I'm 23 years old and have been married 5 1/2 years i gave up everything to be with him!! We met while he was in the military moved around a lot then he got an honorable discharge i even went as far as to move to the state he's from i left my family and everything!!! I have a lot of bad feelings about doing that. He seemed like he didn't feel comfortable with me talking to my family everytime i did he would become mean towards me.Now it's got to the point where even if i'm reading a book or magazine talk on the phone he throws a fit he get seriously mad when i dont do exactly what i'm told to do! I feel sheltered and isolated we live out in the country and i just want so much more! I'm not conceited but i am an attractive girl i know i can do better but i'm scared to leave! What if i can't support me and my 2 kids? I think this is what is keeping me here. does he sounds like a possesive man to you? there are so many details i have left out i dont have the room to write it here.
2006-09-27 17:53:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me like your already having support issues for your kids. Growing up with less money but a happy family would be a lot better in my books then growing up rich and unhappy.
You have some hard choices ahead of you, think of your children and yourself. Balance out your options and move forward.
Best of luck to you with whatever it is you choose to do.
2006-09-27 17:58:21 · answer #1 · answered by Chris H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is abusive at all and hits either you or the kids get out now! If he hasn't hit any of you it doesn't sound like it will be long before he starts.
Your relationship doesn't sound healthy at all and while this is just an Internet answer site and I usually refrain from giving this type of advise but by what you have said here it sounds very familiar to me as I have lived through a similar situation, and barely at that, so I feel I have to speak my mind this time.
He is very controlling and sounds very dangerous. With him being military that makes him all the more dangerous to you and your children also. Have you ever felt nervous or scared when he has been having one of his fits? Do the kids ever run or hide from him?
Do you wake up dreading each day?
If you answered yes to any of those questions you need to get help now and get away from him. There are places that will help you. The military will help you if he has been abusing any of you also. Look in your phone book or call your local social services for phone numbers for aid for single women with children.
I hope I am over reacting but if not, PLEASE don't hesitate another minute. You and your children's lives are much too precious!
So you don't think it can't happen to you, I didn't think my ex would ever do anything like that to me either. Then he tried strangling me, twice! I wasn't smart enough to leave after the first attempt but when he almost pulled it off the 2nd time, I finally knew it was time to leave.
My neighbor wasn't so lucky with her husband though, he beat her to death 3 months ago. He just didn't seem the type!
BE CAREFUL!!
2006-09-27 18:10:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, he sounds possesive, but he also sounds angry. He needs to get some help, therapy. But in reading your question, I don't think you would be able to talk to him about that. You will end up hating him if this kind of behavior continues. I hope he doesn't throw his fits in front of the children. That is not good for them at all. You said you have family. Is there anyway they would let you and the kids come live with them until you can get on your feet? That's what I would do. You don't deserve a man who is going to treat you this way. And your kids don't deserve to be put through this. If you fear him, call a shelter and they will help you. Or call the police, then leave, go to your family.
2006-09-27 19:17:39 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are always 3 sides to any story, yours, his, and the truth. Reality is a subjective experience so I wish I had his side of the story here also. But based on what you wrote, without a doubt he is insecure, controlling, and no real man would behave in this manner. It sounds like you sacrificed a lot for this man and it doesn't seem like he appreciates it.
Having children is rarely a good reason to stay in a bad relationship because no matter how hard you try, those children are going to see these behaviors and learn unhealthy behavior patterns of their own. It's time to sit down and talk with him in a loving manner that this is no way to live and that you want to work things out such as your communication and him throwing fits anytime he perceives that you are ignoring him. If he chooses not to then I hate to say this but it's time to see an attorney, find out what your rights are, and get out of there.
Tell your family you made a mistake you're sorry and would like a 2nd chance. There are plenty of organizations and social programs to help you out. We all pay taxes so chuck your pride and ego and use them if you have to. That's what they are there for. You should also take a very close look in the mirror because a healthy woman would have not put up with this at all. You have your own issues going on. I know you are scared to leave and it will take a superhuman effort to leave, take care of your 2 kids, as well as work on yourself so you don't attract the same kind of man.
Remember, you attract what you are.
Rod
2006-09-27 18:03:01 · answer #4 · answered by thedatepro 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds Very Possessive. I doubt that it will get better. Talk to your family & friends then do what you can to get out if you feel that's what you should do. But honestly hon, it doesn't sound good. You can't talk to anyone on the phone w/o him throwing a fit? Don't be afraid to leave. That's how my ex husband got me to stay with him. I was afraid I couldn't make it on my own. Then one day I realized my daughter would think this is how a woman is to be treated by a man, and that my son would think that is how to treat a woman. Is that what you want your kids to think? I'm sure it's not. Get a plan started if you decide you're gonna leave, then when the time is right, get out. Be very careful that he does not find out about your plans, things could get very bad. Control freaks do not like losing control of any situation
2006-09-27 18:03:40 · answer #5 · answered by yobaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very possessive and it also sounds like it could be a potentially dangerous situation for you and the children. You have to put them first. You could always move back home right? or stay with a family member until you got on your feet? I would explore your options if I were you and try to get out of that relationship. If it's only gotten worse after 5 years, i can't see it getting any better. Also, they say some men who have been in the military can have violent mood swings and are often unreasonable and/or unstable. My own brother is like this, he was in the marines for 8 years, went to Bosnia and hasn't been the same since. He has threatened to kill me several times over nothing. Consider this a strong warning and remember to think of your kids first.
2006-09-27 18:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by skip_2015 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has control issues, that is not a marriage. Marriage is about love and happiness, it sounds like your not happy. Talk to your family for support. Someone has a solution, a place to stay, most states have programs to help support you and your kids until you can get a job and back on your feet. It is a big big step, but better than being ordered around like a slave. If you can't read a book or a magazine that is way overboard, you need to get out before you can't.
2006-09-27 18:12:28 · answer #7 · answered by tazz102 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
verbal usually leads to physical, it';s it's already at that point you need to leave tongiht. I know that teh fear wiht your childern can have a great impact on you, but 2 big things to think of reguarding them, First off they are smarter than you think, if there's abuse , either Verbal or Physical coming from him to you, they will notice it, and your actions will determine what they do later in life. EIther stand up for themselves, or learn to take it.
2nd thing financially, as a single parent you have alot of options avalible to you, Child SUpport from a divorce, and mnay state programs. They were made exactly so you don't have to worry about that as a factor to keep you where you don't belong.
THere's a difference from being posessive, and being abusive. Posessive means he'd rather see you one nihgt than have you go out with your friends. that can be a good think to an extent, When you caqn't be yourself, thats abusive.
If it hasen't gotten physicla then tell him you want to talk, and tell him how you feel, and what you want to change. Communication is vital in an y relationship, and for somereason underused it seems. But once again I'd only do this if your not in harms way, if it's at that point, you need to leave,
2006-09-27 18:02:05 · answer #8 · answered by Christopher 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun i am 23 too and we are so young right now and have so much more life to live. Can you really see yourself going through this for 5 more years??? If you can't say yes right away than you know in your heart its time to find happiness somewhere else.
I know it really sucks!!! It is so much easier to make up and stay than it is to break up and leave.
Just think of all the life you have left and what makes you happy. You will do the right thing ;)
Good luck & be strong
2006-09-27 18:05:08 · answer #9 · answered by HappyMama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, get out of there. Has he ever been violent? If so, defeinately get away.
You are still so young, and do deserve better. You don't want your children being raised to believe that that is the right way to treat a woman.
There are resources available to single mothers. You will do just fine. Plus he would have to pay you child support.
Does your family support you. Maybe you should consider moving back closer to your family. Just get out of there. Very bad vibes.
GOOD LUCK SISTER. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
2006-09-27 18:24:38 · answer #10 · answered by Shannifanni 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋