going to bed mad?

Question

i hate going to bed mad. but sometimes it seems inevitable. even after we have both calmed down and can talk without yelling, there still seems to be no compromise in sight. it's either we just go to sleep a little upset because we feel un-understood and frustrated, or we go around in circles for hours and hours and just get more frustrated and tired until one of us gives in and says whatever will make the other happy so we can sleep. i guess my question is this- did i marry the wrong man if we can't both happily come to a compromise before sleep? or do all married couples have these fights? i'm starting to realize that marriage is making me more independent than i ever have been. is that bad? because it sure is unexpected!

it's never serious issues. just hurt feelings and miscommunications. i've only been married a couple months. and we are both stubborn as all hell! we don't fight real often either. i guess i just want to hear that other happy couples do this too...

Answer 1

Hang in there, don't give up. Try to forgive and forget. You dont always have to be right. I have been married 12 years now. We used to have hugh fights and go around in circles...for hours, and then go to bed mad. You will mature and get tired of it. It's a waist of time to fight. Forgiveness is the answer. I got tired of fighting about a year ago. It feels better to not take everything so seriously. hang in there it gets better.

Answer 2

Regardless if you are married or friends or other family members -- going to bed mad or parting in the morning or anytime is something that anyone could end up regreting. Consider this -- we do not know when we will die, what if ugly, angry words were the last thing you said to your husband and he died before you could say anything else? What if the last words you heard from your husband were angry words? Not a pleasant thought if you realize that there are plenty of people in this world who have been there and truly wish they could take those words back. Why? Because they did not mean them because they really loved or cared about the person.

Marriage counseling? There are some churches that offer classes for free or a minimal charge.

Consider this, too. Some people simply do not communicate very well during certain times of the day. MAYBE those people who had separate bedrooms years ago (and some today) realized that -- try keeping a log -- when do you argue and fight the most when it is just the two of you? First thing in the morning or right before bed? What about after you have had your coffee and shower? Are things better? Think about it -- you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

In the meantime, you two are husband and wife and you made a commitment to one another -- unless there is abuse, please do not give up on it too easily. As for being independent, that can be good, but not if there is no quality time between the two of you. Talk with a marriage counselor.

Answer 3

I always thought that a couple should never go to bed mad at each other. And to some extent I still believe that. But my husband and I had a arguement one time and I was not about to give into him. I knew he was in the wrong and he knew it too but he did not want to admit it. It was really nothing serious, but we were both being stubborn. It actually worked better to just go to bed and let it go. I found that there are just some times when you need to just go to bed. Especially if it's over something minor. We actually get along very well and very rarely fight. This was actually the first "major arguement" we had ever had. And mind you it wasn't all that major. I found that once we woke up the next morning, all was fine and there was no need to let it come between us. Now if it's something major and threatening to your marriage then I definintely think you need to resolve it the best you can before bed. You don't want to wake up still mad.

Do you fight often? And do you go to bad mad often? There may be some issues that you both need to sit down and talk about. Maybe there is something that keeps causing fights.

Answer 4

There is no such thing as " The Perfect Marriage " . All marriages have their ups and downs. And yes some do go to bed at night without resolving the problem and being mad. It's not a bad thing at all. It could be you both are under a lot of stress. If you're having a lot of problems maybe you should suggest to your other half marriage counseling. It couldn't hurt! And it may give you some helpful ideas on how to resolve those problems of going to bed mad at each other. The one thing you can expect in any marriage is the unexpected. Good Luck!

Answer 5

First off, I'd like to say that it's normal going to bed mad. Hell, I bet most couples do fight and go to bed mad. If they don't I wonder where the divorce statistics came from.

My husband and I are a very funny and loving couple but we sure do have disagreements sometimes. We're both educated but there times that I don't like him being him and he doesn't like me being me but that doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore.

I'm a very upfront person and sometimes, I say awful but well- meant and honest things to people when I'm mad. I really speak up what makes me disappointed and frustrated. And when I do that, sometimes people get hurt. I don't regret any words that I say but I do regret that I hurt people's feelings but what can I do, I want to be honest and fair...

When we do fight and I am hurt or mad over things, I turn into every husband's dream wife---I am 100% nagless...I shut up and shut my husband off my world. I don't speak to him because I'm refraining myself for saying things that I might regret later. I only talk to him or we do talk to each other when the hurt or pain goes away and we're already in a better mood and that's the time we talk about the things. For us it works because we're in a clearer state of mind and we've already calmed down. Try it, it might work for you too.

No, you did not marry the wrong man just because you can't come to compromise before you go to sleep...

Answer 6

I try and make it a rule not to go to bed or leave each other mad, you never no if that will be the last time you see or talk to each other. How long have you been married? What are you arguing about. Some times it helps if you just give in and say I'm sorry, I love you and forget about it.

Answer 7

I, too have gone to bed many nights mad, and wake up mad the next morning......makes for a long night too. We ended up getting divorced later, and the only thing I regret is staying in that marriage as long as I did. I had a full-size bed at the time, and remember thinking that I never knew a bed that size could be SO wide....and cold! Good Luck....I feel sorry for you!

Answer 8

as quickly as we've a combat we log out MSN and stay offended, then we log back on interior of a hour and say how sorry we are... and if the different isn't on line, we just about kill ourselves with guilt on leaving it on a foul notice. We consistently make up by ability of the tip of the day, and if we've a undertaking and combat in individual its over the 2nd we hug... we gained't stay mad on an identical time as the different is around...

Answer 9

Marriage is not all fun and games. Sometimes it is better to continual at a later time so you both have time to think about. You do not have to be mad about a disagreement.

Answer 10

most of the time you won't come to a compromise. at least not in my marriage anyway. i went to bed mad last night and woke up mad today. it doesn't make it a bad marriage.