Why am I attracted to dangerous women?

Question

I asked this same question some time ago but the reason I'm asking it again is that I think I found the answer, or at least part of it.

My friend suggested that I might feel as though I could help them sort it out - like a misguided sort of care. I didn't say anything at first but after some consideration I realised he might be right. I think I have had those sort of feelings when dealing with these women - like I can see they've got emotional problems but I feel like I can help them.

The usual result, however, is that I end up being part of their problem and the very thing that motivated me - my sense of concern for them - constitutes the hold they have over me and becomes a tool of their manipulation.

I don't know why I engage in this behaviour. It's quite possible that I will no longer do so now I see it more clearly.

I would still be very interested to hear what you guys have to say as this has been a major issue in my life.

ty

Answer 1

u can't change people stop thinking your a hero your not they see u as a weak link they treat like crap use u up and spit u out.

Answer 2

For the excitement, if I was going with a good lad I'd probably have to have an affair or something. Also, they might seem like that to the outside world, but he's the most sweetest, caring man I've ever met... and would never do anything to hurt me. They're different in private. Mine is at least. Not that we really get any privacy anymore, since he's in prison until March.

Answer 3

First of all, dangerous in what way? Do they hit you? I know someone like you. He is an adrenalin junkie. A normal woman will never satisfy him because he gets too bored. Until you solve in yourself the reason why you need this ' buzz ' you will always go for dangerous women.

Answer 4

You probably don’t ask yourself what it is you’re afraid of on a regular basis, but psychologists have proven that it is your subconscious fears that are controlling most of your life. You attract what you think about consciously and subconsciously. Maybe what you love in your women is a quality of unexpectedness. A quirky way of looking at life that makes the world seem new and shiny; you like the contrasts and contradictions in the woman--outward delicacy concealing tremendous spiritual strength, outward decorum combined with inner wildness. Maybe it's the collector instinct--you like being able to see what less perceptive men had missed. My friend's ex-husband was a collector of strays, who always believed that the shy raggedy alley cats he took in would turn out to be valuable purebreds once he gentled them and bandaged the scars.

The "dangerous women" are challenging you, comforting you, encouraging you, bringing out qualities in yourself you'd never known were there. They manipulate you by complimenting you, nudging your stodginess with their playfulness, your idealism with their hard-headedness. Maybe life before and after they come into your life is comparable to going from dingy, black-and-white, depression-ridden Kansas to technicolor, wonder-filled Oz.

Answer 5

Caring people frequently seek out those who appear to need the most help. That is a wonderful thing to do but may not be the best sort of person for you to have a relationship with. It is particularly troublesome if you are using that relationship to help resolve your own issues. Two unhealthy people just mean twice the problems. You should work at getting yourself squared away before working on other peoples problems.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have a very wise friend. You should listen to that friend. His analysis of the situation sounds incredibly incisive. He should be a counselor! If you really want to help emotionally troubled women, become a psychiatrist or psychologist - then you can still do it, but you will be trained in what to do, and you will have been trained in how to not get too involved with them. Good luck!

Answer 7

This situation is giving you some kind of reward that makes you want to do it over and over again. in some way, you become superior to them, and this is what you constantly crave. You are a good man, and having badness around you accentuates your goodness. Go out and be selfish once in a while. Those women will survive without you.

Am I close?

Answer 8

you sort of sound like my bf rt. now since he also likes to be in control and if i contradict him, no he is right and i am wrong. my advice is to find someone who does not have so many issues in her life because then and only then will you be free of all this drama. i also think that you date women/girls with issues since at first it is okay and then you think you know the answer to every problem, being her hero coming to the rescue!give me a break!i think that this behavior over time might have turned into a habit or you cannot see clearly what others can-like me sometimes-or that you put yourself in those situations-like there is a pattern that has formed. sit down, and write down about all your relationships-anything and everything and see where things start to overlap in the 2nd relationship and so forth. i think that you are letting others walk all over you therefore you are sort of lost-do some soul searching!

Answer 9

All women are dangerous. Treat them all with the utmost caution. If you allow them to think you are in any way seeking a serious relationship they will take over your life. Keep it casual and make it absolutley clear from day one that you do not want any serious commitments. Learn to be more honest and even selfish and not be afraid to tell them that you do not want to get involved with their problems from the outset.

Answer 10

Hello Tuth,

I think it's because you feel comfort in knowing someone is relying on you for emotional support. Being a prop is the prop for you perhaps. Was your mother controlling? Was there aggression in your family unit? Have you got any baked beans in the pantry? hmmmmmmm if the latter is a yes it may be you are passive agressive.

I deny there is any truth in any of the above

Answer 11

Maybe you do feel like that you can somehow be the knight in shining armor to them by trying to solve all their problems. Some people just feel the need to save someone. You might just simply want someone who will need you, someone you can take care of.