shifting from being intraverted to exroverted?

Question

Pardon me english is not my mother laguage....
I'm an intraverted person and i want to make the move toward outside world...i know a bit about social communiation and stuff like makin complements and deal with strangers and Being tachtful with others....Ofcourse with out disturbin the*** Comfort Zone*** I have created through years to my self away from people even my family....
I have trouble in makin conversations. I'm easily affected to the outside effections, this is the reason of my withdrawin since my teenhood til today. I'm afraid to be hurt or destroy the relation between me any my self.

Answer 1

Cecili,

Basically, as an introvert, you want to learn how to be able to interact comfortably with people. (I'm also an introvert, with a lot of shyness towards strangers I meet in real life.)

Realistically, first, accept who you are -- someone who wants relationships with other people but who is probably soft-spoken, who likes to listen to what others are saying before responding, who doesn't want to hurt other people's feelings.

Don't expect yourself to suddenly become the person in the spotlight at the party, or judge yourself for not being able to talk to anyone at any time. Some people have that gift; you have other gifts to contribute. Part of the fear comes because you are judging yourself negatively and think that others are also judging you negatively.

It sounds like you had some bad experiences when younger that left you afraid to interact and not sure what was okay to say. Maybe you were just very sensitive to the negative emotions; maybe others were unfair; or maybe both.

But it sounds like you are an adult now and no longer a kid. Some of the things that helped me:

1. Most people are not judging you. The "mistakes" you think you are making in conversation are not seen as mistakes by other; they might be confused when you withdraw, because they didn't know something was wrong.

Sometimes in conversation people interrupt, or change the topic, or do something else that might make you feel like they are not interested or are thinking negatively of you; most of the time, it has been a coincidence, just part of how conversation works.So you can't trust your feelings all the time.


2. Don't expect too much of yourself. Like I said earlier, don't feel like you have to be the center of the conversation and hold everyone's interest. you are probably much better at listening to someone else and asking questions. Asking questions is a GREAT way to carry on a conversation when you are not sure what to say yourself; people like being asked things about what they have said.

3. Make friends with extraverted people, and "go along with them" when they converse. They can carry on a conversation with someone else, and you can contribute when you are comfortable or have something to say.

4. Get a close friend to listen to you when you are conversing, and ask their advice afterwards. They can tell you whether you really made a mistake, or whether everything is fine and your "internal alarm system" is going off when there was no danger.

5. You are grown-up now and no longer have to be ruled by your fear. I know you probably want people to like you and are very upset when someone seems angry or upset with you, but you no longer have to let that rule your life. You are going to be okay.

With most people you will meet, in the long run, it doesn't matter whether they like you or not. And most people (the people that matter) WILL like you, even if they get upset with you on occasion. And the few people that choose not to like you normally would not have liked you, no matter how perfect or nice you were to them.

Do not let those negative people ruin your life.


It will take a little time to work through it, and some continual practice in talking to people.

Remember: Use your strength (i.e., listening!), ask questions about what others have said (letting them do the talking), and ask your friends if you actually did make mistakes or if everything is actually okay (if you are not sure).

Take care.

Answer 2

Nope. It is not possible to ever switch. Which makes me happy because I dont want to be extraverted. Your English isnt too bad, by the way. Its better many some native speakers I've met

Dont try- you will not be happy. I know how miserable I am when my parents force me to fake extraversion. Social talents may not be your thing. Personally, I see nothing wrong with that and think it horrendous some people do.

If you want to be more social, be social, just make sure you have time to yourself and that you dont go over limit. I know when I am in a loud crowd, I get incredibly irate. Trying to change this basic nature of your personality will ruin your relationship with yourself. Dont do it.

Also, I have the same issues with making complements and small talk and tact. So I just dont bother. Sure, it turns people away, but those who stick around and get to know me well enough to get me out of my shell love me. How does this turn away family? You said English is not your mother language, so do live in a society where it is very unacceptable to be introverted?

You can always try eavesdropping until something of interest comes and then jump in to the conversation. Though you will want to be careful about this, as from my experience, many interrupting conversations, even at social events, is rude. Or maybe they just dont like me. I dunno. It is possible to learn to relate better with others and appear extraverted in social settings, but you never will an extravert. Not if you are a true intravert. Dont confuse introversion with being shy, that is a common mistake.

Bottom line- dont try to change what you cant.

Answer 3

Hi Cecili. Being an extrovert also depends on your personality. Since you really want to change, i would advise you to improve on your communication skills first. Start reading anything you can get your hands on! Newspapers, magazines, brochures... all these will introduce you to new concepts and words, so keep a dictionary handy too! Next of-course, watch a lot of movies!

Then, make sure you meet a lot of new people and make casual conversations. Join dancing classes or take up a hobby classes where you meet and interact with other people.

Finally, self confidence!

Good luck :)

Answer 4

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They could be either or both. Hypersexual extroverts are more the norm for the kids I work with. I wouldn't say it's unusual for kids that have been sexually abused. P.S. The abuse doesn't necessarily have to be present tense. A child with past abuse trauma can continue these behaviors as well. Once the switch is turned on, you can't switch it back off. Yeah like Schmecky said, eating disorders, self mutilation, etc. Are also very common. Victims of sexual abuse feel like they have lost all control so they will try to over control the things that they can. Also enuresis and encopresis are very common for two reasons. One abuse victims will psychologically turn off all feelings down there so that they don't feel the abuse. This in turn makes them not aware of their body signals telling them when they need to go to the bathroom. Also sometimes they will purposefully soil themselves in hopes to keep the the perps away.

Answer 5

Hello, do not make a critical evaluation that extroverted people are fun and introverted people take life too seriously. The reality is that most of the time very extroverted people are afraid to look inside. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living" and this is definitely true. Be proud of being a sensitive person in the world. Is it true that introverted people are such because they have been effected by pain? I think it is. Certainly it was for me and the family background that I came out of; however there is growth that comes from pain. Humans have two forces in their life: pleasure and pain and it is the painful experiences that make us empathic to the suffering of others. Your question about whether or not introverts can become extroverted is a relevant one. I have done so from teaching. It pulled me out of my insular behavior and made me so that I could relate to people more effectively not just as a teacher but in other areas as well. I am very grateful for that ability to extend beyond my personal domain however I still love time being in my own company, reading literature, writing it or attempting to write it, walking alone along a canal and enjoying the breeze against my face, hearing my own wierd ideas,and knowing myself as my best friend. I remember an interview of a famous American actress, Patty Duke, who played Helen Keller long ago in the movie, The Miracle Worker. In the interview she said that she was so scared of being alone that she hungered for the company of others continually. I don't think that is healthy. Again, be proud of yourself for being a sensitive person. Now do tasks that will help you to get out of your comfort zone such as joining a debate club. Best wishes. [e-mail]

Answer 6

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RE:
shifting from being intraverted to exroverted?
Pardon me english is not my mother laguage.... I'm an intraverted person and i want to make the move toward outside world...i know a bit about social communiation and stuff like makin complements and deal with strangers and Being tachtful with others....Ofcourse with out disturbin the*** Comfort...

Answer 7

Intraverted

Answer 8

You can't change yourself. Don't waste your time. You'll never be comfortable as an extrovert. Learn to live life with who you are.

Answer 9

Sometimes ya just gotta stick yer neck out! Don't be afraid!