baby died, when should we try again?

Question

I was 27 weeks pregnant (1 week shy of 7 months) and i found out that my baby died last week. I was forced to go into labor as any normal pregnancy and deliver a 'stillborn'. It was a boy, we named him Spencer. He looked just like my husband. Its been really hard for the both of us as you can imagine.

My husband and i both wanted this baby so bad. We had everything ready for him. Its been 1 week today since i delived the baby boy and my hubby is already talking about me getting pregnant A/S/A/P.

How long should i wait to have intercourse after birth? (remember this was a 2lb baby, so no tearing or stiches) When hould we start having another baby?

Answer 1

The answer to that is -- Whenever you are ready.

The grieving process is going to take years. In the meantime, why not try to fill a little bit of that hole in your heart with a new baby? He or she will never take the place of Spencer, but can help make you both accept his departure.

As to when, I would say that all you would have to do is give your body this month or two to heal, and then let nature take it's course. Was there any indication of what it was that killed Spencer? And is it something that you may need to worry about for another baby? These questions should be answered by your doctor, before you conceive.

Good luck to both of you. God bless.

Answer 2

I'm extremely sorry for your loss.

My sister-in-law went through the exact same thing only she was only about 5 or 6 months along -- she had a boy. This happened in November of 2004 and she became pregnant again in July of 2005. They waited a few months to grieve and cope with the death of their 2nd child before they tried again. They had a healthy baby boy this past April.

From what I'm reading, some are saying that you should wait until you have a full period, but I say be emotionally and physically ready first. There's no need to rush so much. You're body may be ready, but you may not be (not yet anyway).

Good luck and again, my deepest sympathy.

Answer 3

you should wait until your post partum appointment and discuss with your doctor when they feel your should start ttc again. Most doctors will suggest waiting until one normal, uncomplicated cycle has passed so that they know everything is okay with you.

i am so sorry for your loss. I went into labor at 23 and delivered at 27 weeks....

in all, if your doctor gives you the green light, than try when you are ready. Having a healthy baby may help you with the healing process over your loss of Spencer, but only you can decide if you are mentally prepared for it.

Answer 4

First of all I am so sorry about your lost...I know it can be hard but believe me I've been there you make it through one day at a time.To answer your question about when to start trying again I would suggest to find out what happened to the baby (birth defect,etc..) If it was a birth defect your doctor may suggest genetic counceling until you find out the exact cause of death I wouldn't rush anything most doctors suggest waiting as long as 1 -3 years after something dramatic like that occurs..My prayers are with you and wish you the best

Answer 5

Oh, Honey, did your doctor not discuss these issues with you?

Did the baby and/or placenta get examined by a pathologist? Were there chromosome studies done? Was there any explanation for the intrauterine demise? Did you test positive for any of the TORCH infectious diseases? Have you had genetic counselling?

The answers to all these would go into his or her advice about when to start trying again. In general, you should probably wait 3-6 months to give your body a chance to restore it's reserves of all the nutrients lost in this last pregnancy.

You have my most sincere condolences on this profound loss. An interval of time will also allow yourself and your husband time to grieve.

Answer 6

You have my deepest sympathy. As for tyring to have another baby, I think you and your husband need to make an appointment with your doctor and discuss this with them. Taking your husband to the doctors appointment will help because he will be there to hear what the doctor says should they say physically you need to wait. Now there is the emotional waiting. You and your husband just suffered a tremoundous loss. You both need to discuss how each of you are feeling and work it out together. There is no right or wrong answer that we can give you on here.
God Bless You Both!

Answer 7

I know your wanting to jump right in there and try again , but you and your husband need to wait a little while to get over the one you lost and to give yourself some time to heal on the inside..It's best to check with your doctor to make sure that it is safe to try again so soon..I'm no doctor and telling you something that may harm you or the next child would be wrong, you really need to get that advice from a doctor..Sorry for the loss of your son,and I pray your next pregnancy will go full term with no complications..Good Luck to the both of you and God Bless..

Answer 8

I am pretty sure that even though the baby was small you should not be having sex for the normal 6 weeks and after your post partum checkup. Then they will probably tell you to wait 6 months at least to heal. I am so very sorry for your loss, I cant even imagine.

Answer 9

You really need to talk to your doctor about that. Your body still needs time to heal itself, and emotionaly, you would not be ready.

I am sure you noticed the major changes in your body, hormone-wise, and it takes time to recover from that. You don't want to send your body into any kind of spiral. You could end up with huge depression issues just because of major hormonal imbalances. But physically, speak with your doctor about that, because he is the only one who really knows your case, and situation. He will be the one to give you the best advice.
And btw..Spencer is a wonderful name. So very sorry for your loss. Best of luck to you both!

Remember, don't let your husband push you into anything, take time out for yourself and your body. You have plenty of time ahead!

Answer 10

You should ask your doctor. You really need to let your body get back to normal. You need to let your cervix have some time to heal and close so that you won't have a misscarriage first. I am so sorry for your loss. Did they come up with a reason for the loss? You should really do some research and talk to your doctor.