we have been married 10 years and he told me no matter how uncomfortable his best friend makes me he won't loose her. i don't think that is fair and i think it is disrespectful. what do you think?
2006-09-26 15:56:48 · 15 answers · asked by beckdawgydawg 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Join the club. When I read your question I thought it was me asking it. I have been married 10 years and put second to the friend and everything else in his life. It's not fair, and despite me telling mine the same thing, all he did was hide it from me. I even told him I would leave him if I thought he was still talking to this person. Unfortunately it will never change. They never change. As bad as it sounds, I have just let it go. If it something that really bothers you that much, put him out for awhile, let him know you mean business. It's hard but there isn't much else I can tell you considering I'm in the same boat.
2006-09-26 16:06:41 · answer #1 · answered by ~SSIRREN~ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did say his best friend was a " her " right? In the first place, if my man had a girl for a best friend, we would be having a serious discussion about who's gonna be more important. Second, if he put her first instead of me and we were married, he'd be sleeping on the couch until he changed his mind or he would be looking for a new place to live. It is so disrespectful, have you suggested that you go to marriage counseling, or he could start looking forward to sleeping on the couch or even worse looking for a new place to live. What he's doing is wrong and he needs his *** kicked to get with the program and to remember that your wife comes before your best friend, especially when it's a woman! Good Luck!
2006-09-26 23:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by ajsad36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me like if you are married to him you are his best friend and she is his second best friend. Did he say he chooses her over you? And if he did, why are you still there? Why isn't he with her if he prefers her? Has he given you any reason to think something more than friendship is going on between them? I bet you don't have anything to worry about. Ten years is a long time to be married if he didn't consider you first. You are the one holding the prize, so don't look at the second place finisher with jealousy in your heart.
Good luck
2006-09-26 23:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wasn't married but I was with the guy for five years and he said the same thing to me.I found out about 5 years after we split up that he was playing me for her the whole time and she was cool with it.I found out through the lady he got with after me.He played her with the same chic.Turns out now he cant speak to the hussy anymore because her boyfriend suspects something.
If I was you I would go and get a really good guy friend.My aunt was in the same situation as you and turns out the guy was doing the so called best friend in my aunts bed when she was at work.
Its like this the men should run with the men and the women with the women.I would be doing some investigating.Go to your local electronic store and get some recording devices for the phone and some to hide through out the house when your not home.
He's not being this defensive for no reason.
2006-09-26 23:08:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think you have been in this for 10 years too long.If your husband doesnt respect your feelings and insights first and foremost, then you probably deserve someone better.Especially that the best friend is a woman.When married you are to love one another as yourself,and your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and support.Also, you are to leave the home and others and cling to your spouse.I feel that being that this is a woman,always follow your intuition,if you feel theres probably more, Im sorry to say, there probably is.Give him an ultimatim,and if he doesnt respond the way he is supposed to, then theres nothing left for you there.good luck!
2006-09-26 23:07:06 · answer #5 · answered by luv2bawifenmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked him how would he feel if your best friend were a man other than him? Then explain it is the same principle behind it. Does he ever tell you or offer a chance to go out with him when he spends time with her or talks to her? If he was hiding something from you other than a friendship, it would make me uncomfortable. Maybe it is time to involve a marriage counselor to work through these issues.
2006-09-26 23:06:42 · answer #6 · answered by dawncs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be pretty strong to have dealt with it for ten years already. What's happened in your life to make this be more of problem now? Did his friend step over a "line" that was never crossed before?
He probably does not see the unfairness that you feel, so it's not bothering him. Threatening him probably will not do any good with changing his perspective either. I think you might either have to deal with his "friendship", or learn how to bust it up in order to find a happy middle for you. Good Luck!
2006-09-26 23:24:23 · answer #7 · answered by BuffyFromGP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out why you are so threatened by her. If there is real merit to your fears, like he spends more time with her then you, then get a lawyer, your marriage is over.
But if this is just a friend, then why show him you care about her at all? Be secure in what you are to him, don't sweat the person he talks on the phone with, she's nobody.
2006-09-26 23:21:11 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What guy or gal has a best friend of the opposite sex, while being married, that isn't jumping in the sack with her?
Something odd in the land of Oz here.
2006-09-26 23:04:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking you knew this even before you married him. You probably should have learned how to deal with it (or not) before the wedding date. If she's truly his best friend and that's all there is to it, then you have nothing to worry about.
2006-09-26 23:00:38 · answer #10 · answered by mJc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋