My wife of 3 yrs. has confesed that she had sex couple of times with one of her colleague in office and he used to give her gifts which she used to say, she got it from her students etc..once he gave some money also ..
we are well settled and had no problems monetarily or physically..i used to love her very much and she also used to love me..In sex also i used to give her orgasms before me...i never felt of her affair untill she told me..we had a love marriage and were dreaming of our future..but this confession came to me as a thunder..i couldn't believe that my wife can do this..she is so loving, good, and family oriented...she said, she couldn't hide it anymore after seeing my love and affection towards her...she is very guilty and repenting for what she's done and fear for the future..As for me, I am feeling terribly cheated and also feeling that how my wife and our friend had cheated me. I used to booze with my friend and used to tell him how much i love my wife.PLS ADVICE.
2006-09-26 21:42:23 · 31 answers · asked by just_joined_what 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
take your pick yourself and tell her later on.....
2006-09-26 21:44:25 · answer #1 · answered by s g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky. The obvious answer would be she deserves to know... It's not about ur guilt it's about her trust and her right to make an informed decision and not be conned. There's also a reason why you did what you did - someone 100% happy wouldn't do that, and that side needs to be addressed. The other reason to tell would be its far better for her to hear the truth from you, not from a third party as that's far more hurtful. That said, her whole world would be turned upside down for a stupid mistake. And the kids'. If you're 100% confident that you won't do it again and she won't find out then I don't think I would tell her. I know that sounds bad but what purpose would it serve? You need to stop drinking coz you lose control, don't get drunk. Spend more time with ur family, fix what made u unhappy enough to cheat in the first place and use this as a lesson in life that opened ur eyes.
2016-03-27 12:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Upon reading the responses of the others, I really believe Old Guy gave you some very good advice. As long as he is correct in assuming that your "friend" manipulated your wife into doing it. Which may very well have happened. Whether he did or not, your wife is still an adult and in charge of her own actions and she could have stopped him and told him "no" at anytime she realized that she was doing something wrong and in a bad situation (from experience.. I've been in a similar although not same situation before). If the friend really was the instigator and the manipulator then you can kick him out of your life right away, if you want - forgive him for his actions realizing he might not be as mature an individual as you are - yet forgiving a person doesn't mean you have to forget or consent to continuing the friendship in the future. Then you can discuss with your wife, find out why she did it for as long as she did and why she eventually stopped and what she wishes for the future.. and then you can decide from there..
However, that is going from the perspective of the friend - or man always being the instigator and manipulator and the wife or woman being the sweet, innocent "weaker minded" sex who was victimized. I am sure sometimes this is the case, but not necessarily always.
How long have you and your friend been friends? How long have you known/ been with your wife? How close are you to each one?
Maybe your wife (as good as you sound in bed and as sweet as you sound in your love for her).. maybe just maybe.. there is something she needs that isn't being fulfilled by you (not necessarily in the sex or love department)... maybe she has a need for a type of conversation that the two of you don't normally share.. or maybe he has had more adventures than you and has more crazy stories to tell.. maybe he is more flirtatious.. I don't know.. since I don't know any of you personally, but it is also possible that she either resented the friend attention that you and he give each other and she wanted to get closer to find out more of what that was about. Maybe she found herself attracted to him for reasons that were friendly enough in the beginning, but gradually became stronger as they spent time together and eventually ended up in a sexual relationship that she probably enjoyed until she realized that she really loves you and woke up and understood how much what she was doing would hurt you.
Maybe that was the case for both of them.
Either way.. I suppose it depends on how much you will be able to regain trust with either of them after you have learned about this episode. Trust is a hard thing to get back once it has been lost.
So, it's time you do some thinking about your relationship with both of them, on their own.
You don't have to accept either one back into your life and your circle but should you decide you might be willing to, I'd suggest that you have some real heart to heart discussions getting as many unanswered questions answered as you can. Find out why.... it might have been, but I doubt it was anything they did to spite you.. I don't think either probably meant to harm you.. although that is the ultimate result.
If you do decide to give either relationship another shot, make sure it becomes an honest exchange of ideas so that everyone's needs can be met (including your own).
In any case.. they were both being extremely selfish and should recognize that and if they were true friends they would not have put their needs above yours in this situation.. If you can forgive either of them and learn to trust them again, they must be forthcoming with the fact that they will NEVER spend time together again without you there.. and that they will NEVER do this again.. and that they will never so selfishly hurt you in this way again..
2006-09-27 04:19:51 · answer #3 · answered by River 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you are devastated at this point. Myself, I would be all finished. This is something I could never, ever forgive or forget. Marriage vows are to be taken seriously. She did it one time and low & behold she did it again (& who knows how many more times). I'd break it off with this so called aquaintance also. He sounds like a skank. He gave her money and she accepted? That is unforgiveable!! Not only did she cheat sexually, she lied to you by telling you she got the presents from her students. They took a chance and did it in an office. How sick. How can she be loving, good, and family oriented if she'd do this in a school office? I'd certainly seperate at this point! You deserve something better than this. Good luck to YOU.
2006-09-26 22:22:41 · answer #4 · answered by HolidayGurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 23 yrs. when I found out she was having an affair. My suspicions were correct that it made it that much easier for the seperation before getting divorced. It is very very rare that "Trust" can be rebult as well as "Honesty". Best of luck to you. Don't stay married for the sake of the children (if any)though. If it were me, I'd say f u c k it and take it like a man. I know it hurts, it's gonna hurt for awhile. Can't go back in time. Just try to turn every negative into a positive (easier said than done).
2006-09-26 21:50:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you want from her?what she could ever give you,I think was mostly,her honesty,then sex or any other things.If I were you,I would punish the friend,forgive the wife,and leave the scene
for her to think about what she had done.
I think even if she promises you not to do that again,its better for you to leave her, because the practice gradually has ceased to be indecent to her.
Aways remember that a prostitute who earns money for a living
in this way is not a whore, but a married woman who has sex with
somebody else,even if she won't earn money for her body is a whore!!!!!!! So leave her.
2006-09-26 22:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by hamid hamidi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right now you are angry and hurt and understandably so.
have you two sat down and talked this out without getting
angry? maybe it would be a good thing to get an objective person such as a marriage counselor to help both of you deal with this.you have to give her credit for having the guts to come tell you herself wothout you finding out from someone else. i wouldn't throw the towel in yet get into counseling or go see you your minister/priest. good luck!! as for your friend he is not a friend!!!
2006-09-26 22:27:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look love does'nt get that,good tell her to get her things and move
in with him, But if you keep her she will only hurt you again, You
can get love anywhere,If she had loved you she would not have
put you through all that, And your friend well u know, Your a grown man so just ask yourself, Do I waste another year on her?
another month of my life? how another Day. There's women
out there that are truely faithfull, you cannot go wrong. well good luck to you.God gave u a good mind!
2006-09-26 21:54:07 · answer #8 · answered by MISSIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever your wife and friend has done is not good. I would suggest you to break freindship with your friend. as regard to your wife as such she has confessed her sin, you may forgive her. married life is very delicate relationship, it can be long lasting with only love. No doubt it is very terribly for you. Just give her a change by forgiving her. God bless you and your wife with real happy life.
2006-09-26 21:56:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
i dont know who u are but a small advice.i am a girl so i know vat ur wife must be goin thro.dont trouble her nor yourself.sit n speak to her calmly,make her undstd hw u love her ,take a promise of her.as it is rightly said" forgiving a crime is the biggest challenge and the geatest punishment". take up the challenge,and try to lead a normal life.
take care
by a frnd
2006-09-26 21:51:37 · answer #10 · answered by steffi 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend getting rid of both of them
1. your wife lied to you more than once about the gifts and the cheating
2. your friend knew how you felt towards your wife and still did what he did and he too lied
there is no way you can trust either one, they smiled in your face and then ended up stabbing you in your back.
2006-09-26 21:48:09 · answer #11 · answered by crazeebitch2005 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋