This is a long story...I was involved with this other guy 7 years ago and still carry a flame for him and am sure he does for me also. We broke up for silly, immature reasons (mainly, I was young). In the meantime, I got pregnant and married my friend/boyfriend and have had 2 beautiful sons with him. I love him dearly, but we don't share any common interests other than the kids and never see (he works 12 hr days) or really communicate with each other. I feel more of a partner in parenting and roommate than what I feel a husband/wife should feel like. I grew up with an ugly divorce/custody battle and don't want that for my kids, but I feel I'm just sticking in the marriage for the kids and is that a reason to stayed married? I feel that I've already "cheated" on my husband by harboring these feelings for this other man and have gone against our vows. I don't want to hurt him or my kids. HELP I'm miserable
2006-09-26 14:09:59 · 12 answers · asked by mamasita 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to be honest with your husband.tell him how you feel.he may feel the same way. if you are unhappy the kids will know.hope this helps.good luck.
2006-09-26 14:16:04 · answer #1 · answered by mom0195 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To stay married just for the kids is a bad idea. It will only hurt them more in the long run when they grow up to learn their childhood was a lie, believe me because that is how I was brought up and it hurt me worse knowing that the whole time they pretended to love eachother and be happy when they were miserable but put up with eachother for me.
Rather then doing so, since you feel guilty and are honest about what you've done, go to your husband and explain to him how you feel. Let him know you don't see him as a loving partner but more as a roommate and you'll have to inform him about the man you've known for about 7 years. Honesty is policy, it's going to hurt him but it will hurt less if you tell the truth rather then stick with him just for your kids.
If he takes your news better then you thought, the two of you may actually, in the future, be able to work out a friendship. If you don't want there to be an ugly custody battle for your kids then you should behave in the right manner if the two of you go to court. Although, if the two of you can compromise on when one another will have the kids then you won't even have to go to court for custody.
2006-09-26 21:28:32 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you need to choose to be un-miserable. You married a great guy on the rebound and started a life with him....so what, now, flyboy has come back (or, you don't even say that....you just sound lonely and wondering if you should contact this other person) and you're wondering if you made the wrong decision?
Maybe you and your husband need to find a way to keep him from having to work his butt off and be home more. Sounds like what you're longing for is quality time, and you have the ability to help make that happen, if you want to. Or, you can take the easy way out and throw away your marriage for "happiness" (which will eventually go away).
2006-09-26 21:15:24 · answer #3 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point in your life, with two young kids, it will feel like your marriage is primarily that of two parents who "happen" to live together. BUT you need to talk to eachother about arranging time together, and communicating in every way possible.
You may not see him much in the day, but can you call or e-mail eachother? Even just saying or writing "I'm thinking about you" can help you feel connected.
It's easy to imagine the impulsive, romantic relationship that you MAY have with the other guy. Think about it. Do you KNOW that he would be as good of a husband and father as the your husband is now??
2006-09-26 21:23:37 · answer #4 · answered by katnkaboodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is tough to answer. But nobody can truly help you with it. But a good person to talk to is your mom. Moms may not say what you want to hear, but they say what needs to be said. They usually have a knowledge about stuff like this. My mom has helped me numerous times. If this does not help you then think on this, how would you feel if you husband was in the same situation. Wouldn't you want to know about it, even if it meant divorce? If so, tell your husband. Maybe he will understand and you can settle this out together.
2006-09-26 21:32:40 · answer #5 · answered by U know u love me! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The grass isn't always greener on the other side.... are you willing to risk it ALL for something that you tried once and it didn't work?
Let's say you get together with this old flame of yours.... after a few years don't you think your gonna feel the same about him like you currently feel towards your husband?
Just my thoughts...
2006-09-26 21:36:23 · answer #6 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, what's your reason for a divorce? you just said that you love him right? why don't you find something of common interest? you don't wait for that to happen, you look for it. you say he works 12hrs/day? i'm sure he has a day off, why don't you ask him out for a family day? your lucky he works hard for your family. does it has to be your husband who will always initiate something?
if you really care about your relationship & your family, don't let them go through what you've experienced before. do something to make it work & survive!
divorce is a LOSER'S lame excuse that they don't want to do their share in keeping a family together. and for the love of your kids, please forget about the other guy. A mistake will not be corrected by another mistake.
2006-09-26 21:27:05 · answer #7 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should talk with your husband. See how he feels about your relationship. If you truly love him, then talk openly & honestly. Maybe you will find a way to work through it all. Don't give up yet.
2006-09-26 21:20:38 · answer #8 · answered by breezesbaby2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will be easy for everyone including me to say that stay away from him
but i know it will not be easy
but i will advise you to try, save your marriage talk to your hus
about your relationship (yours & his)
and listen to what he says so you can make the correct decission
Good Luck
2006-09-26 21:16:43 · answer #9 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've heard the old saying-YOU MADE YOUR BED NOW LIE IN IT.....make the best of what you have & be happy.
2006-09-26 21:29:32 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋