I met what you'd describe as quite a 'pushy' person whilst I was temping about 2 years ago. We both still temp, but never in the same workplace (apart from when I met her 2 years ago).
We keep in touch by email, texts and the odd ansaphone message (as we live far from each other). I've been out with her 3 times in 2 years, but it's very hard to meet up as we sometimes can't always agree on a date/time (as we may have other committments). She asked me to meet up next week to see a show, but I can't make it for then. The latest is she left a message on my mobile saying, "I really can't see why we can't meet up now and again instead of just doing these silly little emails, texts and messages".
She has a pushy personality and when I do meet up with her the whole conversation is about her and she interrupts when I talk. I really don't think there's anything wrong with communicating in this way (as mentioned above). What do you think?
2006-09-26 20:16:46 · 20 answers · asked by Say It Like You Mean It 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I've a 'friend' like that - she calls up and tells me we're getting together - last time she visited (to see my new house) she wittered on about how fabulously wealthy she is, and how much bigger her house is, and how many cars she has and the like.
I would be inclined to reply by text or email along the lines of "yes, we must one of these days". That's non-committal, yet not hurtful. It is also, I suspect, truthful - after all, you'd probably not be keeping up the relationship at all (even by text and email) if there weren't something in common, or something you like about this person.
If that isn't the case, simply slowly distance yourself from the person - keep your replies short and polite, and don't encourage her.
Good luck!
2006-09-26 20:41:15 · answer #1 · answered by mattygroves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the fact that you have kept in touch at all shows that is some kind of connection or common interest there - if you really wanted to cut all ties, you just would have stopped replying to emails or at least been very short and curt in your replies and it wouldn't have gone on so long.
That said, as you've already told her that you genuinely cant make that date, I don't think there's any harm in reiterating that fact and in a totally non-committal way say that yes it would be nice to meet up now and again, but what a shame it's always so difficult what with the distance and other commitments.
If you want to keep the friendship going, maybe you should suggest the next 'meeting' and the date and venue, so its actually something you enjoy and want to do. That way at least you get a little more out of it?
If you're happy to just 'talk' to her, then I would just remain vague about exact timing of meeting up and keep her arms length.
2006-09-26 21:20:47 · answer #2 · answered by Pington 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though she's being over-the-top pushy and your response (whether conscious or subconscious) is to back away - finding it hard to meet up because you can't agree on a date/time, can't make the show etc. My suggestion is that you listen to your inner voice and tell her that you're happy to keep in touch by email, texts etc but you don't want any more than that. There's nothing wrong with it, you just have to be strong & tell her what you want from the 'friendship'. She doesn't sound much like a true friend to me either!
2006-09-26 20:36:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sincerely, I emphasize with you. I try and stay very far away from those type of people. With them a conversation is an on going dissertation by them.
I hate it!
If not by phone, use your email to convey this message. "I would like to go out with you but with one condition...we share the conversation". Give me equal time to talk and you show some concern as I do you.
If she can accept that (in a sincere way) then maybe the friendship will turn for the better. If not she will at least know where you stand.
2006-09-26 20:31:40 · answer #4 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's probably so pushy because she wants your approval, but apparently she didn't get the hint that this is a trait that you don't like. Tell her, in an email, that you are just too busy for to meet with her and then stop all communications after that.
2006-09-26 20:26:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
UGH...I Know How You Feel My cousin Is The Same Way Its Like Every Time She Calls Me Its to Talk About her Drama And What happin to He rAnd When I Try Saying some Thing Shes Like...OMG DID I TELL YOU....and im thinking in my head HELLO DID U NOT HEAR ME TALKING?? its anoying but its something we have to live with i mean i cant not be her cousin so its something im learning to deal with,,,,,she sounds just like your friends....
2006-09-26 20:23:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are comfortable with communicating in that way then just stick to your guns.
She's probably grateful to just have someone to talk at if she's as bad as you described.
Tell her you can't make it and ask her to send you a letter, that way she gets to pour her all onto the pages and you can read it at your own pace.
You can return the favour by pouring your all onto a page or two to get your own back!
2006-09-26 20:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by Lorraine R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no problem at all with the way you's keep in contact.....i had a friend that was pushy......after 7years i had enough so i pushed he out my life + i speak to her once in a blue moon (eg if i c her down the town, if she's on msn etc).....just explain to her you are really busy + caught up with things + its easier to keep in contact via email etc....if he moans about it or doesnt accept it then just let her go coz she isnt going to do anything for u later on in life apart from moan!...
good luck
x.niks.x
2006-09-26 23:10:21 · answer #8 · answered by lil niks 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you don't particularly like her in the first place and that actually she is keeping the contact with you and your trying to avoid her.
Do you really need the hassle?
Let the friendship die, don't respond to the texts and stuff or take the bull by the horns and have it out with her
2006-09-26 21:26:41 · answer #9 · answered by Space Fairy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound to be very uncomfortable.Just tell her that she is not the person you are intereted in.3 hrs in 2 yrs? My this is no base for a good friendship.
2006-09-26 20:21:26 · answer #10 · answered by uncoolmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋