ok..so my best friend is married. Its been over a year and she still cant have sex. Its physically (and maybe mentally) impossible for her. The doctors have diagnosed it as Vagimisma (im not sure if im spelling that right). I know this is very hard for her and her husband to deal with. They can still be intimate and show their affection in other ways obviously. But lately, shes been catching him looking at porn sites very frequently and this upsets her. Shes talked to him about it before...it makes her feel that she isnt enough for him...she has told him that he needs to come to her when he needs anything at all..and not resort to that. He told her he understood and promised to quit. I mean..anyone who loved u..would understand and be there for u through this prob..and also love u regardless..right? well he promised her, but he still does it...and then hides it from her. Ppl (men) tell me that if they were in his place..they would cheat on her. But hes not the victim. What do u think?
2006-09-26 20:00:12 · 13 answers · asked by Carly 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i agree if he really loved her they'd find a way to make things work.. also sex isnt the reason a marriage should break down, he sounds like a cheater.
i wish her all the best but hope she will stand up fr herslef should the time come and be strong..;-)
2006-09-26 20:28:19 · answer #1 · answered by blithe_vow 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No she should not leave him. She should educate him on her condition. After being educated he should take an active role in her treatment for her condition. There are different causes for this condition, mainly mental anxiety. The road to recovery is a long one but with his educated help it could ease her pain. As for the porn, he is a man and at least he is not going outside to cheat with other women. In a way he too is a victim.
Many people don't take into account the emotional problems associated with vaginismus such as low self esteem, insecurities and often even depression, so it is very important that if women choose to seek the help of professionals, they should try to find someone who is very understanding and who has previous experience with vaginismus
2006-09-27 03:16:18 · answer #2 · answered by konala 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well porn technically isn't cheating, although it is f*cked up and can make you feel as though it is. I don't think he should go and mess around with other girls because that is really actually cheating. But porn, the guy will never actually be with those girls, probably never even see them up and close, you know? Its almost as tho they are not real. But I'm sorry for your friend and if your husband can't understand you...isn't there a problem?
2006-09-27 03:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he looks at porn. She isn't enough for him! Men cannot be with a woman they love and not be physically intimate with her. It's damn near impossible. And for a year! I hope they get into serious therapy. What a horrible situation for two people who love each other. I pity them both. And yes, he is the victim too.
2006-09-27 03:18:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, they shouldn't leave each other. Instead, her husband should educate himself about her condition and learn to work with her. It should be a team effort as this condition is difficult without the proper theraphy. Is she getting any kind of treatment for it? If not, she might want to consider getting the proper treatment and her husband should also be an active participant in it as well.
2006-09-27 03:25:50 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont agree with a guy looking at porn after marriage at all..but your gf needs to do whatever it takes to get over her phobias about sex.. it "WILL" destroy her marriage.. and i think he's doing it more out of pain then doing it for the sex part of it especially now that he knows it bothers her.. he may not realize thats why he's doing it, but i think he's so angry with the fact that he cant make love to his wife.. that he's starting to resent her, so he's looking at porn to make her feel the pain that he's feeling.. Heck at this point id go get me some heavy duty muscle relaxers from the doctor and make myself go through with it, before i end up losing the man that i love.. Marriage isnt about SEX but a healthy sex life is a major key to a healthy marriage.... so she needs to figure out away to cope with problems.. Although her problem is an unconcious muscle contraction causing her to tense to where it feels like her husband is hitting a brick wall, and causes pain she needs to find away to relax.. till her body gets use to it..
2006-09-27 04:03:22 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
looking at porn is not cheating. maybe she could look at some with him. unless he likes the real nasty stuff he doesnt want her to know about. also-this is why we try it out before we buy it. i dont know any guy who would marry a woman if he knew she couldnt have sex. if its just a medical procedure to fix the problem giter done.
2006-09-27 03:11:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend needs to drink a few beers.
or some good wine.
keeping her husband out of her vagina, I do not care why, is not the way to go.
if she hasn't got one, why did she marry? a pet would suffice.
2006-09-27 03:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is like most guys, she could screw him until his dick turned into a scab and he would still look at porn. It has nothing to do with her.
2006-09-27 03:07:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did she have this when they got married? if hubby is looking at porn now whats next?
2006-09-27 03:05:20 · answer #10 · answered by Kathy 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋