Falling out of love.?

Question

Ever since I gave birth to my two month old son, I feel like I am falling out of love with my husband. We always fight, and he wasn't really "there" during my pregnancy...alot of days I feel like a single parent. I love how we are together on our good days. But lately we have more bad days than good. I know marriage isn't easy... but I just kind of feel like I could do better. I don't want to leave, but I don't want to stay if we both aren't going to be happy. What can I do to fix my marriage? Any ideas, because I do love him, I just have to remind myself of that somedays.

Answer 1

You answered this yourself...you have to remind yourself. I went through the same thing after my second baby....I just kept thinking to myself, "why is it like this? I don't think I like him very much anymore, though I do love him. I don't think he is THE one, bla bla bla. One day I decided to start thinking differently and I started thinking, "you know, he is pretty great. I do love him. We have a good life. I'm happy. It could be worse....and so on" As soon as you start thinking positive, your life will be positive. It's all a matter of the way you think. If you dwell on the bad, it will consume you, if you dwell on the good, it will too. Just keep thinking to yourself how much you love each other and how far you have come together. Of course, after having a baby that you love sooo much, it amazes you how much you can love your baby, all other love seems less. It's not, it's still there, you just have to find it again..Try it.....force yourself to think positive for a week and see what happens to your quality of life. You may find that your baby will be happier too. :)

Answer 2

I'm with ya here. I have a 4 mo old, and my dh and I have been together for 10 yrs. Boy have things changed. My friends have told me it's the same in their marriages. Honestly, a year ago I'd have told you I had the best marriage possible. Now? Not so sure. I also wasn't happy with how "not-there" he was for me during my pregnancy.

So, I'm struggling with this myself. I guess my advice is: HAVE FUN TOGETHER. Yup, do things fun. And contrary to what everyone else here says, maybe don't talk about the problem. At least not right away. I feel that the more dh and I talk about our issues the issues appear bigger. If you both love each other, then realize that you're both going through a big change, more responsibility, an identity shift personally, and a shift in what you want/need from your partner. It's a lot to digest all at once. So give it time, focus on doing fun things together and as a family. Then re-evaluate your situation in a couple of months.

But don't make any rash decisions right now. The first few months of having a baby will be some of the most emotional times of your life.

I give this advice to you and to myself!!

Good luck.

Answer 3

First off, congrats on yur new bundle of joy!!

I can't imagine how hard it's been to try to adjust to a new little person in the house. I personally don't have kids, but I think that what you're feeling is perfectly normal, and a lot of women go through it....

Have you talked to your husband? By talked to him, I mean flat out said "I love you, but I really need your help. Taking a midnight feeding or sitting up with him once in a while would REALLY make it easier for me..."

I love my own hubby more than anything on earth, and I know that there's not a thing in the world he wouldn't do to help me. The problem is that anticipating what I need is not a strength of his -- in other words, if I don't say something, he assumes everything is fine - even if it would be perfectly obvious to someone else (read: another woman - lol!) that everything's not fine. And if I get mad, he doesn't understand why, because prior to, he just didn't get the signals. It just may be that he just doesn't get it, and feels like you're "beating up on him." You owe it to both of you to just ask for what you want. No hints. No assuming it's obvious - just ask for the help and support you need.

I don't doubt that you love your husband. And I certainly don't doubt that it's been a tough adjustment period for you. You're a mom now - everything has just changed!!!

Good luck! I know you'll work it out!

Answer 4

I think you need to cut yourself (and him) some slack, dear. You have a 2-month old baby who is demanding your time and attention and you're probably somewhat hormal, tired and not feeling exactly wonderful.
Look, it's your job as a wife and mother to provde your son with a stable, loving home. Do whatever it takes. Stop arguing. Stop feeling resentful. Stop fighting. Stop expecting to be "happy" and be grateful you have a husband you do love, and a new baby.

Also, ask your family or good friends to give you a little break. Get your hair done. Have a pedicure. Have a dinner out with your husband. These feelings are just a part of life and if you can stop arguing and fighting and possibly get some help with the baby, you'll improve things dramatically.

Answer 5

Focus on yourself, what you can change. Don't focus on him correcting his wrongs. What can you do to change you. It is hard for you to be the one to want to make the relationship work, but marriage is a committment. Hearing how sensible you are talking about it, I would encourage you to work hard on it. When it gets touch, do it for the new baby. Avoid conditional discussions, arguments if, why, u! also calm down, avoid unnecessary arguments, control ur mouth. If it gets back take some time off to reflect. Visit parents or friends from another town but don't bad mouth your relationship. Only YOU and HIM can ever fix what you put together in the first. Do not consider Divorce, unless he beats you, is a danger to your child or can bring a bad disease home because of his careless lifestyle. Good luck.

Answer 6

this is what i wrote to someone else's question regarding what marriage is about..... and i got best answer! :) haha..anyways, i'd like to share it with you, and i wish you MUCH luck. i think that u are doing the right thing, u do have to remind urself that u love him, that is Awesome! he needs to appreciate that!!:


gosh.. lately i've been thinking a LOT about relationships and what marriage means to me. here's what i've come up with:

when u are dating someone, u are Looking for someone who specifically will do what is Good and Right for you; and you do the same for that person. that way, no matter what obstacles u face, the Commitment keeps you together, and u already know u can get thru anything together, because both are open minded, and actively seek to do what is good and right and healthy for the future Marriage.

also, i believe once u find that person and marry them, it actually FREES you, it's opposite of ball and chain: you are now FREE to give and receive love, with NO fear of rejection, or hurt feelings..! when u date someone, u are constantly afraid that u have to play games, don't show ur true feelings, etc etc.. they might leave you. but when u are married, it is cuz now u don't have to worry about that anymore! u don't impress in order to keep them around... u impress because you CHOOSE to do it. it's unconditional. and a marriage takes work, but it's the Satisfying kind of work.... u know this person is worth it, that's why u married him/her!! so u gotta constantly learn and Grow together, to never let the marriage become stagnant, boring, or too lazy. if there's Anyone in the world u want to treat well and do right by, it's your Partner. instead of taking him/her for granted and treating them like a slave. u have to actively remember to do your job as a Man, as a Woman in a marriage, and then Appreciate, and Show appreciation to each other. because that person is worth it...and if u are worth it, they should do same for you. and to work on a relationship ,to keep eachother happy... what else could u ask for?

people say they want a wife or husband who "does whatever they say". that is B.S. u want someone who Chooses to take care of you, not just cuz u say. it is always a choice..when someone stops doing their job, they are choosing to disrespect, they are choosing not to take care of their responsibilites. so u gotta make sure u are Accountable first, and then you keep each other accountable..and i believe that will save almost all marriages from failing..when both people accept and take on their responsibilties, using thier Love to GROW and LEARN each day, every day. neverending... :)

Answer 7

Marriage is hard...it is one of the hardest things to to deal with in life. I would seek counseling if you can. If not there are some books out there that might help you see why you feel this way and help you figure those feelings out. Just give it some time and try to stay positive...everyone at some point in their lives goes through a rough time. Good luck!

Answer 8

Being married is not easy. It takes lots of patience and time to make a marriage work. Here is what you can do to bring the romance back, you could take the kids to a babysitter or a trustworthy family member on a Friday or Saturday night. Take your husband on a date to the same place where the two of you met, first date, first kiss etc. Take him to a place where both of you remember. It will bring a smile to his face and heart.
Good Luck

Answer 9

I think the best first step would to be open and honest with your husband. It is probably important to figure out how he feels before determining a course of action. If both of you recognize there is a problem then it is possible for you to work together to rebuild your relationship.

Answer 10

first congrats to the both of you. Now the the line of communication is still alive and establish outside help is in order.
Please try one thing first, take the baby over to your parent or his parent house for a weekend. then the both of you spend parent alone time.
Second is upset that the baby is taken is always taken up your time. Are your spend to much time's with the baby?
If so then you will to re-confer your love for him and you have to give your love to the both of them (more to the baby, because he can not do for his self).
What you are experiencing is over male ego call jealousy. It will past as junior grow over and bond with his father. Until then God bless you and your family.