Yet, we have a great time together, we get along, we do things, and I love her, but I just don't have any interest in having sex.
2006-09-26 12:01:54 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't tell your wife that you are not physically attracted to her. She is your wife and as you said you get along and do things and enjoy being together. Marriages that last go through periods like this, so don't worry about it and make it bigger than it probably is.
2006-09-26 12:05:09 · answer #1 · answered by pre-pastor 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not trying to place blame on anyone, but why is it you dont feel the attraction any more. Did she gain or loose weight? What is it? If you can identify the reason it may help you understand the answer. If its something she cant control I am not sure I would be able to tell you how to tell her.........but, if she has gained a lot of weight and she knows this is an issue then I think having a discussion with her about how its really not turning you on anymore would be good. She at least needs to know why. And again, if its something she can fix, perhaps she will. Ok, heres the really off the wall question. Are you attracted to other women or perhaps men? Please dont be offended at the men thing. Its just that it happens. It happens to men and to women. They get married and are happy and have a family and at some point realize that their spouse isnt doing it for them anymore and its b/c they are gay. Just a thought or two from the peanut gallery. In the meantime, enjoy the best friend you have in her. Best of luck.
2006-09-26 12:07:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow.. I'm really not sure how you should apprach that topic with your wife. No matter how you word it, or how nice you say it.. she is going to be offended, and her self-esteem will quite likely take a major blow.. So, you should be very aware of her possible reactions, as well as how her opinion of herself could change, drastically.
I do feel that you should be honest with her, and not hide your feelings from her. But at the same time, I feel sad for how she is probably going to feel afterwards.
May I ask, what has changed that caused you to not think she's attractive anymore? Did she gain/lose a lot of weight recently? If her weight has anything to do with your lack of desire to be with her intimately, then I highly recommend that when you do talk with her, don't make her weight the main point..
Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should make up a different reason, if her weight is the reason.. But I also think you need to really take some time to think about how you want to approach her about that, and also take into consideration how hurt she is going to be.
I'm not sure what you should say, cause I really don't think that there is any easy way of saying to your wife that you no longer find her physically attractive. That's going to hit her hard..
You know, a person's "attractiveness" is so much deeper than how they look on the outside. I would think that if she has qualities about her personality that you are attracted to, then that should in a way, make you attracted to her.. I really hope that you realise that no matter how she looks, or what size she is.. she is still the same person, the person you fell in love with, and married. So, please.. think about that before you say something that could cause some serious harm to your relationship. Maybe you need to adjust your feelings about what is "attractive" before you say something. You may be able to fix the issue, before it even has to be discussed.. Just try to remember why you fell in love with her.
But, if it's not her weight that is the problem.. then what is it? Have you just lost all interest in sex in general? I won't lie, I do think that would be a lot better than the other choice.. But of course, you need to go with the truth here. But, if you have lost interest completely, but not because of her.. then that is something that the two of you, as a couple, can look into.
I really hope everything works out for you two!
Take care, and God bless you!
2006-09-26 12:27:28 · answer #3 · answered by Debbie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be honest with her. You should let her know you still love her, but often fantasize about what she was like when you first met. Make her remember the good times, describe it to her in detail, tell her how she made you feel and express your wish to feel that again (with her!). You also may want to help her in an 'elegant' way. Convince her that your family needs to eat more healthy food, ask her to join you to the gym or a tennis class, buy her sexy outfits - they'll make her want to look good enough to wear them. And don't forget the most important part - your brains. It's not all about the sexy body, you know. Desire begins in the mind. So does romance. I'm sure you're both stressed, perhaps overwhelmed with daily routine and worries. You should find a way to escape that and find yourselves again. Be patient. Marriage takes work and time. Just start taking small steps towards a better marriage. You both have to work on it. Cheating is not a good option, it will make you both miserable in the end.
2016-03-27 12:04:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to buy her a nice lacy lingerie or a nice dress. It would mean so much to her and it implies a simple message that you want to see her beautiful and sexy always. In that way, you will not hurt her feelings and she will get the cue without being hurt or let down. Finally sex, is not at all times spontaneous. Sometimes both you and your wife needs to work it out. If you love your wife, you will be sensitive to her needs as well as your own. Marriage is more than just the two of you. Don't focus on your needs only perhaps she also has her opinion or side of the matter.
2006-09-26 12:09:39 · answer #5 · answered by gvpocon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest *NOT* saying that to her. It would be very hurtful and if you truly love her and want to stay together, you will spare her that humiliation.
Is there something in particular about her to which you are no longer attracted? Has she gained a lot of weight? If yes, instead of saying 'you know, I am not really attracted to your flab," suggest outings together that involve physical activity. Tell her that you want the both of you to focus on improving and maintaining your health b/c you want to be around for each other for a long time.
If it is just purely a non-interest in sex that has nothing to do with her, you might get checked out by a medical Dr. There may be a reason why your libido is waning.
2006-09-26 12:06:14 · answer #6 · answered by J.Z. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How 'bout that nice little 7-letter word....HONESTY.
Then, stand by her and help her through whatever feelings she has about it.
I've always said, don't ever lie to me! Regardless as to whether it is good, bad or indifferent...tell me the full truth and if it is bad...then stand by me and help me through it.
What is your reason for your not having interest in sex anymore? Is it with her only or completely?
Are you wanting out of the marriage entirely, or just out of the sexual part of it??
Alot of marriages remain very happy without actual sex...but they have a close, loving, relationship that fills in that gap....and they maintain that for many years.
Is it because of something that has changed about her...her appearance/ her attitude? her desires? What is it that has caused you to come to this startling revelation that you are no longer physically attracted to her anymore? How long have you been married? Have you gotten into that mid-life marriage rut?
Are you attracted to in any way? Emotionally? For companionship? What?
Don't do it in a spiteful way when you tell her....although, she probably has an idea anyway if you have felt this way for some time.
Be prepared to explain your full reasons for feeling this way and expect her reaction to not be one of joy and gladness. This is a very heavy blow you are abiout to lay on her. Do with with tact.
Good Luck.
2006-09-26 12:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't.That is the worst thing you could ever tell her.You must be one of those men that expects their wives to look like a movie star or something.The truth is you have a sexual problem so get some Viagra.If your cheating stop and your attraction for your wife should return.Try and picture what attracted you to her in the first place.
2006-09-26 16:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do please don't tell her. Your condition might be temporary or maybe you aren't feeling well or have some worries in life. A huge array of things can distract you from feeling sexy and the way you both felt in the past. Talk to her and find out how she feels about you 2 and keep in mind that sex isn't the entire foundation of a relationship. I don't care what the media implies or what doctors say, It doesn't matter. What matters is honesty and trust and not being afraid to express your concern no matter what it is.
2006-09-26 12:16:52 · answer #9 · answered by djprall 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The ingredience...to bring the tiger back in the bed:
1. A Piece of raw chicken.
2. 3 Marshmellows.
3. 1 buttered pork chop.
4. A can of pickles w/ BBQ sauce.
5. 1 sliced fuji apple.(in half)
Good luck.
2006-09-26 12:19:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋