You opinion...?

Question

If your just going to put me down then just dont put anything at all! Im currently pregnant and the father of the baby is not around at. He said he doesnt want anything to do with the baby and I couldnt bare to give it up for adoption. He is married (didnt know he was before I got pregnant) and already has three little girls that he gave up to his aunt and his mom. Im wondering if I should even tell him when I have the baby... if I should put him on the birth certificate... if I should take him to court for child support? Opinions please. I know that I can make it without him. Im living with my parents currently but I have a good steady job and I know how to take care of a child. My parents say I should just leave him out of it totally but I dont know. Opinions about all this please!

Answer 1

I'm sure a lot of people will tell you that a child needs a mother and a father, but that is just not true! Especially if one of them is a bad role model! Which it seems like this father is. I would leave him out of it completely (birth certificate and all). If you don't need his help, then why bother. I guarantee it will be a fight! Everybody knows somebody who's ex won't pay or is causing trouble for the family, I just wouldn't choose that for me and my baby! If he is not on the birth certificate you'll have less trouble if you ever married, or want to leave the country etc. Plus if you decide to go for child support later you still could. I think men should have a choice too, and seems like he made his.

Answer 2

If he said he doesn't want anything to do with the baby, and you don't want or need his financial support, then I echo the opinion you should have him sign away his parental rights. This is especially true if your parents are willing and able to be your backup support.

That would mean that you wouldn't be able to get him to financially support the child -- which sounds like something he'd prefer anyway. It also means he wouldn't be able to come back later and demand any right to the child.

Putting his name on the birth certificate, though, is another thing. I know I'm in the minority here, but I think the best thing for the CHILD is that his name is there. When this child becomes an adult, he or she should have the right to decide if s/he wants any contact with the biological father.

There may be health issues that arise (you never know).

Also, this child is already going to grow up knowing that his bio dad was a deadbeat -- but a child will always wish for something better and will blame you for this. By knowing that when he's an adult that he'll have the freedom (and the ability) to go on his own to look up the father, that takes you out of having to "prove" anything to him. As an adult, if he decides to seek out the father, he'll find out for himself what a deadbeat this guy truly was. Or (which would be a great thing for all concerned) he could learn, 18 years from now, that this once deadbeat guy actually got a life and became a decent human being. Though it doesn't look possible now, redemption may come to this guy!

But cover yourself for now and if he doesn't want anything to do with the child, and you don't need him, have him prove it by signing away his rights.

Answer 3

Leave him out of it. I know someone that had a baby and didn't put the baby's father on the birth certificate. The best thing she ever did! He was abusive and almost made her miscarry. He join the Navy and 2-3 years later wanted the baby. Since she claimed she didn't know the father and his name was not mentioned, he had no case. It will be hard, but with the love and support of your family, you should be okay. Chances are he will not come back for this child. But remember, if he is paying for the child, he has parental rights and could see the child or fight for custody. Sometimes children are unexpected, but God will only give you what you can handle. If you know that you can make it without him, I would make him a memory. Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 4

if you decide later on that you want his child support money then yes, put him on the birth certificate. But if you are planning on doing this alone then no, dont include him in any way.
Some people I am sure will say that he should pay for not telling you he was married with children; and sure, maybe he does. But does the family he has already wronged deserve to pay...

there are a lot of questions you can ask yourself. And its going to be a tough decision. But I think you parents are on the right track. he walked out on you, its none of his business.. he doesn't need nor does he deserve to know that you are carrying his child.

Answer 5

If you put his name on the birth certificate he'll have rights to your child. Considering that he gave up his other kids, I'd say he's a negligent parent. Would you like a negligent parent to have rights to your child. If god forbid you were to ever be found incapable of caring for your child in the future you could give the child to your parents...but with his name on the birth certificate he could sue for custody. I'd say don't put his name on and when your child grows up you can tell your child the story. He/she can then look up his/her father and half sisters by the information you give them and it would be up to them to see if they want a relationship or not. Since your parents say leave him out, I'd say they are quite supportive of you doing it alone and will be willing to help you a bit. Trust your parents, but don't expect them to support you all the way. I think they'd like to see you grow from your experience too. Once you have your child you're going to be impressed by the power a mother has. You'll find you can do more than you ever imagined to take care of the baby, if you have the will to do so. More power to you

Answer 6

I think that even if you aren't going after child support you should still put the father on the birth certificate and give the baby the fathers last name. This is important, what if you have a boy.. and he meets his sister, but doesn't know that it's his sister and they fall in love. Big no no. You must give the child his last name.

peace

Answer 7

I personally would leave him off the birth certificate. If you can take care of the baby on your own then I would. That's what I did. I figure if the father doesn't want the child now he never will.
I was raised by my mom and she didn't put my father's name on my birth certificate. The only time he wanted to come around was when he was drunk, so she told him not to come around at all. I feel like it was his loss and I'm better off without him.

Answer 8

Have him sign his rights away it's better especially if he doesn't want anything to do with his baby. Also when you find a great guy who loves you and your child then he can adopt him. Your child shouldn't have to go through life knowing that his/her father does not love and care for him/her. Money isn't the option here, yes if he wanted to be involved and participate then he can help support the child but if he doesn't want anything to do with him/her don't force them to do anything that will come back around to you. If you can do it own your on go for it, and yes the extra money is nice but why have that money if it doesn't mean anything for the child. This is only my opinion you do what you wish.

Answer 9

Yes I agree with your parents if he doesn't want anything to do with the baby just leave him completely out of it because it has let you know how he feels. It's not your fault because he knew he was married when he laid down with you. This is all about hiding from his wife. I really wish there were some way you could get child support without upsetting the people (his wife and kids) or making them suffer for something he did.

Answer 10

I have a son, and his father is not around at all. I didnt put him on the birth cert. I didnt give him his name, I did call him when he was born, and he hung around for about a day! I felt a lot of guilt at the time, but now I am SOOO HAPPY about my choice...My son now has a great stepdad, he doesnt know about his bio father (he is only 1&1/2) but I dont plan on keeping it a secret. If he wants to see him I wont stop him, but I think it is his choice, not his bio fathers...It sounds like your situation is even more complicated than mine, so I would definatly suggest not puting him on the bc. you can change it later on if you want... and as far as the child support goes, I would rather him not be involved than get a couple hundred lousy bucks a month...(I did give the father the option though, sign his rights away or pay child support, he chose to sign) It all just depends on how involved you think he will try to be... If you put him on the cert, or he sees him regularly, I would definatly get child support!

update: For all the people saying to just have him sign his rights away, its not that easy, the courts usually wont just let a man decide not to be the father.... you usaully have to have sombody who is waiting to adopt them...and you dont have to have him on the bc to get child support, if he claims its not his, they will just order a paternity test....also, even if he pays child support, in most states that has nothing to do with visits, it is completely seperate. (just because you dont pay, doesnt meen you cant see them, or just because you dont see them doesnt mean you dont have to pay....)