how do i cope with the pain of having ended my 6 yr. relationship with someone who mainly hurt me?

Question

one incident, i had an old terrible running truck and he had 2 new cars, he convinced me into taking over payments on one and using it, he paid insurance. i am a single mom with 3 kids. it was wonderful, a car with no worries and i WAS able to make the payments. it felt so good. i later moved in with a girlfriend to share rent on a house, he got mad because i moved far away and was paying a little more in rent and thought i should be paying the car note off instead. i just wanted better for my kids, as did she, that's why we moved in together. he and i got in a fight, as usual a horrible one, i said we need to end this once and for all, see other people, he got pissed, wanted his car back, CALLED THE POLICE ON ME WHEN I DID NOT GIVE IT BACK since i was paying the bill and had been for over 1 yr. he told them he let me drive it and i would not give it back. i was crushed - my kids were too. yet, i forgave him and took him back for 8 months, NO, he never gave back the car.

Answer 1

if he hurt you, he is not good for you.

if he hurt you, u can do better alone.

if he hurt you, u deserve someone better.

therefore, there is NO reason to stay with him. the only reason to stay w/ him is if he makes you happier, better, positive, and respected. it does'nt matter that he has more money or more cars, i know u are thinking of the children. but if he is capable of hurting u and the children before, he can do it again. u need to wait til u can find someone u can Trust and Love and Honor and Respect, not fear, or feel bad about, or feel guilty about. a relationship is based on Love and Trust, and u develop dependence once those things are established. and u have to keep working on it, together, to continue to be able to depend on each other. the minute one person is not trustworthy or dependable, it is a sign to you that u need to change something: either make him change, or get out. good luck.

Answer 2

I completely understand what you're going through. I have been married to the same man for 14 1/2 years and separated for nearly 12 years. Neither of us have filed for divorce all these years....we have one daughter who lives with me and he pays no child support or anything. Up until January 2006 I was still paying all his bills and giving him money and I've never received anything from him not even a thank you...sounds stupid doesn't it. I always thought one day he'd come back to me but HE'S NOT. I met a man in January 2006 and finally realized that me and my baby's daddy were over for good. The man I met actually turned out to be a NUT FROM HELL...but at least I learned there is life after the ex. Pain never goes aways but it will get better as time goes on. You will find a man who deserves to have you and your kids, one who will take care of you. Take care girl!

Answer 3

Make a choice. That's how you cope.

Choice A: To continue to wallow in self pity of decisions made by both parties that were hard on not only each other and yourselves, but on children as well.

or

Choice B: Move on. Apologize to your children for the events of the last 6 years. Communicate with them why things are the way they are now (in as simple words as you can). Apologize to yourself for doing this to yourself. And make a promise that from now on, all decisions will be for the betterment of you and your children.

Emotional pain is a choice. Realize that you had lessons to learn from this past relationship, and you've learned them (I hope). Now it's time to move on to the next lesson...a little more equipped.
Life's about learning, not self pity.

Good Luck, and take care of those kids.

Answer 4

Take comfort in the idea that, no matter how bad it hurts now, you're still better off than you would be if you were still with him.

And since he was just technically lending you the car, you probably should have given it back when he asked for it. Next time you do anything that involves that much money, get the agreement in writing.

Answer 5

You kinda answered your own question...You did what you thought was best for your children..I would have said...Take me to court...showed every receipt for the car payments and the judge may have had him pay you back what you paid..OR made him give you the car...MOVE ON!! and find someone that will make you happy!! Sorry that your children got hurt by this asshole!

Answer 6

He was controlling and selfish, so don"t even look back at that relationship, just say thank God, for getting rid of bad rubbish. If you know in your heart, you are doing what is best for your children, that is your main concern. In due time you will get a new car. just hold your head up high, and be strong, everything will work out.

Answer 7

Oh snap! You need to let go of that punk for sure! Look you were doing fine before him.. and you can do just a good with out him! Dont grive over the lose because there wasn't one! You need to find someone with a good head and doesn't fight over something as lame as this! Out of sight out of mind! Dont sweat it. He wasn't right for you! You have your kids and they love you and you love them!

Best of luck!

Answer 8

Not to be mean, but why do all women stay with guys like this, who are complete jerks, treat you all like crap?? Wake up women, guys like this know they can control you or have power over you in one form or another, I know it may be hard but you have got to keep yourself busy and keep your mind off this jerk! I'm a single guy and I see alot of this crap everday, and it just blows my mind why women would subject themselves to guys like this and in return all they do is hurt you in the end.
There is a better guy out there for you, keep a positive attitude and your head up.....:)

Answer 9

It's hard to be alone, but is it worth the drama to have someone in your life like that? Think about the peace you have without him.

Answer 10

I'd say go to therapy to help you recover from such a lousy relationship.