I want to live with him to make sure that we are compatable--i.e., our living habits don't drive each other crazy. I feel that so long as we both have morals this shouldn't be a problem.
2006-09-27 07:28:34 · 36 answers · asked by Rogue7 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I honestly, in todays world, Think it is best!
I lived with my husband for almost 3 years before we got married. You never know what a persons habits, choices, personalities really are unless you live with them.
Now a days marriage is entered into lightly. People shrug it off like a bad cold. It should still be sacred and a pact. Some still feel living together before marriage is not right but in todays society no one has the time to try to work out difficulties with marriage.
Live together first. Try it for about a year or 2. Then get married if all things are still great between the two of you.
Good luck!
2006-09-27 07:30:51 · answer #1 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
This is one of those decisions that people will not hesitate to give you never-ending advice about. Some will scream that, "it's immoral to live together without being married!!!"....and some will say the old cliche', "you wouldn't buy a car without test-driving it first, would you?"
Know what? They're both right.....and they're both wrong, too.
All that matters is what's going to work for YOUR relationship and YOUR moral beliefs. What 35 people on yahoo answers say to you shouldn't matter one iota.
That being said, it's my opinion that this is a decision that only you and your boyfriend can manage...and I URGE you to discuss the issues and come to the decision mutually. Otherwise, one of you will wind up with hurt feelings and an underlying mistrust of the other.
Aside from that, the only advice I can give you is to ensure that if you do decide to live together, you and your boyfriend set a limit on the time that your going to cohabitate without taking your relationship to the next level.
You're talking marriage in your question, so I'm assuming that's where you see the relationship heading...as such, you might put a one year time limit on the "cohabitation without engagement" situation. That is, both of you agree before you move in together that you'll live together for no more than a year without getting engaged....any longer than that, and you'll get separate places again.
That way, you can figure out whether or not you guys are compatible as living partners, but not drag out the engagement/marriage process to the point that it becomes meaningless.....
I hope this helps!
2006-09-27 07:45:15 · answer #2 · answered by Silver 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Living together won't tell you a whole lot about living habits. It could, but there are at least a few things that run contrary. First, you are in love, and nothing your partner does seems that bad. The other thing is that at this point in your relationship, you don't show your downside if you can at all help it. You are trying to impress the other with how much you are willing to help out, how well groomed you are, how good your language is, etc., you aren't about to fart or belch in the living room unless you have already gotten by those obstacles.
The other thing I thought of was your question on morals. I don't know what you mean by that, but if it is abstaining from sex, consider this. Everyone except your closest friends will assume that you are doing it. It will be hard to abstain when the bait is constantly dangled in front of your face.
2006-09-27 07:41:29 · answer #3 · answered by Scott K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Practically good- living togther is cheaper all the way around, you learn about that other person what you wouldn't know until you you did, then there is no turning back, with marriage. (personally I would rather shack up with some guy and figure out that i didn't work than have a FAILED MARRIAGE -to all you Bible thumpers out there what's worse? I mean hardly ANYBODY waits until they are married to engage in sex anyways.)
Practically bad-if you have a morale stigma saying "no" it will bother you until you just "get used to it."
How old are you- have you lived on your own before? you need to do that for a little while before you move in with a man- because it gives you a chance to find out who "you are." and that is another stepping stone to a sucessful marrige in my book. (not being too young, that is.)
I also recommend to put off marriage as long as you can- that way it is kept sacred than "Just getting a marriage liscence to have sex all the time" like some would have you do!
premarital counseling will bring up any questions you forgot to ask each other and I find it very recommendable!
2006-09-27 07:50:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, its a bad idea, even with morals, you still have hormones. aside from that there is this. If you marry and move intogether, and some things seem incompatible, you will work them out, if you just move in together, and something drives you nuts, its so easy to break up, you may break up over something you could have worked out. If you wanna know your compatible, Date a long time before you marry. If there are things to worry about, you will see them. Also, spend time with his family, watch how he treats his mom and sisters.
2006-09-27 07:33:06 · answer #5 · answered by rastapunker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Other people (e.g. old-fashioned) may think that it's morally wrong. So, you might face some challenges as far as getting along with family members on both sides, etc. If family relationships are important to you, then my advice would be to be patient and tactful with them and to respect their opinion.
However, I personally think it's wise, as long as you are responsible. In other words, use birth control if you're going to have sex, and talk about what you will do "just in case" an unexpected pregnancy happens. Otherwise, your intentions will backfire. The idea is to make sure that you truly want to get married, not to force yourselves to get married! LOL.
2006-09-27 07:36:49 · answer #6 · answered by PJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I promise you one thing: eventually he IS going to drive you crazy, no matter what. If you live with him, you're just going find that out sooner than later. Marriage is about adjusting to each other and finding out how to live together in harmony.
If you think that you are morally strong enough to not sleep with him while you're living with him, then you should be morally strong enough to stick to a marriage commitment, and work out whatever little idiosyncrasies come along.
Your level of dedication to the relationship and his level of dedication to the relationship is more important than whether one of you is a neat freak and the other is a slob.
If your vows really are solemn to you, then everything else is just details.
2006-09-27 07:35:01 · answer #7 · answered by MornGloryHM 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the whole point of marriage, is 2 becoming 1. A permanent union between 2 DIFFERENT people. Living together will always be new, challenging, and a roller coaster. As long as you have good communication, it should work out fine. Dont spoil the newness of marriage by moving in early. So much of what makes marriage special is ripped away when you live together, sleep together, bank together, etc, before. Let your new life together have some surprises okay?
best of luck
2006-09-27 07:32:19 · answer #8 · answered by xrionx 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why would it be a problem?
you have a good idea there. i don't particularly care if it is tacky... it's hard to be married. you should take steps to prepare for your lives together rather than hoping for the best because you are too worried about what your relatives might say.
ok, i think you mean well xrionx... but marriage is forever. when we forget what is significant about marriage, we start ritualizing the trappings of love, i.e. weddings. a marriage is the base of a family, it is a union that enables civilization. in choosing to experience "newness" just because it is new, what is lost? everyone is different, but rituals are not reality. that newness might be the shock that breaks the new bond if you weren't prepared for it...
i believe the practical purposes outweigh the symbolism.
2006-09-27 07:30:16 · answer #9 · answered by uncle osbert 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If what you say is true, then don't marry! When you marry someone it's forever weather their habbits drive you crazy or not!! When you marry someone you take them for better or worse remember?? So if you aren't willing to commit for a lifetime no matter what, then you have no business marrying. You can live together and have morals, but if it's tacky you won't??????????????????????
2006-09-27 07:37:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋