Am I a bad sister?

Question

My sister, her husband and son were staying with her mother-in-law during the summer while they were renovating their apartment in the city. It's still not finished and now that school has started for her son, the drive was too long from her mil and she needed a place to stay closer to the city. I didn't invite her, she just informed me that she was going to stay with me! I'm VERY recently divorced with financial difficulties and living in a place barely big enough for me and my two kids.The mornings are crazy with 5 people trying to get ready at the same time since I only have one bathroom. Her husband is staying somewhere else. I understand this is hard on her family but how did this get to be MY problem when I already have so much stress? My sis and I have never had a really close relationship and during the hard times of my seperation from my husband, a whole month would pass and she wouldn't even call to see how I am. Are my negative feelings unreasonable? What should I do?

Just a note: No, my sister is contributing nothing financially to me but she does eat the main meal out. They do eat stuff like cereal, snacks, etc. here sometimes. Also, her apartment might not be ready for another few weeks!

Answer 1

Just from what you have said, you got the short end of the stick.
I think it is time to talk to her about either paying you something (or more if she's giving you some payment already), or moving somewhere else, for the sake of your sanity.

Answer 2

You're not a bad sister, you are allowed to feel this way because you are also going through a tough time and you are probably also trying to get your own life back on track.

You should have a talk to your sister and explain how you feel, maybe you and her could find a way to make things less crazy around the house.

If you cannot come to an understanding with her then you should suggest that she and her husband find other suitable accommodation .........

You may be sisters but that does not give her the right to take advantage of you, you have your own problems to deal with and you should let her know that.....
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I don't care what the others say, you are not horrible!!
If you didn't invite her, then she's intruding in your life and she's the horrible one for forcing herself and her kid into your little living space. She should consider herself lucky that it's you and not me she did this to. She wouldn't have gotten in the door, let alone feel that she could invade my life without my offering.
But, in the long run, I also believe you're doing the right thing by letting them stay with you. You just might need her help one day and you can remind her of how you helped her.
As crazy as it is right now, in another year or two, when things have calmed down for you, you'll look back on all this madness and find a laugh or two out of it, I'm sure.
Good Luck to you and yours and may the sis move out again real soon.

Answer 4

I understand where you are coming from my sister and I don't have a close relationship either and every so often I look around in my house and see one of her kids there. I could do that to her so believe you me I understand. I know this is a rough time for you and the negative feeling that you have are not unreasonable. At the same time we can not let our past get in the way of helping someone when we can. If all of this is too much for you sit down and talk with your sister and maybe she will make other arrangements after all this isn't your problem

Answer 5

I think that a lot would depend on how much longer this situation is meant to continue. If your sister and nephew are only going to be staying with you for a short amount of time (say, a few days, a week maybe), I would not make a fuss. But if they will need a place to stay for months to come, I would make it clear that your place is just not suitable for that many people and give her a date by which she must make other arrangements and move out. Of course, she has been making contributions to the daily expenses while she has been living with you, right? (Just an afterthought,)

Answer 6

You need to talk to her directly. She is trying to be very selfish. How much time it will take for renovation . If she says long time. Then you should understand her that it is not possible for us to live in a small place. So it is better for her to find another place. Your sister is trying to be oversmart. It hardly matters she is ur sister in your bad phase of ur life. She even didn't bother to call u. It is better for u to make things clear with her as early as possible. Otherwise these selfish people did not understand others feelings. They just want there work don. Just talk to her clearly without any hesitation and makes the things clear with her

Answer 7

Well.. you are frustrated with your current situation, that is why you are fed up about this and that to add onto your current situation.

Hmm... maybe your sister has her own reasons not to be around with you when you in your down ends. But somehow it seems that she only turn to you when she needs help like you are her 'angel'.

Perhaps you may want to highlight her on your current situation about the living space is too small for her as she will complain, ask her gently if she is sure to stay with you in a cramp space. If she still insist, let her stay with you then deal from there.

Dont feel negative, as one should live postively in own life.

Answer 8

no your not a bad sister,it sucks your sister is taking advantage of you.siblings do that though and you cant change it,if you kicked 'em out I'm sure it would be worse,you'd be the major bad guy,so before it develops to that extreme talk to her about it.I'm assuming she's helping out with things and such.Be tactful though as you mention what's intolerable to you,one thing though is youll never have the time your spending with them like this again,make the best of it,you get to input on her kids and undermine your sisters authority(little joke)seriously when they get the house back drop in unannounced for dinner and put the shoe on the other foot

Answer 9

I always told my children that with out family we have nothing! As most folks out there don't care if you are living or dead, just stay out of their way!

Plus, I believe what goes around comes around! Put out good in order to receive good!

You should try and put your negative feelings to rest! Try to learn to let go of your stress and simply do the best you can, and show love, compassion and understanding!

Answer 10

hi hunni, i understand, have that kind of relationship with one of my sisters, but i still love her, and my family has always stood by each other thru hard times, i would advice u tell her that things are difficult for you, she'll understand that. i still would have to say take her in and try and blance things out, i dont knw if theres any other way you could help her, she'll really apprecitate your help thru this hard time of hers, maybe instead of only see'ing the option of having to push her away, see this as a time to get to know your sister betr, have a chat with her, and explain the situaction, but say u'll help her out as much as you can, i hope this helped. it's a hard situaction. good luck love mary xo