My husband knows how i feel about porn yet he continues to do it and thinks I don't know. He will even want me to do things he's seen while watching the porn. I feel like this is degrading. He says he's thinks it's me in the videos, yet I think not. He has even started to e-mail an old co-worker of mine who used to cut up and hit on him jokingly when he would come visit me at my office. I've asked him if he wants her and he denies it, he says it's nothing. Am I over reacting?
2006-09-27 09:59:17 · 16 answers · asked by mickey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Check out the xxxchurch.com (or org, I forget) for some ideas, it is a site to give information for those with a porn problem.
How about get an old movie with, say, Fred Astair, and watch it with him. Tell him how gracefully and expertly he dances, then ask your husband to dance like that for you--after all, he watches professionals do weird sex and want you to behave like them, fair is fair, now dance like Fred. You could do the same thing with music you like and he doesn't, food, etc. He may have developed a taste for certain things, but why can't he have your taste in tofu or yogurt, etc.? Careful, he may try and expect you to reciprocate, but at least the point has been made and a discussion begins with more realism and seriousness. Good luck.
2006-09-27 10:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by Rabbit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the porn issue is a bit over the top. There is nothing wrong with extra stimulation. Now, if he is utilizing it too much, then it's a problem. I respect that you feel it's degrading, but to him, it's part of his sexuality (unless over-utilized as I mentioned). I can agree with the statement of Transference, where he imagines it is you. I do that as well with my wife. She loves porn, so I consider myself pretty lucky. My suggestion is that you loosen up a bit on the issue and it shouldn't become a problem.
As far as contacting your old co-worker, that's SO far over the line, it's not even funny. I would put my foot down if I were you. There's no excuse for that kind of behavior.
I honestly don't think he WANTS her, but I think more that he wants SOMEONE to WANT him. It isn't her specifically. If you were to approach him and ask him if the reason he does it is to illicit a reaction from you and if it was because he wants you to care, I'm pretty sure this will be the case.
Good luck. =-]
2006-09-27 17:18:14 · answer #2 · answered by BigDanInTX 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you remain firm in that you are absolutely not interested in pornography--even if your husband imagines that the women are you. Perhaps he is doing this to flatter you, get you to change your mind. How did he obtain your ex-coworker's e-mail address? Were they friends before the two of you married?
He is probably using your ex-coworker to make you jealous. I would talk with him truthfully about your feelings regarding the co-worker. And if he insists then maybe you should consider a separation. Clearly he is addicted to pornography such as one might be addicted to alcohol or even gambling. If his behavior is effecting you emotionally you might want to put some distance between your husband and his selfish behavior.
2006-09-27 20:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by roddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's a porn addict, he needs help. If he watches is every once in a while casually, you're probably over-reacting. However, him e-mailing your co-worker is highly inappropriate. Sounds to me like he's doing more behind your back than you're aware of.
2006-09-27 17:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has NO business e-mailing YOUR old co-worker. The only reason he is doing it is because he wants her, sorry to say it so bluntly. He is lying about thinking it is you in the porns. I think that this is causing you stress in your life that you don't need, so give him an ultimatum to stop talking to her and stop with the porn or it is over. it is the only way.
2006-09-27 17:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by sweet serinity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No girl your in the right. My ex husband would do the same with the porn. I stopped sleeping with him and told him to screw himself then!! Well it didn't faze him at all, it pissed me off more. No girl, your so not over reacting. I'm sorry I couldn't give better advice.
2006-09-27 17:29:26 · answer #6 · answered by Sissy Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not over-reacting. Porn is sick crap. Sounds like he needs to get his priorities straight.( Wife or no wife). Tell him that you won't put up with it and if he continues his behavior, show him that you won't put up with it . Ya gotta stand your ground though !
2006-09-27 17:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by nightcrawler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you need to sit down and really tell him how you feel, and let him know that you don't like him talking to your ex co-worker... turn on the water works if you have to.... If he doesn't respect your opinion or your wishes.. do what you need to do!
2006-09-27 17:16:42 · answer #8 · answered by Heather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not over reacting, he is getting addicted to porn and if you don't get it nipped in the bud now, it will just get worse over time...
2006-09-27 17:06:01 · answer #9 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well....in my honest opinion, i think your reacting just the same way i would, but i would go and tell him to get rid of the porn, or the relationship is off, or he can go get help for his problem, if hes addicted to porn, but, thats just how i would act.....good luck!
2006-09-27 17:02:48 · answer #10 · answered by ILUVBOO-BEAR! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋