If you have an ex who hates you and wants to take your child by court proceedings and your teenager says yes?

Question

Have a 15 yr old. Found a "surprise" in their room. Have an ex who is willing to use it against me to the fullest extent he can. Teenager doesn't know I know. I haven't told the ex. Teenager and myself aren't talking because of other parental issues besides this teenager chose to live with other parent probably because teenager is a good manipulator amoung other things. How can I get teenager help yet without ex knowing? Should I tell ex when we are at court so teenager is "forcibly" tested and we all get it done? Will I be at fault because teenager was in my parental control when it was found? Should I just not say anything and teenager will know because room was cleaned. Shall I wait until it is continued and something else worse happens? Will I be considered unfit? I NEVER knew about it. I got rid of it IMMEDIATELY. Only teenager and I will know shall I make teenager think my ex knows? It won't stop this teenager because the signs were there but teenager was very sneaky. PLze Help

Answer 1

Perhaps it's true you found contraband in the teen's room.
However, going to court and then making that known will basically make you look like an ineffective parent right there.

This teen needs intervention/treatment one way or another. I suggest you sit down with said teen and have a frank discussion about how you're going to approach this. Hopefully with proper guidance and dialogue this teen will see that it doesn't pay to do whatever he's been doing. Life is too short to proceed in messing up one's background. Explain that (if it's drug use) and if caught there can be criminal repercussions which can affect him securing employment in many places (health care, military, banking, teaching, etc). He needs to think a little further into the future. m

It's up to you to take that first step to see about treatment.

Answer 2

In the history of divorce and child custody, 3 things are a constant: 1. Ex's fight (sometimes to their own detriment) 2. Kids manipulate. (sometimes to their own detriment) 3. Kids experiment with drugs.(again w/ the detriment) Luckily your 15 yr. old did not get caught by the authorities which would have put him/her and you in a precarious predicament for sure. However since you found it you still have options. First of all, do some searching. Find out his history with this substance.(I can only assume from your question it was an illegal substance) Talk to his friends and such if at all possible and try to determine if this is a one time kind of thing or if there is an ongoing problem. Either way, not dealing with this in a timely fashion will tell the courts that your concerns lie more with the custody of your child than with his well being. Not a light you want to be seen in. Also, court systems favor the parent who works to provide a consistant line of comunication with the other parent. Unless there are other serious factors you are trying to hide, you cannot lose custody of your child over a situation like this unless you fail to respond to it appropriatley. Since the father seems to be so closely involved, keeping him in the dark will only serve to make you look dishonest. Once you make that impression on the court, you cannot change it. Custody battles are won and lost everyday in this country over less. In this situation, I do believe (and his is based on experience) the best way for you to handle this is quickly and honestly. Tell the father what you found and let him know in no uncertain terms that your concerns lie with doing what is best for your son to ensure he is healthy both physically and emotionally. Also lrt him know that no matter what has transpired between the 2 of you in the past, you know both of you need to work as a team for the well being of your son. It would be awful difficult for him to try and make you out to be the bad guy after you do that. Chances are if he tried to villainize you under those circumstances, the court would see right thru it and he will get the opposite effect. When dealing with the other parent. honesty and integrity are vital. It is impossible for an ex (or anyone else) to uncover and expose scandal when it was never covered up to begin with. Even the most well intentioned person looks like a good for nothing liar with no morals and bad judgement when they are caught in a cover up. Judges have so little to base their decisins on as it is, do you want to give them one that could so badly work against you?Courts are used to kids making bad decisions, but they expect parents to make adult ones. Good luck, and remember, when you act like and are the best parent you can be, and you keep your childs best interest at heart at all times (especially when it can be so difficult and draining) not only do other people see it, but your child will too. Best of luck to you and your child.

Answer 3

If your teen wants to live with the other parent I'm pretty sure they have a right to decide that. You are the parent...so if your teen has a "problem" and needs to be tested and treated then do it! So what if your ex finds out? Your teen is responsible for his/her own actions. You will not be considered unfit unless you participated in your teen's wrong-doing. Of course your teen will try to choose the easy path. Hopefully once they get old enough to know better they will understand you cared enough to do something about it. If they don't learn from these mistakes then THEY chose the path...not because you put them on it but because they wanted to be on it. Hope this helps. Never give up on your child. Even if he/she isn't speaking to you never stop telling them you love them.

Answer 4

look first issues first i visit merely assume that you stumbled on dope so the first project that you do is get the youngster some help. That for one tells any choose that you're a being concerned and in contact figure. Secondly teach me a teen that isn't a reliable manipulator. Seriosly although i comprehend that you're afraid that you could loose and there is an chance that you're going to. i comprehend that isn't what you want to take heed to yet I went via something simular and my determination changed into this. in spite of climate I win or loose i am going to do wjhat is sweet for my youngster. as far as your ex understanding he's gonna locate out faster or latter. So all you should do there is ask to positioned your alterations asside for the sake of assisting your baby.

Answer 5

parents can't have eyes on there child 24/7 but i would confront them and yes tell the other half no matter what that person feels about you, you guys still and all ways will have one good thing in commen your child. If you don't work toghether it could get worse i wouldn't worry about the court if they gave you custdy all ready then it would take alot for them to take it way.

Answer 6

ure in a sticky situation. i wouldn't tell the ex he will use it against you and u shouldn't have talked to the teen about it. but then if it is something bad then discipline the teen. sometimes the harder raod is better. she or he needs discipline. and if he is not her father then he has no right to take it to court but if it is the teen is old enough to choose who to live with if the court lets the teen choose and the teen chooses the father then tell the father about the teens problem and let him take care of it if he is a good parent then he will discipline the teen.but wait until the court descides who the teen will live with and then tell the father beacause then you will have more visitationrights

Answer 7

What did you find? It couldn't possibly be something that NO other parent has ever found in their teens' rooms.

Quit playing games. Be upfront with the teen that you know. And if the ex is the teens other parent then they need to know too.

Answer 8

It might be a bitter pill, Just let the child go and the kid will figure out that you are the real winner here, hang in there you will prevail.

Answer 9

ya lost the kid already

Answer 10

what?