My Xhusband destroyed the trust in our marriage in Sept 01. I couldn't get over the betrayal of his on-line activities which included sexual clubs and dirty talk with other women. I also found disturbing pictures he had taken of himself nude. Pictures that a gay man would find interesting but not most women would want to see. He also took video of himself masturbating. He couldn't explain any of it. He had no answers but I was to get over it and go on. He promised to stop but things kept creeping up like photo shop photos of himself with a strange woman cropped in..a woman who looked like a boy. It was all weird and very hard for me to live with. The space between us grew over the years and he finally moved out in January 06. I begged him to go get help...both of us could have used marital counseling but he refused. He claimed I was the one with the problem not him. My thoughts are he destroyed the trust it was his job to regain it. It's over but your opinions are needed.
2006-09-26 15:23:38 · 20 answers · asked by Girl Wonders 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there is always life after love...the problem is finding a way to get past all the memories and the pain.....its not easy i know!....i spent ten years in a relationship that i thought would last forever....but as time went on, he broke my trust over and over....it really knocks you for six doesnt it............you were never the one to blame for the break up of your marriage but he will never admit that.....and of course he will blame you as he his the one that got caught......just tells you what a man he really is and that your much better off without him....you couldnt have lived a life that was based on dishonesty.......but not all men are like that.........too right that he should have been the one to regain the trust.......dont give up on love just yet.....there is always someone for everyone...but you have to take a chance...dont let him get the better of you by him thinking that he were the only man for you, hold your head up high and carry on.....i know you can do it, if i did!.....all the best!
2006-09-26 15:39:25 · answer #1 · answered by killan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over him. He's a loser. He's the kind of person who needs sex to feel important. And, yes, there is definately life after love.
Keep in mind that your major problems started back in 2001. It sounds like you've been through five years of hell. It sounds like love kind of beat the heck out of you! I know it's hard, but try and see single life as a new opportunity and a new adventure.
Whatever you do, don't get into a new relationship. At least for a couple of years. Yes, he destroyed your future and your plans, but now you get to make new ones with nobody to interfere.
Make friends. Try going to church. It's a slightly safer environment to meet people. And right now you desperately need platonic friends around to tell you you're being dumb chasing after every new guy you meet. No, I'm not accusing you of anything, but its a natural reaction. You're suddenly single, relationships are more on your mind than ever, and you'd probably do almost anything if you thought it would make you feel better.
2006-09-26 22:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by Privratnik 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, he betrayed the trust and should regain the trust. What he was doing was wrong. You didn't have a problem, but God knows he did. He avoided the counseling because he didn't want to admit to it. He probably had more secrets that he didn't want you to find out about.
There is life out there somewhere. And there is Love out there for you if you want it. Try going to counseling for yourself. He really did hurt you and you need to talk to someone about it. But what he did was really wrong!
2006-09-27 00:41:00 · answer #3 · answered by ajsad36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 5 years of some of the same pain, I got out, and after a year I started dating again, it was a nice surprise to find that I had thought I lived life without love because I had lost love. But actually love lived in me all along, wow that was so cool to discover. I have feelings for someone new and it is amazing. taking it slow and not without bumps he has been hurt before too. And the person who hurt me with strippers and internet porn has gone on to date a stripper! go figure
2006-09-26 22:29:46 · answer #4 · answered by trip 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is life after love because we often find someone who is right for us at that point in time but unless you both grow & move in the same direction together you're bound to part ways sooner or later. This leaves you available for any other opportunities that would be better for you at this time in your life, you just have to be patient & try to not be afraid when you do see signs of potential. I think your ex has a lot of issues that you could never have helped him with so it's better for both of you to be apart - he was probably blaming you because he was scared & didn't understand it himself. Who knows, just hang in there though - you don't need to be with someone who does stuff like that.
2006-09-26 22:37:30 · answer #5 · answered by shirazzza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Miss I am truly sorry for the deict in your marriage. And yes there is, what u need right now are friends, and family. Keep those bonds strong. and when u are ready go out and have fun. Don't go looking for love let love find you, because when u try to force it to happen it usually doesn't work. I'm really sorry, i hope ur doing well. Try to stay active and be positive.
2006-09-26 22:28:00 · answer #6 · answered by Cobalt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i sure hope so! my cheat'in spouse left 9/11 This time everyday gets brighter,every nite i get more sleep, and my heart is mending by the minute. I deserved better than her and everyone i know has told me so. You need to remember that you are responsible for your own heart's happiness and unfortunatly there a lot of people out there who are not what they pretend to be, and the nice ones end up on the wrong side of happiness.
2006-09-26 23:48:25 · answer #7 · answered by gullible 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Among the myriad of things that he was wrong about, was the declaration that the problem was yours. That is so untrue. You sound like a very together lady. Hang on, kid. The ride'll be bumpy but it will come to an end.
2006-09-26 22:29:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gabe is right. Seek the help and support of friends and family. Do not let his "sport" wear you down. Go out and enjoy life, love will come to you. He is who he is and you are who you are. It seems he does not want to change back to man you thought he was. He has revealed who he really is and what he likes.
Good luck
2006-09-26 22:36:29 · answer #9 · answered by geri11066 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The internet has a lot to answer for!! In ruining relationships etc.
Hope you find a decent guy to share your life with!
Do you have a good support network, family and friends etc?
Good luck.
2006-09-26 22:49:26 · answer #10 · answered by HIMSELF 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋