My ex left me because I was not meeting all his needs. We grew apart after ten years and he decided he was not happy. He had an affair and is now moving on with this woman. This almost destroyed me - it has been six months but I am getting through all the pain, anger and disappointed. My question is...I know how this impacted me and our son...I keep wondering what he is going through? Does the dumper go through as much pain as the person getting dumped?
2006-09-27 07:52:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was immature. I am glad you have started to move ahead in life. You must continue to do this. Eventually he will see what he has done. He is happy for the moment because he has some "new sex"...... this will wear off and he will look for someone else, perhaps even back to you. Don't even think about going there...... The dumper doesn't go thru as much pain as the dumped upon, but he will get his eventually..... Concentrate on you and your son and moving you two forward, and don't give him a 2nd thought anymore. We aren't all that way, honey. Good luck to you!!!
2006-09-27 07:58:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a horrible story. I'm sorry for your pain. I too was dumped over 30 years ago and although my ex wife has since died and my daughter from that marriage is the joy of my life, its hard to totally forget the pain that I know you now feel.
Before she died, I talked to my ex-wife and asked her the question you asked. She said above all things, she felt guilty. She said that she fell out of love with me because I was in the military and she missed her home more than loving me. This may not be a good reason to get a divorce, but this was her reason. And... she also missed an old boyfriend.
I don't think she ever felt as bad as I did. It was her choice and she found what she was looking for, even though at the time it shattered my world. And... I don't know if this is a good ending or not, but my ex married two more times. Each time she found reasons to leave her marriage. My daughter went through hell because of her. But, eventually my ex's diabetes caught up with her and she died because she was not taking care of herself.
I know I am a horrible person, but I did not mourn her death. As a matter of fact when it happened, I smiled.
TX Guy
2006-09-27 08:05:33 · answer #2 · answered by txguy8800 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was actually the one who was dumped but I wanted to let you know that the one who is dumped eventually becomes the "dumper." The one who left is not worthy of your concern.
I did not want a divorce and I thought I would never heal. The pain was like committing hari-kari and living, like drowning in molasses & quicksand.
Good for you for getting through the pain and anger. Because you are able to do that I believe your son will do it too.
God bless you and your son.
2006-09-27 08:18:14 · answer #3 · answered by JOYfilled - Romans 8:28 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jaja, and I not laughing about you, I am laughing because I am in the same situation.
Remember when you and him were OK, in the beginning, everything was wonderful, no mistakes, no imperfections. Well, they are in the same moment now. He will think that she is the Wonderful Woman in earth, Thank god that I found her, etc etc. So, he must be in the part of having "fun". Of course that he miss some details because after all you knew him better but is not worth to think about it.
My recommendation, I know that hurts, and you must be asking yourself a lot of questions, but guess what, if you knew the truth maybe will hurt you more so, why to worry?
Try to get same fun for you, and stop worrying you because of him.
2006-09-27 08:01:02 · answer #4 · answered by success532 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your son to a family therapist if you think he needs help talking about what happened.
As for the dumper feeling pain? Usually not...just a little guilt.
2006-09-27 07:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i ended my marriage for many reasons. another man was not one of them. it was horribly painful but i'm sure that my ex was in even more pain. no matter how much pain....the dumper never feels as bad. i know it was the right thing to do but still have guilt after four years.
2006-09-27 08:14:15 · answer #6 · answered by leftbrainedgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is my life story that destroyed our family.
My mom cheated on my dad and left him for this man.
I was 12 and my lil sister 10. We LOST all repect for her. We were filled with anger and tears. My dad, .... I have never seen him cry and that tore me inside. My dad suffered a lot but when I got older, I realized that my MOM also suffered. She had to live with the fact that SHE broke her familys heart. Everone suffers, I think, My sympathy for u and ur son. But help ur son, right now, he is looking up to u to be strong for him
2006-09-27 07:57:51 · answer #7 · answered by Justme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not. As a self centered conceited jerk, he has justified his irresponsible behavior as something that happened to him, not that was caused by him. He probably has convinced himself that it actually is healthier for the children than before.
Only good thing about jerks like him is that 90% of the time marriage number 2 falls apart for the same reason.
2006-09-27 07:56:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually not, because all of his immediate (or important) needs that you were not fulfilling are being fulfilled. If this woman begins to not fulfill these needs, he may begin to see that it might not have been such a smart move to leave you. He will either stick it out with the other woman, will try to get back with you or move on...
2006-09-27 07:56:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, and they really don't care how you feel. They now feel satisfied for the moment. sorry to hear that
2006-09-27 07:59:17 · answer #10 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋