Too soon to get Married?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, and at times I wish we could get married, but at 22 and 23, with me still in school and him just starting a job, I know we aren't ready. I know he plans to marry me someday, but at what point, at what age, have I waited too long? I would like to get married in 3 years, but I have a very strong feeling he won't ask in the next year or two. He talks about not getting married until he's 30, but I don't know if he is serious or just picks that age b/c it is a "safe" distance away. I don't want to wait that long. He talks about wanting to have his feet on the ground financially (I do too) and have established his name within his business. I don't think any of that is irrational, but why can't he do the establishing while married? I love him dearly, and can't imagine marrying someone else, but at what point do I have to call it quits? At what point do I walk away knowing that he will never marry me

Answer 1

Personally I believe if you can do something on your own you can probably do it while being married. He may be just stringing you on but it really wouldn't be fair to jump to that conclusion. He may think that once you are married then he has to change his life.

If your not willing to wait then you probably aren't sure about him either. What I mean is you either love him or you don't. A marriage certificate does not make love stronger. It is either strong or it isn't.

Talk to him and express your feelings. Let him know that you support his career now and would continue to do so after you got married.

Ask him why exactly he wants to wait. What does he think will change once you are married? Discuss the issues and if he isn't even willing to discuss them in hopes to come to an understanding then he probably doesn't want to marry you now or later.

And... I'm sure you've heard the saying why buy the cow when the milk is free. Unless you have been dating all this time without sex there isn't any reason for him to get married.

You have to ask yourself why do you want to get married. What will change for the better once you do? Are you insecure with his commitment to you the way it is now? Divorces are just as easy to get as a marriage lic. Just a bit more expensive so the commitment is not in the marriage but in the heart.

Answer 2

It seems that you guys aren't ready yet if you are doubting it now, and you stated the fact that you don't think you are ready. I'm kind of in the same situation you are. Me and my boyfriend are in college and we have been dating for 2 years. I think once we graduate college and establish careers, then we will be ready.
I mean you could get married while you are establishing your careers, etc., but I know personally this is a very stressful time for me. I am already exploring career options, going through school, I have a lot of really hard classes this semester, etc. I just could NOT imagine trying to plan a wedding on top of all of that! Also, if you don't already live together, then I'm sure you would want to after you get married. I think it would be wise to wait until you both reach your goals financially to do any of that.
I think after you are done school, you could possibly bring up the subject with him. Like I said, I've only been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we've discussed it. I think it's very likely I'll still be dating him when we graduate (I could be wrong though, you never know.) and discussing it helps us know that we are on the same page. We have both discussed the fact that we definitely want to wait until we graduate, and get jobs. So I think that might help if you tried talking to him to see if he really does want to wait until he's 30. He might have said that to look like he isn't trying to rush you, or he could really mean it. I think the point you would walk away knowing he will never marry you, is when he says that. I wouldn't walk away from the man I loved unless I could tell for sure that we are REALLY never getting married. Well, good luck =)!

Answer 3

That's a difficult decision. Yes, I agree you are both still too young to get married. By the time you are 30, you both will have grown so much, you both may feel differently. It is really important that you focus on what you want and go after it. Are you in school, furthering your career goals? That is really important because you will need to have one, whether you marry or not.

You may want to seek the advice of a good counselor to help you sort things out. Also talk to your parents. They know you quite well and have your best interests at heart. And experience. Best wishes.

P.S. I married at 20, and it was a "disaster." We both were way too young, and by the time he turned 28, I did not even know him, nor like the person he had become. He did not handle job pressure/s very well, and acted out a lot.

Answer 4

You are so contradicting. First u say u wish, then u know u arent ready, then u dont want to wait, then u want to be financially able to. What is irrational is that u can't make a decision.
It's more likey your marriage will survive if u marry at 30 then at 22, so the best would be to wait, prepare your lives to where u would like to be at the point for marriage.

Answer 5

My daughter is 29 and so is her husband. They have been married 2 years. They got married on their 11 year anniversary.
He wanted to have a good job and money to buy a house before they got married. She got her engagement ring new years eve of the new 2000. so they were engaged for 4 years. They got married at city hall and had a beautiful party at THEIR HOUSE.
He got the job,house,and girl. No one can tell you when to bail. only you know how the relationship is going and if you don't think he is serious they you have to go on with your like.
I have a friend that went with her boyfriend for 50 years. He couldn't marry her because his mom didn't like her. When the mother died they got married. He died 2 years later.Sad isn't it. what a waste. If your going to want a family he wants thing to be secure. I got married at 18 he was 21. we had 500.00 in the bank. he had a good job for 16years until the company closed.
We had 4 kids and have been married 31 years. but its been a struggle. so as you can see its hard for someone to tell you whats right for you. I wish you all the best. Just don't wait till your 50 to decide. OK

Answer 6

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Dating for 5 years is a long, long, time. Ask him how serious he is about marrying you and to give you a reasonable time window, like in 2 or 3 years.

Answer 7

You guys are so young! There's no need to rush into that piece of paper because it sounds like you guys have a marriage anyhow (are you living together?) & that's the whole point to a wedding. There are many many people who do just fine without the fomalities but if it is something important to you I would gently bring it up with him & say that you're not expecting him to propose to you right then & there but let him know that it is important to you & you just want to make sure you're going in the same direction. It's like kids, some people want them, some don't but there's very little room to compromise on these sorts of things which makes it harder to live with if you have differing opinions.

Answer 8

This is crazy! You are OLD enough to be married. The stuff about the job & school is goofy. You don't have to be rich to get married, you can still be in school, and you can build a career while you are married. Sounds like he's just full of excuses!
I got married at your age- fresh out of college. Hubby wasn't finished yet, so we were POOR! But things change! We built what we have, TOGETHER.

Answer 9

It took my husband 6 years to ask me and I never, ever brought up the subject....cause you know what?....What does it matter if you TRULY love him and KNOW you want to spend the rest of your life with him? If you two are going to be together what's the diffrence in married with a signed piece of paper and not married ..... he's your's just the same. Forever is Forever whether you've said I DO or still have a friendship ring on. YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME! Don't rush marriage, it's not the fairy tale everyone thinks it is.

Enjoy dating, it's the best time of your relationship.

Answer 10

confident, a guy could be luckily married and think of roughly pursuing an affair through fact it somewhat is exciting for him that a wierd lady exhibits him captivating. A month in the past you needed extra time with him and now you will end it? what's up with that? you need to have on no account pursued him in the 1st place or on no account back his thoughts. he's off limits....flow get your guy or woman. adult males are vulnerable minded each so often, exceedingly while a girl throws herself at him which you in certainty did through fact which you probably did not say no. believe me, he's taking it sluggish with you through fact on a similar time as he's flattered, he's thinking two times, he's making an attempt to do the amazing element by utilising his spouse. destroy it off with him in the previous a splendidly sturdy marriage is ruined through fact of your loss of morals.