It's a case of 'the boy who cried wolf'. I don't believe him when he tells me he doesn't like someone because he has done this over and over and then i found out he lied, made a fool out of me. All i want is the truth. I keep saying he has an addiction to women...looks wise, he says he doesn't, but we can never go out, holidays, shopping, anywhere without him constantly looking at women. I know everyone does it, I do it, but he is extreem. We went to councelling but he lied his way out of it. What do I do? I believe he likes someone, he says he doesn't. As i say he has done this so many times then years later i find out he does like them. I have tried telling him all i want is the truth, but i never get it. I do live him but my life is constantly revolving around this. Please would you give me some proper advice?
2006-09-27 00:16:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been married 21 years
2006-09-27 00:19:52 · update #1
21 years of marriage and its now just gotten to a point where ur ready to explode? i find it hard to believe this is a fairly new habit of his.. and he's not "addicted" to looking at women, he doesnt respect u.. and thats whats going on.. Yes all people look, but theres a difference between glancing at someone and thinking their good looking, and staring them up and down to a point that ur practically undressing them with ur eyes.. especially when ur with ur spouse or significant other thats just plain rude and disrespectful.. So what do u do to cure this???? well begging and pleading and showing obvious signs of jealousy isnt going to help because well that just empowers him.. so u need to think of a way to get the power back in your court.. and fighting isnt helping the situation, only getting u upset.. and driving him up a wall.. so thats not working.. so its time to sit down and think with ur brain what will get his attention to make him wake up and smell the coffee.. .. i know as a woman i feel i am at my best when im feeling confident in myself.. the way i look , the way i dress ect.. so i suggest going and buying some sexy panties and bra's (because lets face it even if no one is seeing them but us, we still feel sexier wearing them) i say go get ur hair done, go get ur nails done.. go buy a couple new outfits.. do what it takes to feel good about urself.. go have lunch with a gf.. go shopping, and dont answer to him for it just do it.. stop being this "dutiful" wife that does everything for him , make him fend for himself.. when he asks whats going on .. let him know when he wants to start treating u like a wife again (Someone that is suppose to be put on a pedestarl and treated with respect) then you'll start actting like a wife again.. and if nothing else.. u feel better about urself and u will be able to handle him looking at other women when ur getting looks from other guys, cause confidence is contagious and men love confident women..
2006-09-27 00:38:33 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You've been married for over 21 years so please don't let this ruin your relationship. My advice is to not give energy to his "addiction". True, married individuals will still look at the women and men from time to time, but if your husband goes to the extreme, then you should mention it to him at the exact moment. Don't get enraged or upset; just acknowledge the fact that the woman probably wouldn't appreciate being stared at as he's doing... sometimes it helps to say (not shout) it loud enough for the woman to hear
2006-09-27 00:36:17 · answer #2 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont mean this to sound horrible so dont take it the wrong way.
He is prob saying that he doesnt look at women to keep you happy because you seem quite obsessive about it hun, does it matter if he looks at other ppl? he cant go around everywhere with his eyes shut and not like the look of someone else ever? thats unreasonable of you. and if he comes home to you every night and has married you then doesnt that tell you something? (that you are gorgeous to him) more than any other women he has met etc etc!?
i think you need to stop thinking about it? because by the sounds of it you are driving a wedge between u and hubby for no reason at all he isnt doing anything wrong??! there is nothing wrong with liking someone - irrespective of whether they are the opposite sex or not?
hope this isnt harsh what ive said but its true, i think you have the problem not him? xx sorry
2006-09-27 00:22:46 · answer #3 · answered by princesssp8 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
im tryin to think of a nicer word that idiot but thats all i can think of...so...your an idiot. so what if the dude looks at other chicks big deal, you never mentioned that he cheats on you. im married and i look at other women all the time so does the pope. its part of being a guy. hell, my wife point hot chicks out to me, and i say yep shes hot. are you really that insecure after 21 years. you have jealousy issues you need counselling, not him. Id probably lie to you to. its gotta be the only way he can get you to shut up are you sure youve been married 21 yrs cuz you sound like your only 15
2006-09-27 00:38:21 · answer #4 · answered by chip 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow you sound like a clone of me but 16 years only. My hubby loves women . Use to catch him regularly .I told him if he was put on an Island with nothing but guys he would dig up a woman somewhere. well things have changed some because he knows now that I'm about worrying about me & how I live my life. I pray to God if he & I aren't not meant to be take him away out of my life. Instead God has gave me strength I didn't know I had.The more you try to figure your man out the more you will be crazy.Do I trust my hubby? I trust in him the way God trust in me . I can't say it is always easy but it gets better. find yourself cause your guy will get what he has coming if he is doing wrong.
2006-09-27 00:34:19 · answer #5 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he's not going to stop and the reason is your putting up with it,you may nag him and have a go but he doesnt care,nothing is going to make him change this behaviour as he sees nothing wrong with what hes doing,so you have been married 21 years does that mean your incapable of making a life on your own without a man in tow.Get a grip you put up and shut up or move on to someone who has some respect for you.
2006-09-27 02:54:12 · answer #6 · answered by candyfloss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
easy, to end all of your heartache and wondering, headaches and stress, move on. LEAVE HIM. I know you love him because you have stayed with him. but lets face it, he is taking the piss outta you now, why dont you deserve someone who dont look at those other women on the street. I know that when someones man looks at me, i think, "poor girlfriend", is that what you want people to think of you when you walk the streets with him. He is an embarresment to you, a weak link. Get rid of him, i am SHORE you can get someone and do better. There is a BIG BIG world out there, you obviously aint happy with the way he is responding to you, he even LIED his way through councelling. Come on, you deserve better, why dont you want someone who takes you seriously. Maybe you do, maybe you do want to leave him but find it difficult cause you love him, well for happiness, love just aint enough. And i know its not. YOU HAVE TO HAVE RESPECT AND TRSUT he has neither for you. He might love you, probably does, but his love is NOT good enough for you, otherwise you wouldnt be posting this question on yahoo!, come on use some woman power, LEAVE HIM.
It may have been 21 years, but thats the thing, 21 years has passed and now you aint IN love anymore. just move on, it will be healthier and happier for you in the long run.
gudluck. **) **) **)
2006-09-27 00:22:02 · answer #7 · answered by london lady 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would hope that, since you are a woman, you would be glad he likes women.
But the fact that he likes another specific woman adds another dimension. How much does he like her? How does he show it? Maybe he's embarased to admit it, because you're so great that he can't admit to himself that he likes someone else? Or maybe he's just afraid that if he told you he likes her even a little, he'd loose what great marriage he has with you.
Maybe next time you try councelling, you should take the other woman, so he won't be able to lie.
2006-09-27 00:31:37 · answer #8 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he is just looking, what is the big deal? Men are visual creatures and love to look at women. The only thing he is doing wrong is doing it to the extreme when you are around. You can't control that man, what he does and how he thinks. You will and are destroying your marriage.
2006-09-27 00:22:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its ok to look,but not touch.Don't give up on 21 years of marriage just because he looks at other women,you are eating yourself up inside because of this,surely that cannot be good for your marriage either?For the sake of your sanity,your marriage and your husbands peace of mind seek counseling.
2006-09-27 00:54:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋