Am I being too picky about my boyfriend or is there something wrong with me?

Question

We have been dating for about 4 1/2 yrs. He and I both have very good jobs. The problem is he has 2 kids who cannot get out of his home and on with their lives. He doesnt seem to mind that his 28 yr old son lives at home with his pregnant girlfriend. He expects me to act like they are not there. I own my own home and live on the other side of town. He says he is trying to help his kids get a good start in life. To me when your kids are married and making own babies, you already started and its time to move on down the road and not live with your dad. He does not expect them to help him with the bills, clean house or pay for any of their own laundry supplies. I think its all a big crock. These kids are 26 and 28 yrs old. He thinks I expect too much. He says his kids need some "daddy" time. What the crap is that? Is the alcohol affecting his brain, or am I just a hard a.s.s? Am I being unresonable to expect some respect here? Is he being run over or is it me being a monster?

He is 53 and I am 42. My 2 kids are up and gone already.
Me and the big guy have discussed marriage but I cannot live under the same roof with his adult children. Its not natural. I think he should build the garage apartment thing advertised in the Menards flyer this week, so they can live in the back yard. with a garage under them. Heck, they could hook into his power and run the gas off his meter and drink and party all nite long.

He works his rear end off and they are happy at his house because he is always gone trying to make more money. They leave the dishes for him to have washed by his daughter who charges him for the service.
I would like for him to have a life. He has 2 ex wifes behind him who will not let these moochers come home. They were allowed to stay at herr house for about a month then she locked them out and literally changed the keys. Her husband would not put up with them. He told them to get out.

Answer 1

I think your right thats a bunch of crap.You need to talk to him and straighten things out.

Answer 2

I give you credit - because Lord knows I wouldn't have made it this long.

I would definitely say the damage is already done. Like you said his "babies" are already out making babies. If he were concerned with being a good father he would set some rules - he would state that he wants them to find their own place to live by a certain date and really follow through on it. It seems like your boyfriend feels guilty about something, which is why he wont set his children free.

Think about it - why would they move out??? They have it too good. I would want to stay too!! No rent, don't have to clean, etc. It's every person's dream - young or old.

You need to sit down and tell your boyfriend it's time to make some decisions. You're not asking him to choose between you and his kids - but he needs to be a man and set a good example for his kids. I mean they're almost 30!!!

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

Answer 3

Neither. It's his house, and his kids, so they can live there if it's ok with him. This is a fight you can't win. These are his kids, even if they are grown. This is also probably a deal breaker since you apparently can't tolerate his decision, and he doesn't see your point. Is his son trying to SAVE money for a house for his girlfriend and baby? My husband, son and I stayed with my in-laws for a year while doing that. My grandparents and aunt lived with HIS parents for THREE years while doing that. So if this is the case, I can kind of see where he's coming from--I wouldn't put my child and grandchild out on the street if they had nowhere else to go either.

If this is NOT the case, I can definitely see your point, but there still really isn't anything you can do about it. There's also no real point if you don't live together. This issue will not go away, so it's probably a deal breaker.

Answer 4

In his point of view, his kids are still his "4-year-old kids" no matter they are 28 or 60 yrs old. Your kids have moved away from you and you cannot expect his kids move away from him too. If the current situation is like that before you started the relationship with him. You might need to try to accept it or need to talk. If this issue is really getting to your nerves, and you can't accept that, maybe you might consider to move on?

Answer 5

I wonder if the kids are putting some sort of guilt trip on him. If he makes them move out and support themselves they may make him feel he's a bad parent. If he expects help around the house and with bills they also may make him feel bad. He may not know how to handle that kind of guilt without support. Talk to him and let him know you are there if he need moral support.If he really loved you he'd put his foot down and either make them help or kick them out. He should not have to kill himself supporting people who obviously have no respect for him. I guess it's more about how you really feel about him and how bad you want his company.I think your in a tough spot and wish there was more I could say if nothing more than someone to talk to about the frustrations of what's going on . My man has no kids and I do but mine are alot younger and one has moved on.

Answer 6

Woman. Wake up!!!!!
Is that the best you can do, really?
Let the guy spoil his adult children and get out of his way. One day, when it is too late he will realize that his dear children are gone for good and he does not have someone to love him, and take care of him. As for you, if you get out of his way, you will be happy you did because suppose this guy is good otherwise - you left the good go in order to obtain the better --and that is what you deserve. You deserve to be loved and appreciated. Work on your self esteem. You are worth something woman. There are other man without that kind of baggage, but you will not find them if you do not let the "good father" go. If he does not know what tough love means ---well though. You know better that staying in that unfortunate relationship. What? Are you thinking it is going to change one day. Ja, Ja, Ja!!! You are naive.

Answer 7

I shop in ideas being your age and unmarried. of route its been many years in the past. sure its okay to be choosy. there is no longer something incorrect with wanting a guy it somewhat is knowledgeable, works and has aims. you need to be attracting the adult adult males that do not have any jobs or wont even shop a job. No practise and dont plan on even gaining understand-how of to study earlier they are 30 years of age. (Laughs questioning about it) there is someone accessible for you and no your criteria of what you want isn't to intense of a expectation. Oh, in case you run throughout the time of one in each of those adult adult males tell them you owe 3 months again employ and they are coming to p.c.. up your motor vehicle in some days. I wager all you'll see is heel airborne dirt and mud. sturdy success to you !

Answer 8

He doesn't want to let go...Is there a good reason why his married son is living there? Like did he lose his job and is getting back on his feet? If so, then you are being a hard asss, but if not, your man doesn't want to let go and knows that once he does, he has to start making real decisions concerning the 2 of you. Maybe it's time YOU start making real decisions about your relationship.

Answer 9

No, the problem is with him. These kids need to learn how to live life on their own. He's not doing them any favors. What are they going to do when Dad isn't around anymore to take care of them.? Part of being a good parent is teaching your children to be self reliant.

Answer 10

You are not being picky, you see a red flag. I don't think that a relationship with you is something he is ready for. Sounds like he likes the role he plays in his children's lives, and you keep rocking that boat for him with responsible, practical child rearing.

Unless you want to become responsible for his kids down the road, date him without ever moving on with him into a more serious relationship.

Answer 11

You're right. At 26 & 28 it's time for those losers to pack up and get the hell out of the nest. Tell him you're tired of playing second fiddle to three leeches who refuse to accept responsibility for their own existance and their daddy who hasn't the balls to do what needs to be done. Give him an ultimatum and stick with it. Either they get out and get on with their lives, or you do.