i dont know what to do anymore?

Question

i dont really know where to start...my dad was never there and my mom disowns me as of a few years ago and she wont let me talk to my little sister (around 10 yrs old.) im 16 i talked to my sister twice acouple years ago on the phone but the second time we talked my mom got on the phone and told me i called her again she was going to get a restraining order placed to keep me from contacting her (my sister) wheather or not she can do that deosnt matter. ive handled everything that has happend in my life really well but now lately i just cant take it anymore i miss my mom and sister i miss not knowing what its like to a whole family im getting older and i want to be able to talk with my mom and sister because i dont want to wake up one day and get a phone call saying my mom has passed away or something tragic.anyways my question is how do handle this ????????? ive talked to pshycologists but they dont hep and i dont like that they are paid to pretend to care

i cant sit down and have a heart to heart with my mom she lives on the other side of the country and if i call shell hang up on me

i liv4 with my grandma now

yes there is a lot that i didnt say about my mom and many other things simply because it would take forever and half to write it all and probably no one would read it....and thats another thing im worried about is when i get married and have kids of my own how am i supposed to be a good parent if i never had any to begin with

alright pandora the cat your post made me angry youre trying to blame all of this on me its not my fault the reason i left is beacuse my mom wouldnt stop abusing me and i jsut got fed up with it. since i was young(er) i was forced to grow up fast and take a responsibilty of everything i had to watch my little sister had to clean make food etc.

for aeveryone else i dont go to a pshychologist anymore i did that 3 times and each time i didnt like it and no its not becauise i idnt like what they said i just dont like them period and i dont like just opening up to a complete stranger. i used to have friends i could talk to but not anymore they have all backstabbed me and stole from me which just irrataties me on a whole new level but im not going to get into that. i no longer go to school i dropped out its not cus i wasnt passing or anything i had a 4.0 GPA dropped out when i was a sophmore. its hard to keep your head up high when you dont have any reason to

Answer 1

I empathize with you. It's a very sad situation that your relationship with your mom is strained. It seems that she's not ready to make amends with you. Technically, it's the older person, your mom to initiate the communication lines. But now it sounds like you have to do it. I was in a similar situation. In my adolescent stage, when my mom was physically abusive, I refused to talk to her. This took several years. But she was the one who broke the ice. One time, she was hospitalized. My father encouraged me to go and visit her. But I didn't. I was just too bitter.
In later years, my relationship with her improved. I never turned my back on my parents. I took care of them in their old age till they die.

You see, as a person grow older, they tend to mellow. Hopefully, your mom will too. But maybe, it's more difficult because of the distance between you. When you get married and have your own family, she might come around. There's nothing more exciting than seeing her grandchildren. I know, I find so much delight in their innocence. Why don't you invite them, your mom and sister to come and visit you or you visit them? More often than not.
In estranged family relationship; weddings and funerals always bring family together. Or the holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I hope things work out for you. Just keep on calling and communicating. She can not get a restraining order if you haven't committed any crime. That's all talk. That's good. You can use this forum to ventilate. A Psychologist will not do any better. All they do is keep notes and look at the time. I've gone for psychological counselling. You're better off talking to a friend or a wall.

Answer 2

I disagree --I think psychologists DO care and can be a tremendous help --maybe you haven't found the right one. You can't choose your parents, so don't think twice about your dad. There are probably things that you haven't told us about your relationship with your mother and why she disowned you. Ask your mother if she will give you another chance --you need to both apologize to each other for past hurts and start fresh. If she won't listen on the phone, mail her a letter. Then hold up your end of the bargain. Whether or not that works out for you, concentrate on yourself right now --your education, your career, a healthy lifestyle and make some new friends that can be emotionally supportive for you. Eventually you will be able to see your sister and develop a relationship with her. Things seem bad now, but eventually you will probably meet someone, get married and have children of your own and be in a stable, secure family environment. Good luck!

Answer 3

First if you think your therapist is pretending to care you need to request a new therapist.

This is something that sounds like you can do nothing about if you mom is not cooporating. Are you in foster care? If so ask your social worker or the person you are living with to ask your mom about starting family visits for about 1 hour per week and therapy sessions with a family therapist once a week. This will start you all working thru the issues you have and intergrating you back into the family.

And what ever reason your mom disowned you. She is dead wrong for doing so. Not a very good mother.

Have grandma speak to your mom. Write your sisters letters and keep them. When they get old enough they will come looking for you.

Answer 4

One of the best things that I have ever found to help me when I'm down is prayer. I do no always know an answer but I know the one person that can help me is my higher power. To me that is GOD. I know this sounds a bit like a preacher but in all honesty it does work. Just keep saying dear god please help me. Over and over.. there will be peace. at times it does not last long, just keep praying. Then ask or pray thy will be done. he will help, You will not hear a voice, you will wonder at times if he is listening, but he is. just keep praying. PUSH Pray Until Something Happens. I do not know why you are separated from your mom and sister. I do know that for a time my daughter left me because she became much smarter than myself. It took a couple of years before we got together again. It took alot of forgiveness on my part. I never stopped loving her even though I felt as though she had stopped loving me. I did not ever stop praying for us. We both needed the help, and the higher power was there in the end. Just don't give up on yourself or your family. Writing is a good way to stay in touch. It is also a good way to help yourself with the way yo feel about life and some of the hard blows it sends your way.

Answer 5

You sound like you feel victimized and unloved, and you don't give much information about why you are in your current situation. You don't give much information on that either (your curent situation).
You don't seem to trust much in your therapists. You do a lot of finger pointing and blaming. You also don't take much responsibility for the situation where you are not allowed to have any contact or influence with your sister.
You obviously have someone who cares enough to send you to therapy, and you are taken care of well enough to have unrestricted internet access.
You must have done something heinous, to be forbidden to see your sister and your mother wants nothing to do with you. You obviously feel guilty about something because you are coming to your senses about being a part of your family.
You say that your therapists are paid to pretend to care. They do care, even if they call you out on your crap. If they didn't care, thaty wouldn't be there wasting their time talking to you or trying to get you to take a good long look at your self-defeating behaviors, and your distorted self-serving views.
My guess is that you are quite the handful to deal with. Your therapist must be quite exhauster. You probably don't like what they have to say. You are only 16 and have no idea that the world does not orbit you or cater to you. You lack empathy, and no one is teaching you how to be grateful, appreciative, and respectful. That is the job of the parents, which they are failing miserably at.
The best advice I can give you is to take a long, hard look at what you do/have done to contribute to your situation. You can volunteer to be a professional victim, or you can choose to be a stand up woman. You could take responsibility for your demise and make amends. You could choose to be reponsible, productive, and successful. It's all on you. Pretty scary, I know, but trust me, when you take control of your own life, you will be sitting on top of the world. You will finally feel your power.

Answer 6

Where are you living? Why doesn't your mom allow you to see your sister ? There's where your answer lies..continue with your psychologist.They are helpful.maybe you don't like his/her style? You are hurting and it's natural to want family....but sometimes we have to change things about ourselves .really work at it.......then others see the change and sometimes are willing to let you in again..... Sounds like you need to make changes.and it appears you are in foster care..what ever the reason or situation remember..the changes you make today and the rest of your life are for your own good.......make that move...change the things that you can change,,ask for help, don't push the doctors away they will help...But you have to ask for help and be sincere about it because in the long run .you are hurting yourself by not cooperating..Rebellion is ok sometimes but when it becomes problematic you only hurt yourself....

Answer 7

So where are you staying now? Have you considered a youth outreach program, or something like that? I know it sounds silly, but you gotta have somebody on your side fighting for you. Your age is hard enough when you have a traditional family arrangement, but yours definitely isn't. I hope you have at least one person you can call on in a crisis - a friend, teacher, etc.

Answer 8

my sister was in a similar position. and i was in the place where your sister is now. Lisa had a troubled childhood. and my parents were afraid her continued bad behavior and lies would tear our family apart. i lived without her in my life for 7 years. please know that we thought of her every day and never wished her harm. we loved her still but her behaviors were too destructive. if you beleive that you can have a productive relationship with your family now then you have to let them know that. my sister wrote us each a letter. and we started slowly from there letting her back into our lives. it has been 17 years now, and we are all doing fine

Answer 9

actually i find a psychologist is more help than a psychiatrist. Usually the free or cheap ones are better than the ones you pay the big bucks for. Your friends are still the best, because they know and love you. Hope things get better:-) cause I was there once to.

Answer 10

I think that you should sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your mom.I have been away from my mom for 5 years but my mom did something really bad.Anyway it couldnt be that bad.I say talk to your mom and if she wont talk to you get on with your life.I know that sounds harsh but im sorry it had to be said.