Just a few weeks ago, I caught my wife having cybersex with another man. Now, I'm not controlling, she can be friends with anyone she wants, I don't care, never had a reason not to mistrust her. However 1 Night, an alarm went off in the back of my head. Something wasn't right in the way she was acting. So, the next day I set up her computer to record what she has done (ie chat logs, emails, etc) I had to go behind her back and check her emails and chat logs when she went to bed. Low and behold, I confirmed my nightmare. I confronted her with this and she tells me it was a terrible mistake and it won't happen again. Yet, she tried to hide it from me and knew that it would hurt me.
I have been faithfull to her for over 3 years (Married for 1), I cook, clean house, greet her at the door at the end of the day, give her massages, never talk down about her, hug her, let her know I love her etc. She tells me I am perfect but yet she goes out and does this. What am I doing wrong?
2006-09-27 20:49:42 · 32 answers · asked by Night_Raven 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you actually having sex with your wife?
That might be a start, as it seems like she has needs that are not being fulfilled at home, if you catch my drift. Sometimes a woman needs more than a hug.
2006-09-27 20:52:33 · answer #1 · answered by southern fried 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you have to do is look at who she is interested in and figure out if it's real or is she just indulging a sexy fantasy. If it's just a fantasy then you can fill the roll as well as anyone else. Spicing up your sex life is not always going to fix the problem though, you have to realize that the amount of time that the two of you are together is really just the end of the honeymoon. Now for the next three years will be the hard part. You will have to reinvent your marriage every 3-5 years to keep it fresh. My wife and I are together 25 years and now its easy. But getting to this point was hard. Marriage is the hardest job you will ever have but it will be the most rewarding!
2006-09-27 21:09:13 · answer #2 · answered by bionicworm1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you went behind her back and did some sneaky sh!t to find out, it was still a confirmation. It might be time to move on. You're doing all of this, and you are being technologically cheated on? Come on.
Are you not being intimate with her? If not, then you might want to.
This IS some hypocritical bullsh!t. Yell about men cheating, but when a good man comes along, he is used and trampled.
Sorry you had to go through that dude. Maybe you'll find someone that will respect you and reciprocate the love you give.
2006-09-28 03:27:25 · answer #3 · answered by L Jeezy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poor guy, based on what you have said, i feel that you have done nothing wrong, your wife abused your trust and love for her. but there is a reason to everything, try to get to the reason why she is doing these despite the fact that she claimed you are perfect. I understand that your trust for her is ruined and it is going to be very difficult for you to trust her again. I suggest you take a time out from your marriage, stay somewhere else for awhile and think it through whether you still love your wife and wants to continue the marriage. It could be just a folly act she did, it does not mean that she will always be unfaithful. It is up to you to decide if she deserves a second chance.
All the best.
2006-09-27 21:46:06 · answer #4 · answered by riffee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is your fault (although there are 2 sides to every story, it sure doesn't sound like it's your fault) but perhaps she just caught up in something and did not mean for it to go so far? I have had many innocent friends in the past who I met on line, and eventually the conversations always reverted back to sex, no matter what, so I ended the correspondence there. It can get out of control very easily. Give her another chance to prove she can be trusted (I would still keep a close eye on her PC usage), I am sure you are totally devastated as it is a betrayal of your trust, think seriously about whether you can forgive her totally for this and see if you can re-build the relationship
2006-09-27 20:58:44 · answer #5 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seems your roles are reversed. A woman needs her man to act like a man. Why do you greet her at the door? Are you also wearing an apron? I dont mean to be sarcastic, reality is,
women and men's roles are screwed up these days. If she doesnt work and stays home to take care of the house and kids...all his friends and coworkers think she's got the easy life.
So that causes the hubby to screw up. If the woman has to work, she's tired and still expected by these same men to act like the girlfriend, mother, wife and homemaker.
This world makes me sad....I think it started with women's liberation movement to tell you honestly. You sound like the perfect 'wife', really. Women nowadays dont know what their role is anymore so this is going to continue to be a problem for years to come. Especially, now that the media is pushing kids to go to preschool...keeping the idea that mothers should be out working. Im sorry. I just had to say this. I hope you find a peaceful solution/reconciliation for your current problem.
Take a deep breath and give her s h i t!
2006-09-27 21:02:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she feels bored. You have arranged most of the household work, she has more time to think of some ideas. It is possible that she might start looking for something more "exciting" and "interesting" to spark her life again. You are doing nothing wrong (although checking up her personal mails is not that right). How about go for a vacation or give her some "nice and sweet" surprises? Good luck!
2006-09-27 22:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by smurf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you've done anything wrong. Believe you me sometimes people can get caught up on the computer. If you are going to forgive her for this you have to let it go. I would even say give it a while and check to see if she was serious about not doing it again. If everything is okay LET IT GO if not then you have some decisions to make
2006-09-27 21:25:20 · answer #8 · answered by D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably nothing. Cybersex seems so innocent until you see that it can hurt someone. Kind of like having an affair but not. Makes you feel sexy and single again. If you trust her as a rule, just let it go. If she knows it bothers you and she really loves you, she won't do it again. It's nothing that you are doing or not doing. Sounds exciting when some other man finds you attractive.
2006-09-27 20:54:37 · answer #9 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you aren't doing anything wrong, you have a wife that is curious. Now, if you have already sit down with her and you are satisfied with what she has told you then you need to try and trust her again. Now on the other hand if you are not totally satisfied with what she has told you, then you need to sit her down and let her know that it's bothering you. If you do all that you say you do then it has nothing to do with you. Maybe she is having thoughts that she no longer wants to be married? You need to ask all these things and if she continues to do these things she's doing knowing full well that it's hurting you then she does not care about your feelings or you. You have to decide what you want to do, to stay or go! good luck!
2006-09-27 20:55:34 · answer #10 · answered by TNW22 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are u blaming yourself? It is not u. She is the one with the problem. The fact is, u can be the perfect spouse and your mate will still cheat on u, simply because the person cheating has a problem with commitment and honoring their marriage vows. Pls don't blame yourself. It has absolutely nothing to do with u and I suggest that from now on, u start looking out for yourself and what you're going to do about your marriage. If u decide to stay, realize that it's going to take a long time to trust her again. And the only way for that trust to be rebuilt is if the person who broke your trust also helps u earn it back.
2006-09-27 20:55:06 · answer #11 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋