How do you give advice to a man who has so many questions for his dad who left when he was 9?How do you comfort him when he finds out his dad has cancer?What do you say when he tries to find his answers and his father just brushes him off.
2006-09-27 17:32:14 · 11 answers · asked by paulina83 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
thanks alot to those who understood that question,i could have been more specific i was jus not thinking about how i wrote it but how i thought it.it was hard to try and choose the best answer for me because there was so many great advice.
sorry to the person who didnt understand when i said partner,most NZ'drs say partner not all, rather than wife\husband g\f b\f fiance or what ever just easier that way i guess.for us!
2006-09-30 11:46:13 · update #1
I wish I had a real answer, but I've lived a very similar situation for the entire 27 years of my marriage. If his Father refuses to give him answers and brushes him off, hard as it might be, he may need to just brush his Father out of his life. My husband's parents abused him and his older sisters in ways that many of us can't begin to believe, especially from a parent. And they made HIM the family outcast when he ran away at 13, even his older sisters. He is his parent's only son and the youngest of 6. In 27 years I've met his parent's twice, neither "meeting" was very friendly on their part no matter how hard my husband tried. Your husband's Dad is the one missing out, just as my husband's parents missed watching their only son's children grow up. We are told to honor our mother and father, but how can we when they refuse to honor us? My heartfelt empathy goes out to you both as do my thoughts and prayers. God Bless and keep you, HE is the one Father your husband can ALWAYS count on.
2006-09-27 17:50:13 · answer #1 · answered by Daydream Believer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you wanting to comfort your friend.
First, a relationship is a "two-way" street. We assume that there is a relationship here, but I think that there is not. Sorry.
Perhaps there is only a "one-way" street here: listening to the father speak, and saying nothing. It's the hardest thing there is and your friend will not want to do this.
Second, every "man" has a dream father. He's way cool, teaches us everything, protects us, and makes us men too. And naturally, no guy ever gets his dream father (America just doesn't get this stuff right). What we're left with is reality and it usually takes a lifetime to understand and fix within ourselves.
Today, your friend is left with the "dregs" of reality. I suggest he 1) go to his father and listen, 2) try not to judge the guy (he has a lifetime to do that), and 3) try to realize that there are other men in the world that will take up the responsibility of fathering (it may be an uncle, or grandfather, or a military guy, or just an older friend).
But most important, just be there for him. And tell him that he's not alone in this "father-son" thing.
Cheers
2006-09-27 17:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by Monk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
particular, i imagine there's a connection. you'll locate that the traits that you dislike on your Dad are an identical traits that you may have little persistence for in human beings. My Dad changed into an alcoholic, and that i finished up marrying an alcoholic - possibly it changed into twist of destiny, possibly no longer. Thank God I had the brains to divorce my ex and that i'm now married to a ideal guy who isn't an alcoholic. only be careful that you do not finally end up marrying or being in a relationship with someone that has an identical traits that you dislike on your Dad. hassle-free because it sounds, it takes position extra commonly than you'll imagine. best of success to you.
2016-11-24 23:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing,,,,, just be there if you care for him because you can't fix his pain...... hold him listen to him and pray he finds peace with his father before he dies's.... show him that life will go on and that in time he will learn to deal with his life and accept that there are somethings that just are and that we as people can not control or fix everything. some people have great dads and some like me never know our dads its just a fact of our life's that we can not change. so we have to learn to accept and move on and not let it rule the rest of our life's.....
2006-09-27 17:42:04 · answer #4 · answered by 4stringthndr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard.. both my husband and i have had this problem both of our fathers left when we were little.. just be there for him and comfort him.. does he have a step dad? or someone who was there for him growing up any male figure if so tell him that, that male figure did a wonderful job raising him and he might feel a little better..
good luck!
2006-09-27 17:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by Tonya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad left me when i was 5 without explanation..my dad has inflazema and is dying and I am sorry to say but there is not much you can say if his dad brushes him off like mine did and he has something he feels he needs to say have him right a letter to him..even if he doesn't really mail it or does it lets him express himself it is very hard for men to express feelings especially to another male...reassure you bf that his dad leaving and being an idiot is not his fault it never was and it is his dad who missed out on knowing his son....its hard to handle and i personally don't like my boyfriend (i am a woman) to bring it up..My bf lost his mom due to liver failure and he doesn't like to talk about it but around holidays or her birthday he'll mention her he prefers me to comfort him and listen no questions so that all I can say...if you are able to talk to your bf mom maybe ask her how you can help him if you are close enough to her...a mom knows their son best but its hard when its a divorce involved..but anyway I wrote my dad a letter and mailed it to him I never got anything back but I know in my heart I did my part I tried to make things right and that will have to comfort me when he dies..good luck to you both he is so lucky to have such a sensitive caring mate like you
2006-09-27 17:42:41 · answer #6 · answered by Alli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think a person should have a relationship with his dad even if he is a cold person. relationships can have boundary and if you two both understand those boundary the relationship can be stronger. i think a relationship with your father help a person define themselves. if you have a good relationship with your father you might have a good relationship with your kids. just like with the mom. If you have a good relationship with your mom you can have a good relationship with you daughter. It just makes it easier.
2006-09-27 17:38:19 · answer #7 · answered by liljov2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if that person really loves you....make him open up...ask him about his life and if anything is bothering him....then ask him about his father...if he loves you then there is nothing to be scared of because you know how he is already....if he gets mad then prolly that meanz that he doesn't feel comfortable talkin to a girl or anyone...prolly he just wants to hold in the guilt for the rest of his life.,....
2006-09-27 17:36:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL you THE advice i was told. FIND A FATHER FIGURE worthy of your time. AND dont take no more insults from the loser who left.
2006-09-27 17:36:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could say whatever seems appropriate in the moment. But what is a "partner"?
2006-09-27 17:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋