Future Italian mother in law does not like me?

Question

Is there anything i can do i am 23 years old and engaged to my college sweet heart who is 25 and his mom does not like me i feel so bad. I am spanish but I do know how to make Italian food as well as other types of foods and asked her for maybe a few pointers because i know i am not perfect she just gave me a dirty look. At the end of the meal i asked if she wanted any help and she said no very firmly.Then she went off on me about grandchildren and working mothers!I told her i did want children and that i would probably want to stay home while they were babies and little but want a part time while they were at school she accused me of sounding like a bad future mother for not wanting to be a stay at home mom!

I have treated her with the utmost respect and she still hates me!I dont know why this did not start till we were engaged?!

i feel really hurt by this the rest of the family seems fine i am actually friend with his sister and have been since grammer school!?

I am a decent cook , i know how to clean, and do laundry/iron.

Answer 1

Well, it is a typical reaction. You will just have to breathe, give her space and prove that you can make her little boy happy and you are not going to blow up the house or hurt him. It will take time. My best friend hated her son-in-law with a passion until her granddaughter was born and now they are very close. Don't worry. I am still waiting on my mother to warm up and tolerate my hubby...it is a slow go sometimes. But they will pay attention to how well or badly you deal with it, believe me...

Answer 2

Mother In Law In Italian

Answer 3

Ask your fiance' why his mom doesn't like you first. If he doesn't give an answer, perhaps a friendly, respectful talk with future mom-in-law is in order. First you have to understand that for some people, nobody is ever good enough for their children. It isn't personal! She may also have concerns about you two getting married at such a young age. ( Frankly, my mom would have shot me if I'd wanted to get married at 23.) Also, think back and try to remember if there was a time that you might have said or done something she may have found off-putting. I mentioned to my future mom-in-law that I didn't want children. Big mistake since she wanted grandchildren and I was the elected brood mare.
Perhaps you should mention to her that she did a great job of raising your bf because he is so caring, kind, has integrity, etc... and you hope your future kids turn out so beautifully. It's hard not to bask in that kind of compliment. Perhaps with an open dialogue, you can understand why she is being so cold towards you. Tell her that you love her son very much and his happiness is important to you. Then tell her that having her approval and respect is important to you and how much it would mean to both you and your bf if she accepted you. Make it clear that you have the utmost respect for her as well and that should go a long way. She must be a decent woman underneath it all if she managed to raise a great son. Last but not least, have your bf get in the game and try to smooth the way for you. He needs to make it clear to mom that your feelings are important to him and stand by you. She may be just be feeling left out because he isn't HER little boy anymore and it's hard for some parents to let go. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

OK -- you already put forth an attitude in this question (and one not designed to help establish a stable and complimentary relationship with his mother). I'll tell you this -- with you already being pregnant (and not telling her -- but she already KNOWS -- believe me ... it shows), and to be NOT willing to listen to the mother who LOVED and CARED for And RAISED this son to adulthood, to not talk to her like a FUTURE Daughter would (and yes, you ARE marrying into the family -- and as a Matriarch, she should be treated with respect)...... Well, you get where I am coming from -- and you are behaving and responding badly to her efforts to reach out to you. What in your youthful arrogance is seeing as an attack on your ego or choices is really the care and concern of a mother -- one who wants the best for her son. When you are deceptive about the reasons for marrying into the family - then you are causing a problem -- have you told the mother or his parents about the pregnancy -- the REASON the marriage is being RUSHED along? Have you and your fiance sat down and drawn up a Pre-Nuptial Agreement, one which is FAIR and Equitable -- and yes, YOUR previous Relationships IS a key to your FUTURE behaviors (I, personally know many a female who married/divorced (after taking lots of money), married/divorced another (after taking him for lots of money), married/divorced another (more taking of money) ... etc -- and they are DISGUSTING to any mother -- and a VERY SERIOUS problem to sons that they have LOVED and CARED for and RAISED to adulthood -- much less the family that these predatory tramps victimize), and you have the AUDACITY to WANT to confront HER (The Mother)???? THINK about all I have said first -- then start evaluating your situation. REALIZE this -- YOU will be causing a RIFT in the FAMILY That will last a lifetime -- and YOUR ATTITUDE can either make or break this FAMILY APART -- And FAMILY is FAMILY -- they are the ones there after those predatory tramps get done destroying the good men -- the ones who ARE doing everything right and morally and who are STOMPED on by the tramps' actions that destroy their Brother, Son, Nephew, whatever. They are the RARITY -- the Responsible male. DONT destroy this family relationship or cause a rift between the mother and the son she RAISED and CARED for/Loved! DO be HONEST about EVERY THING -- pregnancy, your desires for a family life, look at your past behaviors (and if you have had many -- stop please and START changing for the better), and BOTH you and your fiance need to develop a pre-nup -- if only because YOU DO LOVE each other in Actuality, and NEED this protection to STRENGTHEN The BOND between you that will be shared in the Marriage Rite.

Answer 5

I wouldn't worry about your soon to be mother in law. If she doesn't like you then oh well. All that matter is that your fiancee loves you. His parents don't have too.Some mother in laws just act like that. Maybe she doesn't like you for some reason? Since your future mom in law won't teach you how to cook certain foods ask your fiancee if he could teach you how to cook Italian foods and other foods that you are wanting to cook. Maybe you can have your friends or family member help you out. Don't try to impress her by doing things just be yourself. If she didn't want any help with anything after the meal was over i wouldn't ask to help her with anything anymore. Just show her you can be just as rude as she is. You won't be a bad future mother. Most moms do stay at home while the little one is growing up. And usually when they do start school moms do go back to work. Good luck with everything. Hopefully everything will work out and the mother in law will learn to accept you.

Answer 6

ya know, there are some mothers out there who just cant let go!! you will never be able to impress her and she will never be happy with anyone (as a daughter in law), sure she may be fine at the start, but it will all come out in the end. You are obviously a threat to her, so take all that and smile because you are good at what you do, you are a good cook, you will be an awesome mother and wife and she cant stand it!!!! So hold your head up high and laugh as i am doing, she is so jealous of you, and the opportunities you have

Answer 7

Listen hun its not you by any means...its just Italian women are way over protective of their sons...and let me tell you here(I am living in italy with my husband who is italian) all they do is cook and clean. They do look down on anyone that feels like they want to do something other then stay in the house everyday. She will never be happy with you if you work. Thats her problem though not yours. Let her steam and you continue being you. Don't try and change for this woman..remember you are marrying him not his mother.

p.s. they normally don't allow guest to help clean up...but don't be surpised when she comes to your home she will be wanting to clean up...they are like that...been here 5 years I know!

Answer 8

Always remember you don't sleep with her. There is only one person that you need to keep happy and that is your mate. If the mother doesn't like you so be it. You cant please everyone. I know how much you want her to like you, but sometime it just doesn't work that way. Stop trying. When you go over her house to eat dinner, be polite and sweet but don't kiss her butt and don't ask her for any other pointers. Let her start the conversation. If your mate can handle you not knowing how to cook well, that's all you want. Please you mate you don't have to please the parents.

Answer 9

If he is close to his family, then break-up now and avoid the misery. My wife and I had a great relationship, but her parents didn't like me and she was close to them. We even moved 1100 miles away from them and they still got involved in our relationship. Eventually it broke us up and now we are going thru a nasty divorce.

Answer 10

Obviously no one is good enought for her son. Get over it, or get out. It's obvious it can only get worse.