Does my ex wife deserve a second chance?

Question

We were seperated since March, & divorced in July. We have no kids, but I went through a painful divorce since she insisted on it. I remember begging her so much to give me a second chance since I had anger issues & promised I will change, but no use. She also thought we couldnt understand each other. She made me go through hell, & resulted in a painful divorce for me.

Just met her dad yesterday, & he explained how miserable she is right now. Told me about how her friends were using her, & how she changed the job that I hated so much. She doesnt tell him if she misses me or not, but both her mom & dad can realize that she is sad & that she wants her old life back. Ex wife contacted me recently as well, since she knew I was leaving town. She was acting sweet & telling me that she always cared about me.

In the end, her dad asked me to try & get close to her again & reestablish the relationship. He wishes that we remarry.

I still do love her, but its really hard to forgive & forget.

You can go through my history to see more details regarding the painful process I went through, & to understnad what I mean by its hard to forgive & forget.

Answer 1

Do it because you want to. Yes, everyone deserves a second chance. You were begging for one weren't you? Things change after you have had a break from each other. You will never know unless you try it.

You're right about the forgive and forget. I have forgiven a lot with people in my life, but they have of me too. Forget?...forget it! We always remember, you just have to learn how to deal with it.

You could and more than likely wind up with the same scenario down the road,but...people can change.

So, I say try it, but be very careful and watch her behavior. When you see something you know needs to be discussed then don't wait...do it then. See where she stands with it and if she goes back to her same old self and you don't see she is trying to learn new habits of behavior then BE DONE ...and move on! Period!

Answer 2

Only you can decide if you can open your heart again to your ex-wife. It's hard to let someone go when you know deep in your heart you didn't do everything you could to save the relationship the very first time. It won't hurt for you and your ex to try to be friends again, and reacquaint with each other and take everything slowly and see where things lead you. Don't have to jump into hasty decisions.

Also, remember that it's hard for people to change--so if there are certain things about her that you can't stand/forgive, they're never going to go away. However, people can make changes in their lives such as a new job, hang out with new friends that may influence them positiviely. Relationships work not because two people are perfect--they work because each party knows how to compromise. Try and figure out the factors that made your relationship fail in the first place. If she is willing to resolve them with you in a way that you find acceptable, then it's worth another try.

I believe that if you love a person, you can learn to forgive. You may not forget, but you can learn to move on and look forward to the future, and not focus too much on the past anymore. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you went through hell during that time you are both together that even until now you have not forgiven or forgotten the pain then move on. People does not change overnight or have a turn around 360 degrees unless you are prepared to suffer again then give her a chance. But if you still have doubts, then maybe you should look forward and not turn back to the old life you shared with your previous wife.

Answer 4

While I would not ever give my ex another shot at tearing me apart, you may not feel the same way.

If you feel that she is sincere and really does love you, then you need to decided on your own if you can go through it again. You do not have to forget, but the forgiveness is going to be difficult enough.

Have you ever thought that she may miss being married - but not married to you? Sometimes women feel lost and worthless after a divorce. She may just miss being part of a couple.

I really don't know how you could open yourself to her again and trust her. She ripped you apart the first time. Why in the world would you give her another chance to do it again?

Answer 5

I wish it would work, but looking at my own break up, not even a divorce, I can see why it wouldn't work for me and probably won't for you. Like you say, its hard to forgive and forget, and starting a relationship without a clean slate is a good way to hurt yourself again. You will always have her leaving hanging over your head, and that will make it hard if not impossible to act naturally, without worrying that any little thing you say will tip her over the edge and leave you alone again. In the end its your call, no one likes being unhappy, just be wary of setting your own trap.

Answer 6

No.1 Daddy has no reason to be involved it is between you and her. No.2 if your not sure you can forgive and let it all go, then you'll just end up right back where you are now. She wanted you to change, was she willing to make any changes besides her job to help it work this time. Another point to consider if tit didn't work out the first time there is only a slim chance it will work out now.

Answer 7

What is her father the go-between between you and her? He may have good intentions, but ultimately, its up to you whether or not you choose to give her a 2nd chance. You are still going to have the same issues you did when you were married. I say, move forward with your life. You said she made you go through hell and had a very painful divorce. Whose to say the same thing wouldn't happen all over again. Your divorced now. Give yourself time to get over all of the turmoil. Its your choice of course, but I don't think it would be in your best interest to go back with her.

Answer 8

Marriage is a covenant not a contract. That is why you were so torn up with the divorce.

Not only is marriage about forgiveness, all of life is about forgiveness. We all make bushels of mistakes and will continue to do so. Since we need forgiveness, it is imperitive that we also give forgiveness.

By all means forgive, learn from this major mistake and start with a clean slate. A marriage is priceless and deserves to be saved if at all possible.

Answer 9

I think people get together after this kind of break up because the pain is familiar and safe and they don't know how to live otherwise.

It doesn't sound like anything has changed in either of you, so wouldn't the outcome be exactly the same.

Why don't you just skip it, and move on. I think in the long run, you will have a better chance at happiness.

Answer 10

It is hard to find true unconditional love,if you feel you have this with her,you both have to work on the problems and you can't go on till you forgive and forget,it may make the relationship a lot better the sedond time around!