Any words of wisdom for a newly separated woman?

Question

I'm really scared, nervous and unsure.....

Financially Scared...
Nervous that this is tramatizing my 12 yr old daughter.

Unsure of what steps to take. Roomate? Foreign exchange student? Second Job?

Thanks guys, I really needed the words of encouragement. I have put it to a vote because for once there were too many great answers......

Answer 1

You lived before him, you can live after him.

That is all I can offer. I have been through it but so have others, at your church, your school, your workplace, your family. Don't do it on your own if you are scared. Lots of people care. Seek them out.

Answer 2

Don't do anything you are not comfortable with.
Don't let anyone take advantage of you without prior consent.
Always use protection, always use protection.
Live your life--you are in the drivers seat.
Have fun every day.
Don't let anyone ruin your day.


I am in the same boat as you.
Just make sure you can do it financially. Get help from the gov't and check out other options. Roomate is good if you want to share your life kinda with them. If you get a second job you will have less time for your daughter who right now needs her mother.
email me [e-mail] and I will try to help you.
Get a pet.
Do the things you could never do before.
Try something new to get you out of the house.

Answer 3

Welcome to your new found freedom. You can pretty much do whatever you want.... within your own comfort zone. All those options you mention would help with the money situation.... it's just a matter of what you're comfortable with.

I'm sure you're smart enough to know this is a traumatic time for your daughter, just try to keep her in her routine as much as possible with a little change as necessary. Spend extra time with her and let her share her concerns with you and have open discussions that are age appropiate. Let her know she's loved and important.

Don't worry about the whole dating thing.... get your life in order. Use this time to figure out what you want to do and what you want to accomplish. Don't rush into anything as it will only complicate an already complicated situation.

I'm speaking from experience as I have gone through it too and now things are great. Good luck.

Answer 4

Keep yo head up. Try not to remanise and listen to sad slow music. Maybe get involved in some group activities or church to get your mind off things and to help pass the time. Make friends with other ppl online maybe in a chat room with ppl that are going through similar situations as yourself. Believe in yourself sweetie, your gonna make it through this though time. it seems impossible now but just try to think towards the future, I'll say a prayer for you and I'm sure whatever the cause of your being single now is a better situation and life for the future than you staying where you were.

Answer 5

Hon, you need space and time. Go call up your best girlfriend and see if she's available to go for coffee and a donut. If she isn't available, you surely know another woman you can get together with. You'd be surprised how many women have gone through it and who understand and sympathize. Be sure she's one of the accepting ones, 'cause you wanna let it hang out for awhile and that can get kinda raw!
Then start gathering up your shattered expectations and your misgivings and your hopes and plans and park 'em on the back burner for a few weeks. That's right, just leave 'em there and get on with life. If you're a working girl, throw yourself into the job. A student, get through this semester with the best grades you possibly can. Let your folks know what you're dealing with...you might find them very, very supportive.
Then when a few weeks have gone by and/or you're done with this semester, go to that back burner and see what's still in need of consideration. You'll find a lot of the hurt has dissipated into the morning mist. You'll find your hopes and your goals still there, still needing amending and revising. Get yourself a cup of tea, put on some music you can chill by, and start sorting things out. It will be INCREDIBLY easier now that you've let things be for awhile.
Do not go out right away looking for another relationship. If there's a possibility of getting back together with this guy you're seperated from, take time to evaluate why it went bad. You'll want to determine whether it's worth pursuing, whether both of you are capable of making the changes necessary, or whether you're better off completely rid of him.
I'd say give it a year before you really start dating seriously again.
It's awfully easy to fall victim to the overwhelming pain and lonliness of a separtion or divorced - I know, I inadvertently became the "rebound" for an otherwise enchanting and lovely woman. For several weeks, I was wiped out: this woman treated me like a king - and oh, the sex! Holy cow! But. She began to realize that I just was not her cup of tea. And so, she went through another painful separation - from me. I will not deny that it hurt me - a lot. Because I was on the rebound, too. Don't do that to yourself. Take your time. Life is too short and too precious to go through such experiences repeatedly. The lady in question and I eventually found someone new - but we took our time. She and I have been happily married to those new acquaintances for sixteen years now. So, you see, there is life after separation/divorce. Good luck - you deserve a happy life!

Answer 6

:) the more u work on urself, the better u will feel. *trust me*.

so having said that, work on:

1) your appearance: work out. exercise. take care of ur body. take care of ur skin. get new haircut. try on new clothes. buy Flattering, stylish clothes, make u feel good and look good.

2) your mind: study. read more. learn more about current events. find a hobby, and excel at it. the more u KNOW, the easier it will be for you to develop your own ways of thinking, as well as be able to TALK w/ others about it.

3) your relationships: as u build ur confidence in urself, and keep in mind to be Open Minded, Non Judgemental to others..... u will be able to speak out more, talk to ur friends, family members, practice talking about anything and everything u are learning, or find out what they are interested in. the more u practice, the easier it will be for u to do that with Strangers, or friends of friends, and not feel as shy...because remember, 1 & 2, u are already working on ur appearance and your brain, so u don't have as much to be "scared" about.

:) good luck...the more Positive attitude u have (remember, u can Always change something if u make a mistake, u can learn from it, u can always grow, and do something different tomorrow), the more opportunity u will have in ur life. confidence will lead to easier job interviews, making friends, getting to know new men & women, etc etc.... huge impact on ur life. but getting over ur shyness is the first step, and working on ur confidence will help u become less shy.

Answer 7

Dont be scared or nervous. Everything will be just fine. Do you have a job or children involved. if you answered those questions it would be easier to answer. I would say start or continue working and get on with your life. The perfect one for you is still out there waiting.

Answer 8

Enjoy being able to reconnect with yourself. Have fun and do the things that you want to do. Don't be too scared, later down the road, you'll know that you made the right decision for yourself! Best of luck, and have fun!

Answer 9

Give it time. The clouds will part eventually & you will see & feel the blue skies.

You will emerge with a new found confidence & the strongest sense of self you've felt for a long time.

In the meantime get on that dance floor girl & shake your booty for al you are worth xxx

Answer 10

Enjoy being by yourself. Relax. Join a club, like a gym and have fun.