Earlier I asked about a dilemma with my wife?

Question

I stated that I believed that she has had at least 3 affairs in the past (unproven, but the evidence is VERY strong). I got a lot of answers about letting the past be the past, but I still (years later) want a difinative answer. Is asking for a polygraph wrong? I want to know if I'm wrong or make her admit indiscretions so that we (I) can get past it.

Answer 1

gosh u can't let it go! i don't blame u, but she is not gonna be like, "ok let me take a polygraph". up to a certain point, ur gonna have to believe ur wife. and if u can't...then get a divorce dammit! i bet asking for a polygraph might grant that wish...so u'll actually be getting what u'r asking for u know?? ur looking for proof, and ur gonna get it. it's like that saying, don't get too close to the fire, or u might get burned.

work on your Trust issues from today forward...what was in the past should be in the past once u've forgiven her for it, and discussed it. to bring it up now means u have not been able to move forward, and in a relationship, u have to be able to GROW together, not stay stagnant. good luck.

Answer 2

I didn't read your earlier question but here's what I think: If it was a long time ago and she is currently faithful, leave it alone. It is unreasonable to ask her to take a polygraph test, that is a total invasion of her privacy and quite frankly, if I was ever asked to take a polygraph test by my husband I would leave your @$$ in a heartbeat, how insulting. Would you want all of your past sexual encounter dragged out of you? Why can't you trust your wife anyways? If she has repeatedly told you that she did not cheat on you then why can't you just be satisfied with her answer? If you really distrust your spouse that much then why the hell are you still married to her? If you really can't trust her then divorce her. You can't continue to stay in a marriage where there is absolutely no trust whatsoever. If you love your wife and wish to stay married to her then you really do need to let this nonsense go for good. Shi.t or get off the pot.

Answer 3

How badly do you want to end your relationship with your wife? If you ask for a polygraph test it will be like you are accusing her all over again and she will become defensive. In the past, have you received physical evidence or are you going by rumors and gossip? How long have you been married? The best thing you can do at this time is ask your wife to be honest with you without sounding accusing and accept her answer as being honest. Remember your vows, you both agreed to be their for each other in good times and bad. This may be a bad time but you can still get through it if you both work at it. You might even consider family counseling to help you both get through it.

Answer 4

Although you have no proof that your wife cheated on you, you seem to have a pretty strong feeling about it. I mean if there is evidence that is very strong and you suspect that she did, go with your gut feeling. Most of the time your instincts and your gut are not lying to you. I personally just thought I was being paranoid and didn't trust it and I was always right. From now on I trust it. A polygraph test is kind of weird to ask, especially years later. If it was for 2 months later, go right ahead and ask for it. You are beyond that point however. If you can't get past it, perhaps you need to get out of the marriage. If you want to save your marriage, go see a marriage therapist. Maybe that helps, if not, you need to get out. There is no point sticking to a marriage that you have uncertainty about. You need to have trust and communication to make it work.

Answer 5

Yes, it's wrong to ask for a polygraph. If you are unable to leave the past behind, then you need to move on into the future without the past (aka your wife.) If it has been several years since the last incident - let it go.

Answer 6

Yes asking for a polygraph is wrong. If you can't trust her answer then you can't trust her at all...you obviously still doubt her...and I am sure she knows it. I know it is hard to move on and put it in the past but you really need to if you want to have a healthy relationship with her now...if not you will end up apart for sure someday!

Answer 7

Forget it, you are never going to get past it and neither will she get past you forcing her to take a polygraph. I can almost guarantee you that if you have her take a polygraph she will leave you and if she passes you still won't believe her. No matter what you've already gone down a path that is going to destroy this relationship simply because you can't let this go.

Answer 8

You are never going to get past it. She's guilty and you know it. So the real question is do you want to continue being married to her or not? Does the polygraph answer mean you will leave her since the evedence is VERY strong?

Answer 9

Personally, I think polygraph tests should be left to criminal cases.

Make no mistake, you do deserve answers to your questions, but if she is not willing to admit to anything (and before you make accusations, you best have some sort of solid proof!) then you have to decide whether or not you can find forgiveness and move forward.

IMO, what it comes down to is trying to repair the relationship.

Answer 10

Polygraphs aren't especially reliable: they measure increased heartrate and perspiration, not truth or falsity.

I'd normally say see marriage guidance, but as your wife has been having several affairs over a long period of time, it seems unlikely that you can repair things, or that she has much respect for your feelings. Save yourself the heartache, and do both of you a favour- divorce.