my husband just told me he thinks he's gay/bisexual and that he's not sexually attracted to me right now.

Question

my husband and i have been married almost 3 years now. i just had a bombshell dropped on me. he told me that he's been struggling with bisexuality his whole life, and that he had a homosexual relationship while we were married. i feel like our marriage vows meant nothing, i mean nothing, and i am a piece of dirt. he says that his love for me never changed but that he has changed. he tells me i am still his best friend. he is willing to go to counseling. to make matters worse, the person he had the relationship with was one of my friends. he regrets it, says he's sorry, and says he's thought about suicide. he says right now he wants to focus on me and helping me deal with this. i know he still loves me but he says he doesn't know if we can sitll be married because of the homosexual lfeelings he has. i am so mad, so devastated, so broken.
i feel like there is a knife in my heart being twisted around. no kids invovled. i want to crawl into a hole and wake up knowing it never happend

Answer 1

I'm so sorry this happened to you! You definitely need counseling, for your own self-preservation. If you can handle him being there too, fine, but you have to put yourself first at the moment. He admitted being bi, and admitted a gay affair-- he's not marriage material. You may benefit from some time away from him during your counseling. Seek out friends you can TRUST for some shoulders to cry on & some nurturing.
After some time has passed, if you can be friends with him, o.k., but give yourself the time & distance to see what YOU need.

Answer 2

1) It's not your fault. It's his for not being honest with you from the beginning.
2) The fact that he has issues is not a reflection on you. You are not dirt because of what HE did. He, on the other hand...
3) You need to decide what is best for you. Will you stick with him? If not, divorce him now. There is no good time, but the sooner you can get on with your life the better.
4) Join a support group or seek counseling. There is nothing wrong with you, but you will have self confidence issues. Avoid rebound or revenge relationships.
5) Find a peaceful, romantic place and go there to get away (at least temporarily) from him and everything that reminds you of him. You need to refresh your batteries and think things through.

Good luck.

Answer 3

wow hun that is some heavy **** 2 fall on u so fast.

first of all remember this is not really about u ur hubby is seriously ****** up. Ok if he is bisexual or whatever that's fine there is really nothing u can do about who someone esle is atracted 2. but 4 him 2 live a lie like that and be a feaking cheat 2 boot well thats justs ****** up.

u need 2 step back n get urself 2gether hun. go talk 2 a councelor n work some of this **** out ur gonna need someone 2 bounce ur feelings off of n a professional is the most biased n can help u 2 make the right dicisions 4 urself.

good luck n my thoughts r with u.

Answer 4

Point number 1. Get yourself tested for all possible STDs and AIDS right away. If he just told you then chances are,it's been going on for awhile.
No.2. It is not your fault that he is Gay! Do not blame yourself or feel that your value has somehow lessened.
He is a homosexual! He may love you,but not in a sexual way.
No. 3. Marriage Counseling would be a waste of time. But, You may want to see someone to deal with your feelings of abandonment,resentment,rejection and so on.
Treat yourself as you would want to be treated. Find a nice straight male and have fun!

Answer 5

I am so sorry this happened to you. Its not your fault, its nothing you did or could have done.

Please seek out a counselor right now to help you with this process. Focus on yourself and not on him.

While he is obviously struggling and doesn't seem to want to hurt you more than he already has, you have to be selfish in this and concentrate on yourself. Suggest he get counseling by himself, but tell him he will need to leave until you are steady enough to know what steps to take next.

A word of advice. When you stop hurting you are going to get mad. Don't do anything you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Simply close him out of your life, and have a counselor help you find appropriate ways to expel that anger.

Be gentle with yourself, take your time, and always do whats best for you. At this point, you owe him nothing. Say goodbye and mean it.

Answer 6

You are not the first woman to be the victim of a low life. I call him a low life not because he thinks he is bi or gay but only because he led you into marriage he had a problem. Shame on him! If it were me I would walk out the door and never look back. He has put your health in jeopardy. Be thankful you have no kids. At least it was only 3 years you wasted on him. Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

How long have you ever been married? there is two innovations right here. the two those are themes consisting of your marriage which you the two could paintings by, or the two one in all you're upset, unwilling to paintings it out, and want out. while he pronounced it, did he say it out of anger to harm you, or purely to make it easier to be attentive to he's been worried that could be a controversy? could he stay with a marriage that doesn't have an extremely reliable component to interest, that is extra so companionship? you have instructed us all damaging issues, are there any positives interior the dating? Do you like one yet another? Do you get alongside? in case you the two intend to make it paintings, you will possibly be waiting to. perhaps try counseling. yet while one in all you is apathetic to the marriage working, it in no way will paintings. From the type you're feeling approximately it, i might propose giving it one extra try with counseling, in any different case bypass away him, considering which you deserve an entire marriage.

Answer 8

Thank God there are no children involved. Count your lucky stars. Divorce is really hard on kids even in the best of circumstances.

You will heal and get over this. If he is willing to work with you through this, I'd accept it. During counseling you will be able to get angry at him and vent. Do it. Don't hold back. Take him up on the offer and focus only on YOU.

Then happily move on with your life.

Answer 9

girl i am so sorry. that is a bombshell.as for me i think he would have to go to motel 6.i am not sharing my husband with a male of female.get you some counseling. as for him he has to be one or the other. just make sure if he tries to climb on your bed, crawl out the other side. too many things going around. good luck.remember this is nothing that you have done.it has to hurt but you will survive. he is the one letting go

Answer 10

Well, sexuality is one of those things that can be very introverted. Not to say that external forces can't play a role, but sexuality is about the self. That said, please don't beat yourself up over this, as I doubt there was anything you could do about it.

I would, however, definitely seek some counseling. I myself would want out of that situation, but that's just me. Just thank goodness that no kids were involved.