My husband of 5 yrs cheated on me while I was pregnant with our child. I forgave him because I wanted us to be a family. He has been emotionally and even physically abusive at times. I just found out that he didn't end the affair when he said he did - although all this happened 3 yrs ago, I feel hurt all over again. The trust and respect is gone. I'm torn and don't know what to do. Being a single parent sounds scary to me. My son loves my husband dearly and I want him to be happy....I'm afraid that if I stay I will never love him the same again.
2006-09-26 19:36:56 · 26 answers · asked by caramelqueen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
GET OUT NOW!!!!
go to your parents house, or a shelter, you'll only be teaching your son that this kind of relationship is normal, or your husband might start to abuse your son...
Get out now!!!
2006-09-26 19:40:52 · answer #1 · answered by rimples25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you r going thru. My ex and I were married for 5 years and I found out he had cheated on me before our son was born with one girl and then he cheated on me when our son was 3 months old with another girl. I stayed with him for a year after i found all this out and tried to deal with it because I loved him with everything in me but every time I looked at him all I could see is what he had done. So therefore to make it better for all 3 of us we split. No matter what anyone says it never goes away, its been 3 years since our divorce and already in another marriage and another child and not a day goes by I dont think about it. If you have doubts now you might as well just get it over with, because like I said it never goes away. Dont be scared, being a single mom is not that bad, its actually pretty great because you can spend more time with your child, and to me that is worth more than anything. I wish you the best with everything.
2006-09-26 19:55:15 · answer #2 · answered by iesha d 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say you need to leave.. He obviously can not be trusted--
you can not stay in a relationship for your son. You husband can still be a father if you and he are not together. If there is no trust in a relationship there is nothing. You deserve so much more than and physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Walk away while you still have a chance. It will not be easy but hold you head high and do what it best for you and your son. Good luck.
2006-09-26 20:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by chick29 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever makes you happy. Think of it this way the trust is gone forever, you're emotionally and physically scarred for life by this man, which means many bad memories. If you continue to have problems with him eventually your son will begin to notice which cannot be healthy for him. Plus you won't be the first single person on earth, if other single women survive so can you. And no you will never love your husband the same ever again, why would you or should you after what he did.
2006-09-26 19:44:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Caramelqueen,
I too was abused physically and mentally by my husband as soon as we were married. I left him 13 months after our wedding. We had been together 4 years prior to our marriage. My situation was different from yours but I would like to give you insite of what my sister is going through. I can't tell you to leave or stay, that is up to you. My sister stayed which I don't think I would have.
My sister was pregnant with her second child when she found out Christmas morning that her husband was cheating on her with a bartender at a strip club. She was 8 months preg at the time and couldn't deal with it. After her daughter was born, she tried to forget but couldn't. He made excuses why he would come home late etc. One night he came home late and when she questioned him he pulled a gun on her. She was able to call the police and luckly no one got hurt. She is still with him 10 years later. She says it is best for the children to stay and have their dad around. She is worried that if she filed for divorce, he might take the children with him.
They call each other names and degrade each other in front of the children who are now teenagers.
I personally would have left him long ago, but I respect her choice and just hope the children won't treat their spouces in the same manner and will not suffer later on the way my sister and I have. My sister and I were children of verbal and physical abusive parents. Please think of the long term effects on your child/or children.
I'm still suffering from my childhood memories living in an abusive household. There are many options out there.
I hope you will think about my sisters situation and make the choice that is right for you and your child/children.
Good Luck!
2006-09-26 20:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by Co Co Chanel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am convinced that a child would rather be FROM a broken home than LIVE IN one. I have lived in a family where my father was abusive and I wished to hell every day that my mother would leave. But she stayed because she thought that's what would be best for me and my brother. It wasn't best, it was appalling. She lost years of her life and I lost all respect for my father.
Being a single parent is possible, it can be done, it can even be a happy life. You Can Do It. Negotiate custody and make sure your son knows the divorce is NOT his fault and both his parents love him to death. That is the best way to go.
Good luck!
2006-09-26 20:04:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a dilemma here. I don't know what I'd do either. Umm...
You know, I think this problem is about you and your husband so just leave the child alone.
Most women keep their marriage because of their children but I don't think it's worth it. I mean, you will always remember what he did to you, right? I don't think your son will like to see you all depressed and sad all the time.
The best thing you can do is talk to your husband. Tell him the way you feel. If you think that you can keep the relationship regardless of the things he did to you, then keep it but don't do it for your son but for you. Good luck!
2006-09-26 19:43:48 · answer #7 · answered by meche 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No abusive relationship is worth staying in,it is better to be alone and have peace than to live with someone in terror.You don't want your son growing up thinking that is the way he should treat women. Trust me,it is not going to get any better the longer you remain with him,get out and get you and your son somewhere safe. Good luck!
2006-09-26 19:48:01 · answer #8 · answered by T.Mack 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he is abusive you need to leave , don't stay just because of the kid, he's not gonna stop cheating and the abuse only gets worse.[been there done that] it's not hard being a single mom. I have 4 kids,It's better to be happy and safe then to let your son think he can treat women that way. children learn what they live.
2006-09-26 19:47:05 · answer #9 · answered by smurfette_ftwayne 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time when a man hits on a woman chances are he will do it again. Especially if he no that you are scared of him.. Then if your son see daddy hitting mommy you don't know what mental damage that will do to him. He can grow up killing men theat beat on women or he will beat on his wife because daddy did it and mommy stayed. Then if he cheated on you and you forgave him then put that in the past because we are human and make mistakes. But the hitting is another thing.
2006-09-26 19:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by sweetlee725 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he will cheat again. a cheater will lie and lie again. do you have a stable job? are you able to support yourself and your child alone? staying with a cheating husband will hurt your child's upbringing, it will increase your son's chance of becoming abusive and cheat on his wife. You are leaving for yourself and your son. no matter how much your son loves his dad, he will grow up and realise that your husband does not repect you and the values of marriage. Leave while you can.
2006-09-26 19:45:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋