given up hope?

Question

I am so lost, I have no money to pay my bills this month, i lost a crappy paying job, unjustly (they went against their own policies to terminate me), I was supposed to start school soon, and wont be able to do that, because I gave up the loans when my parents offered to pay for me to go to school, but now they have backed out of it, (why i'm not sure, they have excuses, but they dont make much sense since they are the ones who convinced me to go to school). my jerk of a exfiancee moved three hours away this summer, without even as much as discussing it with me, knowing that i would not have enough money to go, since i've never had a very good paying job. i'm so depressed that i find myself crying all too often, and i AM looking for a job, but i'm not sure i'm qualified for that much other then just crappy retail type jobs. I need to move out of my parents house, but i have no where to go, no real friends, nothing. is it a hopeless cause?

Answer 1

You have a bunch of things that have gone bad, so there's real reason to feel miserable. On top of that, being all stressed out gets brain "chemicals" going that make it hard to concentrate and that can make you feel even more helpless, anxious, and hopeless.

The thing about bad situations is that one thing can lead to another, and they can snowball in a bad direction. Snowballing in a good direction also happens, though, and to start a new snowball in a new direction you have to take small steps.

Figure out what you can't do anything about right now and put it aside. It is school you have to just decide you can go later. (You may want to contact a bunch of financial aid places to see if you can get any help. Sometimes states have programs where they allow people in a certain type of need of go to a state school or an indpendent program that is approved by the state without having to pay tuition. Look on your state's government/education website to see if there's anything like that.) Also, some companies will pay tuition for you to take courses nights. Its not fast, but its better than nothing; and you'd be surprised how courses add up to a degree in a shorter time than it seems when you first decide to go this route.

Forget the fiance. You don't want to be with someone who dumps you over their opinion of your job. If you find another job, and you will, you'll meet more people who may be people who can introduce you to other people. If you go to school the same thing can happen.

Try to find a job at a company other than retail. Retail jobs don't offer much. There are jobs at companies where people assemble things, answer phones, pack up stuff to be shipped, work in the cafeteria, whatever..... If you work for a company that pays tuition and give you good benefits that's a big thing.

I don't know if you're a young woman or young man, but places like UPS pay reasonably well for people who are willing to work shifts other than a day shift (or for day shifts). You could look into working for the Post Office. Hospitals may need someone to do any number of things.

You say that you "gave up" loans for school. Can you "un-give-them-up"? Apparently you were qualified for some kind of help. Look into that again. Talk with the school and ask for ideas or help in your situation.

If you break up the problems into those that you can take even some small step to fix and those you can't do anything about, you can reduce your problems without doing anything other than sorting out the ones you can't do anything about right now. If you figure out why you can't do something and what you would need in order to do something you will know what the first step needs to be. Young people need help. You have to talk to people who are in the business of helping people who need to go to school. You can talk with agencies who help people find jobs, and you can go to every company you can get to, every hospital in your area, and every store (if necessary) to find work.

You may have to just assume your parents honestly have good reason for not being able to help you with the money situation (maybe something changed, maybe something happened that made them think you're not serious, etc.), forgive them, and decide to stay in their home a little while longer. If they can't help you with money for school they can at least help you with offering you a place to live until you get established.

If you had to, once you find a job you could look for a room to rent in a house where someone rents to decent people.

Remind yourself that you are young, and for most young people getting educated and getting a good job and becoming established in their own place takes a little time.

When it comes to the bills you can either talk to the people you owe money and see if you can work out a payment plan or some kind of arrangement (List the debts on a sheet of paper and call and talk to each one to see if there's a way to work something out with them; record the results of the call on the sheet so you'll know who you'll be sending a little money to and who gets nothing.
Listing your bills on a sheet of paper helps get them out of your mind and into some organized way that will help your mind see them in that more organized way.) If you have bills you can't pay at all just decide you'll put them aside and not pay them, and try not to worry about them right now. Once you get a job you should be able to work out payment arrangements to keep the situation from getting worse. If your credit gets damaged the only thing you can do is work to rebuild it. Its not ideal, but rebuilding credit can be done. You're young. If you find a job there's always the chance you may be able to get loan to pay off the old stuff and turn the old bills into one monthly payment.

Keep reminding yourself you're in a temporary situation and that part of the reason things look so bad is that you're under the influence of stress hormones/chemicals.

Think about looking for a way to make an "extra income" too. Whether you get a full-time job, go to school, or not; some things are good ways to get extra income. Think about what you can do to earn something extra and consider doing that too.

I think you should aim to get the school matter straightened out if at all possible. That's the most important thing. If it turns out you have to wait you may not have much choice, but really look into all possible ways of paying for school and see if you can at least get started with that.

Finally, make time in each day/night to do something that gets your mind off everything and just lets you laugh or relax. Make it a point to watch a couple of sitcoms you like. Laughing changes your chemistry. Listen to some uplifting or pretty music. Make it a point to get out and be in the sun and/or fresh air.

Answer 2

go to your doctor/school/free clinic etc. You need to talk to someone unbiased about you. Right now your stressed and are in no shape to go to school. First you need to pay your bills. Once you are working retail - yes your going back - then you'll be out of your parents hair and feel more in control. Start saving some money to get yourself a little hole in the wall...can you rent from a friend's parents? Rent from an Aunt or Uncle? Any hole in the wall will do. Meanwhile, speaking to a councellor about a game plan. How about being a live in Nanny. You could work part-time on weekends or nights and live at the home. You gonna' get another loan? Any scholarships? Worst comes to worst join the army as a paper-pusher/secretary. Save Saturday night to go dancing, read at the library, bookstore or meet up with friends. Take a bellydancing lesson, lose weight and make girlfriends.

Isn't it more interesting to live with problems than do die into nothingness? What other than dying is the worst that can happen?

PS Check your pocket for a dollar to buy a lottery ticket. Anything can happen tomorrow....and somebody cares

Answer 3

It is only hopeless because you spend so much time dwelling on your problems instead of doing something about them. As for your parents backing out I have a feeling there is something more to this story than you are sharing. If I am wrong, then they are flakey and you should have never relied on them in the first place for something so important as school. Apply for another loan, go next semester.

Get another job even if its retail. It will just be a cashflow situation to get you to where you want to be, which is a college graduate. Then you can kiss all the low-paying jobs goodbye. Tons of people do this, they work long hours at jobs just pay bills and go to college. Apply for grants, scholarships and live in the dorms or get a couple of roommates.

Sorry about your ex-fiance. At least you found out what his true feelings were before you walked down. Chin up. Things will get better. You are only young once. Don't waste these years on self-pity.

Answer 4

Not quite hopeless. As soon as you are diagnosed with cancer and your legs are amputated by mistake in a simple examination which required anesthesia, and the hospital has just gone bankrupt... then you can consider it about hopeless.

There is no way, given the events you describe that you would not be depressed, and remorseful. Perhaps even angry. However, if you can take a few minutes and consider reality for a moment, all that is happening "to you" is due you for reasons you cannot know. What is happening is Karmic, and thus, due you .... and even worse, you chose it to happen before you entered this life. This knowledge in no way eliminates what is happening, but it should place it in a perspective for you where there is no one to blame but yourself. So, you are doing the correct thing in grieving quite a bit. But do so with gusto, as loud as you can without frightening people, grieve for yourself.

Feel as bad as you need to feel, and then ask around for work.
Begin with anyone you know, including your parents. Keep in mind that this entire situation is an opportunity for you to move out of your comfort zone, and into new ways of being . Determine to do whatever work you get as well as you possibly can. It's time for you to "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps".

Reach deep within yourself and touch that scary power that lies mostly untapped by most people. Be determined to succeed...and do not allow yourself to entertain any thought that does not support your success. If you can do this, you will be surprised at how "life" reaches out to you in ways unexpected.

Peace

Answer 5

There is always hope. First, stop crying, it doesn't change the situation- only for the worse. Try to find one job- even temporary- and put a target in your life. You can become wiser from this experience. Don't make the same mistakes again. Continue the school, it is really important. Discuss with your parents who important it is for you. I'm sure they will help you. Good luck!

Answer 6

It's time to back up and regroup. Take a day to do nothing but relax and get away from everything and everyone. Be alone for a day with nature. Then go back and kick some butt. Reset your priorities of what you need to do and what you want to do. Then do it. Remember don't sweat the small stuff. If it's not going to kill or cause grave bodily harm, or be detrimental to the general health and well being of yourself it's small stuff. College can be taken later in life if needed. You can always find a new boyfriend. It is you and your sanity that is number one. Take care of number one!

Answer 7

There are many.... the first one that comes to mind is PG's "Don't Give Up" with Kate Bush's amazing lead vocal on the choruses. Her "Running Up That Hill (a Deal with God)" and "The Big Sky" both have an optimistic quality to my way of thinking. "Natural Science" by Rush has a good sort of 'neutral' positive energy. It's better for times when I don't have one specific situation that's getting me down; if I'm just feeling sorta blue in general, that's one song that can have a reassuring presence.

Answer 8

its only hopeless if you think it is. that kind of thinking really will hold u back. so what if u have to take a crappy job for now, its not forever. dream big and go after it

Answer 9

Yes, Hope said bye to you a long time ago. Just let it all go. Stop thinking about it. I like to get drunk, or smoke pot.

Listen, If they are giving you such a hard time that means they dont care about you, So you shouldnt care about them. F^%# EM!!!!!

Just stop caring,You will be ok.