how do u get over someone who cheated and lied?

Question

ok here it is i was with this guy and we were going to get married and come to find out he was leading a double life he was working out of town while i was at home hanging on to everyphone call when he was away he even let my kids call him daddy how do i move past this heart break because he is in my head al the time when i sleep he is there and when im awake all i think about is him how do i get him out of my head

Answer 1

I know you are hurting. This happened to me similar,,,I was devastated, My Grandmother gave me some great advice. Take something he gave to you that you hold dear and take it to someplace you both liked to go to. Your own special place. Everyone has one I think. Like a park, or beach or garden,,,you know? If it is a ring like it was with me I put it in a metal box wth a note where I wrote how I felt about what he did to me. Then I sealed it with plumbers tape and I buried it deep at least 14 inches by a big old tree and I said good bye to him right there and it was over. I had a good cry, I left, and I vowed no one would ever have that kind of power over my Spirit my self esteem and my self worth ever again. I made sure anything that was his was thrown out! I did not answer any of his calls if he did call and I told all my friends and family that they were Not to speak of him or to him about me if they were in my life! I got up brushed myself off and re-invented myself!
One last thing about your kids... NEVER, and I mean NEVER let your children call another man Daddy if they already have a daddy ! That is just wrong. Second, Unless you get married, and there is no Daddy, then it would be appropriate at that point. You set your children up to carry the same losses you inflict on your own love life, how fair is that? Why is anyone sleeping in your home when you have children? Your children deserve a Mom that protects them and is honorable to the T including not having men sleeping over when they are there in the same home. It is emotionally wrong and sends a poor message of moral judgement. I am sure you do not mean to do that but it does send out negative wrong signals to your children and also to the men you allow to come into your bed!( Why buy the cow when the milk is free?) If you do no set limits and standards and demand respect from men how will you ever get respect from men? You deserve respect and to be treated highly and regarded as such. I do not know how old you are, but at any age even in this century it really is not a wise idea to allow any man to "sleep over" when your children are home.They deserve better than that and need so much more to break out of the typical mold being set before them, understand? You have to give yourself more credit than that and take a deep look into the mirror. What do you want to see reflecting back in 20 years? Do you want your children to break out of this mold that is being set in front of them? A better life? Education? Success? Respect? Then you must Empower yourself and set your goals for it. Write down what you want and put in on the refrigerator. Then go cut out pictures of a house you would like to one day have and clothing and cars and put on your refrigerator.Make your goals ones that are obtainable within reason, not in fantasy land. Now how do you get them? On line college? Classes?, Self help studies? There are many programs and grants you can get that you can do with gov and state and local gov. aid programs if needed. Do you need to change your looks? How do you do it? Diet? exercise? All this is the Only way to get yourself motivated to re-invent yourself and become stronger and self-reliant. If you were you would not have written you were waiting by the phone hanging on every phone call. That is his way of controlling you.Close your eyes try to see yourself sitting by the phone wiaing for his calls and crying and the hurt and pain he caused. Remember how you felt, the anger, the humiliation, the sadness. He took from you your dignity you know. Now close your eyes again and visualize yourself on a date in a nice resturant with a nice looking guy in a tie, smiling back at you. He asks you to dance, you know this one is different because he is treating you with respect and cares about how you are feeling and how you are doing. One day that will happen if you open your heart to it. Negative attracts Negative and Positive attracts Positive. So, If you want to get on the right track and get into a life long positive relationship, then you have to start somewhere, and no one else can ever do it for you. If you are just pure lazy, you will wind up back by the phone crying next month waiting for yet another guy who could care less about you until he has no better options for the night, you know what I mean? I chose not to be the other option! It is up to you, weigh all the pros and cons. Some people wind up looking into the mirror 20 years later saying "Oh MY GOD! Why didn't I listen to my heart!"!!!! Then there are those like me that now are looking into the mirror 20 years later saying "OH MY GOD I am so happy I LISTENED TO MY HEART!" !!! Change how you think, act, and look, make new goals and most of all Bury the past and keep it buried. I have never gone back over 25 years now to where I buried the rings he gave me. I never will and will never tell anyone where they are. I choose not to re-visit that part of my life, that was when I was damaging myself and my sons as well. I did not know I was doing it, but reflecting on it I knew in my heart but could not face it. The day I buried his memory is the day I saved myself and my sons! You can do this it is very healing and it really does work! Good luck to you, your children are worth the effort of your re-invention! May God Bless You and Your Holy Spirit Guide You through these days......you will be ok,,,,,sus {:>)

Answer 2

i do way more than i should (which is you never should so i exeed the good limit every day lol) I used to cheat once or twice in school when i was a kid. Also I lie quite a bit. But I dunno if it's really bad lying, cause all the time someone will ask me "hey do you know this person". If I say "no" they will go into a 30minute description of the person and any meetings we've ever had. So to skip that I just say "yeah" i remember, cuz the story the are about to tell me will be just as funny if I know them or not. lol also if people i dont know well ask me "you okay?" do they really expect me to go into full detail about why im feeling bad? Would they even want me to? I don't think so

Answer 3

you realize that by keeping this guy in your head all the time you are cheating your kids out of a mother. The mental state of your kids is more important than your love life. And unless you find a saint, then you are mommy and daddy. Put your children first. And when you find someone that understands why you do this then hang on to him and get him in your head. Good Luck. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

This sounds familiar. My husband cheated on me (numerous times) while he was traveling, lied to me and then asked for a divorce...
I do not have kids but it's very hard.
You NEED to meet people who are going to help you realize that this situation is actually a blessing for you. I know it's hard to admit, that it;s a chance to start something new. You need to be positive. He is a JERK, I know you still love him but that's what he is.
I feel much better since I have heard that. 4 days ago I was still crying all day and I have hardly cried at all since.

Answer 5

Well, there's no actual way to completely forget the memories.Whether you like it or not, it will remain in your subconscience. I've somewhat been through a situation similar to yours (it was my best friend and her boyfriend cheated on her) and I'll tell you exactly what I told her. Distract yourself, avoid doing things that will remind you of him. Sure, it might not work, but pick up some hobbies or go jogging (HAHA) and it just might take your mind off of him. Also, think of what he did to you. He wouldn't have done this to you if he truly, TRULY loved and cared about you.

Answer 6

U really need to forget him. The cheater always wants to get you back. So they can cheat again. They will do their best to make your life miserable. It is up to you to decide whether you want live a normal life without him or suffer for the rest of your life. Do you want to suffer?

Answer 7

You focus on the fact that he was a liar and a cheater and he hurt you and your kids. When ever you feel yourself weakening remember all the hurt you feel. Maybe you can get some counseling. Next time I hope you will find someone worthy of you and your kids love.

Answer 8

it is good you realize that it is all in your head, that's the first step. next be glad that all of this came out before you married him thank God that your children will be safe from a liar like that and count your blessings all the way down the road keep moving don't stop living it will take time but time is the cure

Answer 9

The only way to get him out of your head is by getting him out of your life!! It's not easy, and it takes a while, but you better start now!!! Everyone has someone out there for them, he is not for you. If he was the one for you, you would never feel the way you do!!

Answer 10

well he is in your head because he held a place in your heart. you have to tell yourself that this guy didnt love you because if he did, he wouldnt have done these things to you. he wouldnt be leading a double life, you would be his life. it will take a while to get over him because of the memories and the love you had for him. there is no easy way out of a broken heart