I have been married for 8 years and lately I have not been the least bit interested in my husband. When I go out I don't want to go back home. I feel like a trapped bird in a cage. When I do go out he calls me every hour wanting to know when Im coming home. I feel like he is jealous. He makes me feel like I am doing something wrong by going out with my friends and not being with him. He has gained alot of weight and I have addressed it with him but he gets really offensive. Lately I just want to leave but we have children and I am unsure what I should do. I do care about him but I think the passion is gone.
2006-09-27 01:21:58 · 16 answers · asked by Annie M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why don't you talk to him and let him know how you feel. If he does not want to do anything about him move on... I understand you have children with him but your happiness will affect your kids in a positive way.
2006-09-27 01:24:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he may be suffering from depression. Has he recently lost his job or is he being bullied/unhappy at work? He is calling you every time and making you feel guilty for having a life because he feels that his is passing him by. He also probably comfort eats or has stopped exercising which is a vicious circle - you eat to make yourself feel happy, but then you're miserable because you've put on weight.
Apart from having a good heart to heart when the kids are at school/with grandma to find out what is troubling him and/or encouraging him to visit your GP for advice or medication, what did you do when you were just a couple without kids? Where did you go? What did you enjoy? What was it about him that made you want to marry him in the first place? Perhaps re-enacting some of these times together will make the spark come back.
Perhaps you could arrange an evening in or out with some old mutual friends and then actively encourage the men to do something together the following weekend without the women in the hope that that will become a regular thing and you can then have your nights out a bit less guiltily.
You could arrange to do something simple with the kids together like swimming, walking in local woods, fishing with nets and a picnic. This will bring back some fun to your relationship and blow some of the cobwebs away.
You could casually drop into the conversation about some good courses at the local college that sound really interesting and leave the local paper open at the appropriate page. If he's unhappy at work, or even out of work, this could well be the main reason that he feels so low. A change here could make all the difference to your relationship.
2006-09-27 08:37:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of people go through this, marriages will have their hills and valleys. The trick is to get through the valley and back to the hill, that is the hard work of marriage. The first thing I would do is sit down and try to remember why it is you got married in the first place, what attracted you to him. Then perhaps you need to come up with some activity that you think you might both enjoy and go do it. Does not have to be a big activity could be a home project, anything you could do together, maybe something the kids could be involved in. Depending on how old the kids are you might even consider something like tennis.
This will not be easy, but you have to start someplace. I would guess that if you talked to every couple that has been married any length of time they could describe a time very much like you are having now. Most of them would even remember a stretch of time when they did not particularly like their mate, but like I said, it will pass.
Marriage is hard work sometimes, so far mine has lasted 12 1/2 years. Between him being deployed to Kosovo right after our last child was born and the normal rigors of marriage I have an idea of how you feel. Glad I stuck it out and we worked through it, I am married to my best friend and can not imagine life without him.
Good Luck!
2006-09-27 08:34:13 · answer #3 · answered by reevesfarm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a late 7 year itch. My husband and I have been married for 9 years. Your marriage is how you choose it to be. I don't believe in divorce unless there is abuse, etc. Be open with your husband and tell him what you are feeling. Counseling is always a good thing. It could be something bothering you that has nothing to do with him. It is a good thing to go out with your friends. My husband and I keep it to one night each a month with friends. We have children also so our responsibility is with them not going out. Also, women tend to blame not having passion in their marriage on the husband. What have you done lately that sparked some passion? Start doing things for him and most likely he will return the favor. You can't change a person, but you can change and you married him eight years ago because you loved him, find that love again-best of luck to you!
2006-09-27 08:33:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he left you for putting on a few pounds and being a little insecure we would all be railing him on here. If you seem completly uninterested in him than maybe that explains him calling all the time when you are out with your friends perhaps he's scared there is or could be someone else of course he gets offended when you bring up his weight if the shoe were on the other foot and he nicely looked at you and said honey I love you but recently you have put on a few pounds you would be irrate. Men suck I am the first to say it but in this situation his feelings are justified.
2006-09-27 08:35:02 · answer #5 · answered by Katlynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have children, you really should try to work this out. You should sit your husband down and tell him that you want him to loose weight and also go to a marriage counselor. You could try going to couples weekend retreats, group counseling, and also go out on dates with your husband, instead of going out with your friends. Be sure to lay it all out on the table with your husband and let him know exactly how you feel. That gives you both a starting point to move forward and try to repair what is wrong. You loved him once and you can love him and be attracted to him again if he will cooperate. It sounds like he is very insecure and he probably already knows you are or have fell out of love with him. Good luck.
2006-09-27 08:30:55 · answer #6 · answered by RKC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every marriage goes through it's ups and downs. I think you could work through this. Try getting him to the gym with you or go on walks together. Help him to lose weight just like you'd want him to help you. You can do that without telling him. Just make it seem like together time or that you're just trying out a new (healthier) recipe. He probably feels insecure and is calling you because of that. Good luck!
2006-09-27 08:30:02 · answer #7 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to sit down and talk honestly with each other. It's okay to have some me time but you also need to have some "us" time.
Find out why he is gaining weight - does he have a medical condition that needs attention. Does he feel like he is loved and appreciated. You can bring the passion back to your marriage - have date nights. Do the things you did when you were dating - spend time with each other and fall in love all over again. Best wishes.
2006-09-27 08:26:10 · answer #8 · answered by Hebrews 11 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How you let him become like a fat pork in first place.
You didn't care about him at all, right now he is heavy, lazy and not even attractive. How you can stay with somebody like that if you help him to be so.
Take him to the Gym for get in shape and put on diet, do something to share and enjoy to do together. Is easy to live and close doors - just not to face the reality, But to change for better is hard work.
2006-09-27 08:33:59 · answer #9 · answered by Toto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay together for the kids... I know the jealously thing sucks, but if you think about it, if he wasn't at least a little bit jealous, he wouldn't care at all. Sounds like he has a confidence issue. If you improve your sex life, his confidence will come around a bit and so will your relationship. Concentrate on doing things for each other and each others confidence. If he continues to be overbearing and jealous, you'll have to have a heart to heart.
2006-09-27 08:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by SkiHard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋