To my mother I'm still her 8 year old lil boy that she left. When she divorced my dad. I Know she wants to make up for lost time, she tells me she loves me I know she does.
I feel the need to defend her somewhat. In the same sense I didn't hear from her for a long time then I had to magically understand what her being Gay leaving me and my leaving dad was all about.
I get it now the gay part, I don't know if she thinks I feel she failed as a mom becasue she went to be with a woman, or what. I don't think that, I was pissed she was gone , now she is trying to make up for it and force me to respect this other chic she's been with or
You know what I don't get it at all is it possible to love someone and want nothing to do with them.
2006-09-26 11:06:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I am actually off My Life but thanks for the reproach. I knew I'd be on here for a while so I waited. But it sounds like a letter is in order. So I think I'll do that,
I wrote another ? because I don't want to paint this picture of my mother being a Monster or something you know.
2006-09-26 11:19:57 · update #1
it sound to me (this just being me) that maybe you're angry with her but you're also curious. i think you should sit down and write a nice long letter to your mom letting her know how you feel and then decide. sometimes i'm not sure how i feel about my mom. she put me through hell and she was stright. but as an adult i've learned being a parent isn't easy. you have to make decisions that you think is best and deal with the consequences. so i've forgiven her for much of my heartache and pain. i feel better and i did just as i told you, i wrote several letters. try to open your heart and see if yall can connect . good luck
2006-09-26 11:16:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My father left my mother with no warning when I was sixteen. As far as I'm concerned, there are some bridges you just can't rebuild once they're burnt, and since I wasn't the one with the match, that's not for me to regret. So (to carry this metaphor a little further) we wave at each other across the canyon, but we'll never be on the same side again. It's kind of sad, but so is a lot of stuff I can't change, like hurricanes and famines and earthquakes.
You didn't leave your mother. She left you. If that has damaged your relationship, then that's the price she pays for the choice she made. Every choice we make in life has a price. It's a shame the two of you are still paying it, but some things can't be undone.
2006-09-26 11:25:40 · answer #2 · answered by lcraesharbor 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible to love someone and want nothing to do with them. Your mother needs to respect you for who you are (and not someone who is 8 years old). And she really can't force you to respect her new partner. Respect is earned and that's her partner's responsibility.
Sounds like you have a lot of feelings going on. Tell her you need some space if that's what you want. Divorce is hard to deal with for everyone involved. We are all individual in the amount of time it takes to deal with these things. Trying to have a relationship when you're heart isn't in it could just cause more problems. You take the time you need and let her deal with her stuff. You deserve to be happy.
2006-09-26 11:25:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly is possible, and quite common. You owe your Mom nothing, but don't turn down an open hand, either. There is no reason not to be at least neutral towards your mom's lover, and who knows, perhaps you would like her...but there is no way your mother can "force" you to have any kind of feelings for her...that either comes naturally or it doesn't. We all go through life doing some things we wish we didn't have to, it will happen to you too. Take it in stride, be nice, and if you do not enjoy your mom's company, no one says you have to partake. Good luck
2006-09-26 11:18:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to feel disconnected from this woman....honestly, you can still love your mom and not like her at the same time....and she shouldn't be forcing the reason why she left you(other chick) down your throat while at the same time feeling guilty for leaving in the first place....tell her that you need time, because her feeling guilty is not an excuse to push herself back into a life that she abandoned...don't feel bad for her, it's her mistake, not yours
2006-09-26 11:16:17 · answer #5 · answered by BoMbS_aWaY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh darlin' I completely know what that's like!
I Adore my Mother....FROM A DISTANCE!
I lover her, respect her, am appreciative of what she did for me in raising me, but I want nothing to do with her in my adult life!
We had our good times and bad, but unfortunately the bad has taken over my mother's life and I simply want no part of it.
We talk on the phone often, because she's still my Mother and I do love her. I just don't want to live near her or see her on any kind of regular basis.
Granted this also means that I don't get to see my Dad either, as they're still married after 44 yrs.
My Mom can be really manipulative and mean spirited. She can be very demanding and bitchy, so I choose to not see her with any regularity. My Dad used to argue with her all the time, now he just ignores her when she gets like that. But he's no saint either. He has his awful side as well. He tends to bellow and holler a lot.
Their influence in screaming rubbed off on me for a really long time. It's taken me years to learn to not raise my voice when frustrated.
I have a naturally really loud voice as it is, when I get loud it can be very scary to anyone in listening distance. I don't like to scare anyone I care about, so I've learned to control my voice.
Spending even one hour on the phone with my Mother, and I can't speak to anyone for at least two until her influence wears off.
Yeah, I totally understand.
2006-09-26 11:13:00 · answer #6 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like I've told you before, it doesn't matter if she left you for a man or a woman, she should've not done that. Somewhat I understand that she was pressured. It feels horrible to be with someone you don't love. But anyway, it's understandable how you feel. You love her because she's your mother, but you just don't want her to be around...it's absolutely understandable. Talk to her, tell her what you just told us.
God bless.
2006-09-26 11:49:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is possible to love someone and want nothing to do with them. If anyone tells you different, they are either an idiot or they have never been there.
You are just going to have to be honest with your mom and go from there. What you might need right now is time to take it all in and reevaluate what you need in your relationship with your mom.
Good Luck!
2006-09-26 11:11:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you won't get another mother and it sounds like she's really trying to make ammends for her behaviour....Yes it's very possible to love someone and want nothing to do with them. Love and hate are two very closely related things..Just remember that your mother won't always be around...clear things up with her now...try to understand each other...life is far too short...Maybe you didn't hear from her for a long time because she was trying to protect you...maybe she was wrong...people do make mistakes...
2006-09-26 11:27:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes its too painful to deal with... Remember how god never gives you too much that you can handle. Well people also know what will do them in as well......... Maybe it would have been beyond what she could have handled.....
2006-09-26 11:16:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋