I'm 2 years married and my sex life is almost zero. At the beggining after my wife gave birth to our son she was in pain and that is understandable. But it's been 1 and half year since then and we having sex once every to weeks and that is because i spend two weeks asking her. I am so tired of begging for something like that. She cannot understand my need to make love to MY WIFE. Before the child everything was perfect, our sexlife was more than good. As a married couple we don't have any other problems. All our day is fantastic untill the time we gonna enter our bedroom. I have spoke to her so many times but she doesn't understand. She is not having another affair coz we are together almost 24 hours a day. And that is coz she wanted like that. What should i do? Devorce is not an option, i ove my family. Please Help out on this!
2006-09-26 14:23:22 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK....you'd better listen to me.....out of all these answers, listen to me!
Number 1: She doesn't have a sex drive and something is causing it. You don't mention how old you two are, but young couples that are attracted to each other should have a pretty strong sex drive if everyone is healthy. She may not be healthy....please understand this before you go out on her.
Number 2:When you find out what is causing it, do something about it. If this has started just after the baby was born, something may be messed up with her hormones. Messed up hormones can make the thought of sex sickening. It could also be an extended after birth depression. Is your wife depressed? Find out! Also, if you two are around each other 24 hours a day, that could be a problem also....she might need a little space. Have you taken care of the baby so that she can go out and be with the ladies or have time for herself?
Number 3: Are you good to her?...I know, I know.....you're saying "what the hell?".....but really, are you good to her? Do you show her respect and do little things to let her know you care? Lack of self worth can also kill a sex drive if someone "feels" unloved. Do you make love to her or do you just "have sex". Try making love.....
Number 4: Do not go out on her. How will you explain this to your daughter or son when they are old enough to know better....after your wife finds out and divorces you for it. It's not fun to find out your father went out on your mother when you were just an infant. Trust me.
Take care and go to the doctor.
Good Luck.
:-)
2006-09-26 14:54:39 · answer #1 · answered by sugarbud 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If the tables were turned and she did it to you think how it would make you feel.
You will live with guilt ever time you look into her eyes and see your beautiful baby you have with her.
Are you really ready to give that all up. She needs a reality check and saying things like I feel like your not attracted to me or your always tired is not going to do it.
She needs to know exactly how far she has driven you and you are thinking about having an affair.
This will make her realize that she needs to take time out and be more sexual. Affairs hurt people so much and if she ever found out which most people do.
You will tarnish your relationship and it is very hard on the marriage. Most couples split up after an affair because it' s too hard to gain that trust again. I
t will only lead to more problems and I don't think your ready to go down that road.
So hang in and get reconnected with her.
Try renting some movies, ask her to take a bath. I'm sure you can figure this out on your own.
Best of luck
2006-09-26 14:40:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No cheating is not the answer, not if you love your wife and child, some women though find they have no sex drive after children.It could be a hormonal thing, or it could be lack of self confidence,Some women just do not feel sexy any more, lets face having kids changes your body{ I know have I have2} and not always for the better. Have you tried asking her why she does not feel into sex? As long as she wants to want to there are things that can be done. First if she is willing try talking to her Dr, as I said it may be a hormone thing. If not that then there is always counseling.Be kind and under standing, this is most likely not about not wanting you.
2006-09-26 16:23:22 · answer #3 · answered by blue_eyed_brat78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sleep with other women only if she agrees to it. She has to know that you aren't gettign what you need (even though you guys seriously haven't been together that long and she may not totally understand where you are coming from due to that time difference). She'll either A: Be relieved as long as you set rules to come always come home and keep scheduled "family" time or B: be disgusted and and pissed off and refuse to let you get some on the side and deny you herself.... If B is the chosen path, then you may need to consider couples conseling or admit that life isn't going to work out the way you wanted. There is always option C: Get out and pay child support like a good father should. It sucks but it happens. Or D: She gets to screw around too :)
No matter what: TALK TO HER FIRST. Communication is key. Don't accuse and don't demand, just state the facts and appeal to emotions ... not hard ons.
2006-09-26 14:30:50 · answer #4 · answered by fozbend11 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it's not stated in your vowels that you made to her don't do it... I don't care what the reason is.... What do some people be thinking.. Sleeping with other people is not what you do within a marriage.. What was the purpose of getting married if you were going to sleep with someone else...
Talk to your wife.. Let her know you have needs. And if that don't work that get you a porno collection and go to sleep with those.. It takes time to get back into having sex after a baby.. I know time has passed. But that the worst feeling in the world having a baby. You know how close we come to death giving birth to children. It takes a toll on your body.. Tell her you got needs so she better get back on her job.. She'll come around... In time it will be OK, Anything can happen if you make it happen.. Go about it the right way, It's good that your a man and your holding down your family and don't want to loose them. So don't go out and do something that your going to regret..
Good Luck...............
2006-09-26 14:48:50 · answer #5 · answered by The'Truth 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No don't cheat on her. But I understand your frustration and rightfully so. There has to be a reason why she doesn't want to make love more often? Would counseling help? Is she depressed? Maybe if you two weren't together 24/7 she'd miss you and want you more. Sex is an important part of a marriage and when one partner wants it more than the other, its definitely a problem and its not just going to go away. Why not try counseling? Good luck.
2006-09-26 14:42:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is never the answer. If divorce isn't an option then cheating shouldn't be either.
If you love your family, you wouldn't even consider cheating.
Your wife may be experiencing something called Postpartum Depression; happens to a lot of women. Why don't you take her to the doctor, describe what has been occurring, and see what is going.
Also, try Web MD for more information on Postpartum Depression so you can find out more and see if it sounds like what your wife is experiencing because to me it sounds very much alike.
If it is Postpartum Depression, she can get help for that, and if not; the two of you should seek marriage counseling.
Best Wishes.
2006-09-26 14:37:35 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she's tired because of having a young baby around. Women sometimes are so tired that sex is no longer appealing by the end of the day. If you want sex, then maybe you should go out of your way to help her around the house. Maybe then she'd have some energy to have sex with you.
As for the question "Should I cheat on my wife?". Shame on you! No, you shouldn't! If you're going to have extra-marital relations, then the least you can do is divorce her. You say divorce is not an option... but cheating is?! What kind of messed up logic is that?! Cheating is never the answer. Divorce her or put up with it.
"For better or worse" remember?! Or did you forget that, already?!
2006-09-26 14:27:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all you try carrying a baby and giving birth and then caring for a baby.It is a emotionally and physically exhausting.It leaves women feeling unattractive and worn.At the end of the day all we want is to sleep as long as the child will let us.Sometimes after having a child a womans libido is low.Sometimes there are medications that will help.Do you tell her that she is beautiful?Do you make her feel special?Remember we arent like men.We cant just jump into bed and be ready to go.You have to make her want you.You have to make her feel good.Take her out,bring her flowers [doesnt even have to be bought,just pick them]And sex isnt a need,you wont die without it.[Yes its nice to have]But you will live without it.I almost believed you loved her totally and completely until you asked if you should cheat.Marriage vows say for better or for worse for a reason.So,rethink your methods.If you run out of ideas talk to her about ideas she may have or maybe seeing a doctor.Remember,If you take time to give her what she wants,you just might get what you want in return.
2006-09-26 14:36:12 · answer #9 · answered by migamw 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her about your issues and tell her that it is making you think about having an affair. That you would much much much rather be with her but you have physical needs as well. Be honest with her and see if you can work it out without risking the divorce. Don't spend so much time with each other. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. You guys need to get your own lives and still maintain yor together life. Remeber having a kid for a woman fullfills a lot of their need for touch and closeness and she probablly needs some alone time to her self with out kids and with out you. Also try not to make everything about sex and do things for her that are sexuall but that show you aren't begging for it.....Good Luck
2006-09-26 14:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by gruntman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋