I have asked him to quit, seek help, I have had an intervention, sought out family members and nothing has helped. I have a job that pays $14.00 an hour but that is not enough for a morgage and everything else a child needs. I do not know what steps to take to get out on my own and support my children. I have done everything I can for him, but I will not let him emotionally hurt our children. help!!
2006-09-27 10:49:20 · 13 answers · asked by Jennifer A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husbands alcoholism must be draining the finances anyway. You would probably be better off financially if you did leave him because he would have to pay child support.
You have done everything humanly possible to get him to stop drinking....he needs a wake-up call. Sometimes it takes a huge shock for an alcoholic to seek the help he needs. Leaving him may be the wake up call he needs. Unfortunately though unless your husbands admits he has a real problem, then nothing is going to work.
You must start thinking about yourself and your children because it couldnt be good for them to be around an alcoholic father...just think of the psychological damage this is doing and has done to them. I am sure the psychological damage he has done to you too is pretty bad.
There is a lot of help for you, and I would be contacting my local domestic abuse shelter or organisation. He may not be physically harming you, but he is psychologically destroying you and your children. They certainly would be able to give you the help you need...also they would be able to help out in referring you to appropriate accommodation. Also if you contact your local Salvation Army and/or Samaritans they also have a lot of resources.
Its a big move, but I think you know it needs to be done. It is very hard to think about everything....your mind must be swirling around not being able to think about much at all. That is why I suggest you get some help....You need help, firstly to get your head in order to enable you to work out a plan of action and secondly the support you need to actually carry through your plan of action. These people are experts, they have all the resources you will need, you just have to seek them out.
I wish you all the best...it is a terrible time for all of you.
2006-09-27 11:06:11 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first step you need to take is too move out and not tell him where you are going. Next get a restraining order so that if he does show up drunk he will go to jail. Third, file for divorce and stick to your guns. Going back and forth will only hurt things. After your divorce make sure you have a public place to meet with the kids or that he has supervised visits. Maybe taking his kids away from him will make him see what he is doing and then you won't have to go past step 3.
2006-09-27 11:09:53 · answer #2 · answered by Bigbabii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried Al-anon? It really helped me. I always stashed money away. So that if I needed to leave I had plenty of cash on hand. Al-anon for you, Al-teen for the kids. Gets you thinking clearly. You can not change him. When you start changing things happen. Things usually get worse before they get better. My husband sobered up. Had one relapse. He has not drank for 18 years. Our relationship is sane and healthy now. You probably take care of everything anyway, so you will make it. It is a long hard road. It did not happen overnight and will not go away overnight. Baby steps. My thoughts will be with you. Take action today. If a group is to scary go to a private counselor. Doing nothing will get you no where. There is always a choice.
2006-09-27 16:18:13 · answer #3 · answered by hello 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you've come to your senses and have realized that you need to get out.
Coming from a family with an alcoholic father, I respect your decision, you've tried all that you could from what you say, and there's nothing more you can do if he doesn't help himself; which he isn't.
Now, you have to think for your children. First, you need to find a lawyer (you can look on the internet for divorce lawyers in your city/state) and explain to them the situation. They will help you get out of this bad marriage as well as helping you pay for it with payment plans rather then one lump sum.
Now, you say your job wouldn't be able to cover all of the things for your family. I have come across a site, www.singlespouse.com and it is a resource page for mothers that need financial help. I would highly suggest you check it out because if you do you can get help with your mortgage, debts, loans, and housing.
2006-09-27 10:54:55 · answer #4 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get up and walk away, go to a shelter, your parents house a friends place, than get him for child support and alimony. I left my abusive husband of 9 years, with nothing but a part time job. I had to find daycare and a job, that I could pay for on my own. I survived, and so can you.
2006-09-27 10:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the house !! File for divorce and have him removed from the property!
Renting ? Pack some things turn the doorknob and leave... There are women's shelter all over this great country who are willing to guide you every step of the way!!
2006-09-27 11:32:11 · answer #6 · answered by Kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you have had enough, you will find a way. There are alot of agencies/support groups in your area who will help women in your situation.
You will definitely need to adjust both yours and your children's lifestyles to start off with. Good luck!
2006-09-27 10:52:12 · answer #7 · answered by shae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you go home to your mom's house? you need to get out of their, he is not only hurting himself, but his family, alcohol is a family disease. make a call to "First call for help" in the phone book, or call the abuse hot line, try any thing. Maybe your family can band together. Get out for yourself and the kids. this must be a lot on you. Pray, it works.
2006-09-27 10:56:15 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave and fast. Even if you leave with only the clothes on your back. You need to get away for your children's sake. Once your away, the biggest job will be to stay away. Plan ahead. Get all your bill money and leave.
2006-09-27 10:59:02 · answer #9 · answered by Cali Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for you to do is to get out and get a lawyer. That is not a good situation for you and your kids. If he refuses to get help there is nothing else you can do for him. It's not your fault or your kids' fault that he's the way he is. But you have to do what's best for your kids. Good Luck!
2006-09-27 10:59:57 · answer #10 · answered by ajsad36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋