states grounds in the petition that are untrue there is no reason why you can't say so - in fact you shouldn't admit to what's not true, as that's lying to the court. If you have received the papers from the court, there will be a form called the Acknowledgement of Service Form. Don't just ignore this form, complete it and return it to the court. There is a question on it, asking if you admit the behaviour alleged in the petition. You can write "I deny that my behaviour has been unreasonable but I consent to the granting of a decree". If you want to, you can also write a letter to the court stating that her allegations are untrue and saying that the marriage broke down because of her affair with another man. I have seen such a letter to the court sent by a Respondent wife, but it had the result that the judge refused to grant the divorce and really is there any point in you stopping the divorce from going ahead, as long as you make it plain you disagree with what she says? You're not having to pay anything towards it, you're getting rid of a wife that you don't want.

Another thing you can do is to write to her solicitors and tell them the allegations are untrue. You can say that you will allow the petition to proceed if they amend it so that she makes allegations which you can truthfully admit to. It doesn't have to be really bad stuff. Unreasonable behaviour includes things like: if you weren't affectionate enough, if you ignored her birthday and never sent her an anniversary card, if you didn't participate in a social life with her, or you always used a sarcastic tone to her and embarrassed her in front of her friends, if you wouldn't talk to her family. All sorts of stuff: virtually any couple can divorce on unreasonable behaviour these days.

Good luck - but I'd let the divorce go through if I were you, subject to her lawyers amending their petition.

Oh and I'm afraid Dfirefox is very much off the mark re besmirching your wife's reputation. The courts hate this in the UK - they are there to deal with legal matters and are at pains to emphasise that they are not a forum for couples to have a go at each other. They couldn't care less if she is as bad as Dfirefox outlined - doing what he suggested is more likely to make you look bad and the court regard her with some sympathy!

Answer 3

Firstly if you don't have money for a solicitor you too can seek legal aid. There are five grounds on which you can petition for divorce, unreasonable behaviour is the most commonly used. If you dispute the ground it will only increase costs, usually solicitors advise that you don't dispute as it increases your costs. You also mentioned that you think she may be committing adultery, if you wish to use that you do need proof and I doubt that one text that you saw would constitute adultery.

You need to first instruct a solicitor so you can get going with the divorce. I'm quite surprised that you saw your wife's solicitor that's not how it is done you each have your own.

I would give you the address the solicitor where I work but we only do private and you need to seek one that does legal aid.

Answer 4

Before the petition is issued in court, her solicitors should send you a draft for your comments. You should write back saying that you are not happy with the allegations of financial mismanagement and say that you will let the petition proceed as undefended only if they give you written confirmation that they will not rely on the divorce allegations when you get around to the financial negotiations.
If they go ahead with the petition anyway, without that assurance, you should complete the acknowledgement of service form which you'll receive from the court to say that you will consent to the divorce but do not accept the allegations.

Answer 5

Hi, firstly see if you are eligible for legal aid i.e unemployed or claiming any benefits, working part time? or you can be clever and reduce your hours to qualify, im not 100per cent sure on that but there is no harm in finding out. Ask local friends or family to recommend a good matrimonial solicitor to you, they usually give u a free session to begin with. Im afraid thats all i know on the matter but what i will say is enjoy your single life, dont rush into another relationship yet, make the most of your time, keep positive and in the end the truth always win. good luck. seli x

Answer 6

Get a solicitor. If you can't afford one you may also qualify for Legal Aid but you should be able to find this out on your first visit and some offices still offer a free first appointment. You do not have to sign the petition but, as you are still married, you could file on grounds of adultery.

Answer 7

Make an appointment at your local Citizens Advice, or alternately you are entitled to a free half-hour with a Legal Aid solicitor. Dont try and sort this by yourself; I think she is trying to get as much out of you as she can before she runs off to lover-boy, so get in first, and very good luck!

Answer 8

Either way, what are you holding on to??? If the situation has reached this point, then surely a divorce and a fresh start for both of you must be a win-win situation. Get on with your own life, and let your wife go, the only thing that holding her back can produce now is spite.

Answer 9

you will need to go and see a solicitor. if you dont have any money you will also be entiled to legal aid. you can cross petition on the grounds which you consider but obvioulsy the costs will mount as the dispute/divorce will be drawn out longer!
the fact that your ex has a new partner will be relevant. the court will look at this with regards to any financial settlement made between you and your ex.

Answer 10

I am getting divorced and her solicitor will have told her all, she is not telling you that you can defend a divorce petition and she will have to take you to court and prove you have been unreasonable.
I dont know everything but i am only entitled to legal aid for £500 which is enough to get divorced if it is un defended. If Your wife is on benifit then i beleive it is different, but if your wife is like me, she works but does't earn much then if you defend the petition it will cost her thousands to take you to court. but ask your self if you eant to stay maried to her. go down your high street most ssolicitors will give you a half hour interview for free, they wiill tell you all you need to know!