I have been married for three years to a man I truly adore. We do not argue very frequently and actually get along great for the most part. However when we do argue it is BAD. He has threatend to leave before when we have argued in the past. We had an arguement last night and he said that he wanted out of the marriage.....it blew my mind. I didnt know what to say so I told him to go ahead and leave. We did not speak this morning and went our seperate ways to work. I cannot concentrate on anything and all I have done is cry. Should I just let him go this time? I usually am the one that tries to mend things between us but I dont feel I should have to concede this time. I am tired of the threats. I love him but is it worth always wondering when he is going to make good on his threat? We have two kids and they heard him say he was leaving and they are petrified as well. What should I do?
2006-09-27 02:28:30 · 21 answers · asked by Stacy H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In my experience, as a man, when I get upset I want to walk away from the situation and analyze it, then come back and try to work through it.
Women on the other hand seem to want to deal with it right now, to get it over and done with. (no slam intended ladies)
I believe this is just one example of how men and women are wired differently. There is nothing wrong with either method.
My suggestion, let him cool off and think about it for a few days, then sit down with him in a calmer atmosphere and let him know that what he said is frightening the children and you.
The next time you argue, and you will, be aware that the best thing to do is back off a little. That doesn't mean concede your point or stand, but approach him with a different tactic.
2006-09-27 02:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He threatened to leave before and didn't and now has threatened it again? You did the right hting and called his bluff but it is certainly not comfortable now. You are at a crossroads here. Ask him again if he wants to leave - if he does not, tell him that you want counseling, or the next time you will save him the trouble and that you will move out, take the kids and take him to court for child supprt. Then tell him you expect an apology (I presume you were right and he was wrong in the latest dispute). You should not have to put up with this emotional blackmail. Good Luck
2006-09-27 02:36:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you should not be arguing in front of your children. They take everything that is said to heart. I wouldn't say anything to your husband right now. Let him be the one to come to you. Stop taking responsibility for his words and his actions. If he does come to talk to you to tell you he is sorry, this is when you both need to have a heart to heart. Find out why is always throws this in your face. Tell him how much it hurts you when he says it. Tell him that if he doesn't want to leave, then he shouldn't threaten to leave each time you argue. He may decide he does want to leave for good, so be prepared for the worse. He has you and your children on an emotional roller coaster when he threatens you like this. It's not fair to any of you!!
2006-09-27 05:25:40 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying to mend things. Call him on it. But be prepared he may just take you up on it.
I was always the one to threaten. He dared me to leave and call the divorce lawyer. That was 7 years ago. Haven't seen him since. It was actually the best thing I ever did. It just took him to say " I dare you."
I didn't have kids yet so it was a little bit different. I was 7 months pregnant though. When you fight is it just words or actual fighting? I can't see being petrified of just yelling. But that's just me I went through a ton of crap in my marriage. I got the battle scars to prove it.
2006-09-27 02:50:47 · answer #4 · answered by danadeville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you fight about; big issues or just little stuff? Usually the argument is about something deeper. Try talking to him when you're both calmed down. When things start to escalate; call a time out. Learning how to resolved arguments without throwing down the D word all the time is a process of trial and error. If you both really love each other and want to stay together; learn how to settle things without the drama.
2006-09-27 03:42:43 · answer #5 · answered by sweetandstraightup 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that there are children involved. I have been in a marriage similar to yours for 8 years, but we have no children together. I remember the first time he packed and was going to leave. I was crushed.
Now I pray he will just go. He has put me through so much emotional abuse (not even to mention the physical abuse because bruises & such heal) that I really don't even like myself anymore.
Don't end up like me. Let the bastard go. You will be okay, and your kids will too.
2006-09-27 03:07:59 · answer #6 · answered by Doll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who threaten are really looking for attention. If he were really planning to leave he would have done it by now. Seems to me you love him more than he loves you. I think he may just be looking for an excuse to go away. This way he will feel better about himself by putting all the blame on you. If your dignity is intact still, tell him to go or stop saying that.
2006-09-27 03:23:31 · answer #7 · answered by Jayme C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a knee jerk reaction on both parts. You might not see the pressures you are putting on him and he doesn't see the underlining pressures he puts on you. Maybe you could let the situtation cool down and let when you can talk not blame or inflame the sitituation. I would suggest getting into a couples therapy to work on talking to one another again. Remember it harder to talk to someone that is on the defensive. Good luck
2006-09-27 02:43:52 · answer #8 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing! I dont know if you realize it or not...but you basically answered your own question in the title.. "tired of threats". You just need a little backbone to carry it out.
Stick to your guns! He's constant pouting and "well I'm leaving" basically translate to "if i dont get my way..then I'm not playing anymore".
Call his bluff and let him know you arent "playing anymore either". Do you seriously want to spend the rest of your life with someone constantly throwing threats in your face........and your children faces???
Men are like children.........they only do what you let them get away with! He WILL be back!
2006-09-27 03:18:08 · answer #9 · answered by texasmiss2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea..call him on it. Let him go..don't beg him back. If he truely loves you he'll have a toss and turn kind of night and be back to you before you know it. Then the next time you argue (which you will0..he will be less likely to say he's leaving again. Good Luck girl!
2006-09-27 02:32:15 · answer #10 · answered by justwonderingwhatever 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋