please read this and let me know what you think.. please?
I am a teenage girl. I wrote this poem. I entered it into a few poerty contests... do u think i have a shot at being a semi - finalist? do u like it?? let me know! Thanks!
Time
Your picture is above my bed.
You are the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.
I can't help thinking about you.
Our friendship is no longer, which brings tears to my eyes.
For you are the only one that really ever had my heart.
I must close the door on yesterday, for it is time.
Time that may one day, come back to the future.
Good byes mean forever.
See you later means that one day, time will bring us together again.
I am no longer bitter, for what we had was good in it's time.
No matter how much time passes before our reunion, I will always be concerned about you.
No amount of time can change that.
I look forward to the day, that I can call you my friend.
So no matter what, see you later, forever.
2006-09-26 18:25:53 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
h*ll ya unless the judges are retarded
2006-09-26 18:27:43 · answer #1 · answered by outlandishb13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not much for poetry, but Its ok
kinda sounds like a letter though. doesn't flow together very good, but thats just my opinion. You could get to be a semi-finalist.
2006-09-27 01:33:39 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a good poem as a first attempt. I think you should keep your passion for poetry; however with this particular poem I don't think you have a shot at being a semi-finalist.
2006-09-27 01:33:16 · answer #3 · answered by danaluana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but it wasn't really a semi-finalist poem. I t just didn't have something that would get people to pay attention.
Really sorry, I'm just being honest.
2006-09-27 01:29:52 · answer #4 · answered by Jadie-Babie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You show potential...but this needs some work. Your poem should flow and remain connected, and focus on "showing" instead of "telling." It's a good start though. Good luck!
2006-09-27 01:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by S.G. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will sound better if you can make it rhymes. And the sentence are too long. Work on your vocab & grammar as well. Other wise it's ok! Keep up the good work!
2006-09-27 01:32:58 · answer #6 · answered by betty boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't have a form of poetry, a poem reads like music, and not like letter you have to have rim in it and should be made out of short sentences , which mean a lot.
I don't want to go more into the details, but if I have to be honest, which I think you want us to be no, I don't see it even in the near of poem.
2006-09-27 01:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by santa s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It didn't reach out and grab me. Sounded more like a letter. Sorry. Just being honest.
2006-09-27 01:27:08 · answer #8 · answered by The Nana of Nana's 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its pretty good, the flow was good but I thought the word 'concerned' kinda was out of flow
Not bad at all for 13
2006-09-27 01:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by Tia S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you calling this a poem?
hope your venting helped.
it is a very nice lamentation, though.
2006-09-27 01:30:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its time for teenage girls to stop trying to be "deep"
2006-09-27 01:28:59 · answer #11 · answered by Sandra K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋