So my Mom and I were talking and she felt that if I would have stayed with her and her GF I would be would grown up to be a better guy, and married and have a house and all this crap that I don't even want right now. (I'm 26 Graduated college I have a great job I'm fine)
It like she resents the fact that my dad raised me by himself for 10 years and then got married. He and my step-mom raised me.
I don't think her and her GF could have raised me, especially with me knowing I have a father thats wanted to be in my life. So my Moms GF got on the phone and attacked me telling me, not to disrespect my mom and who she is, by saying I was better off with my dad. I told her GF the same thing.
It just seems like it is becoming harder and harder to connect with my mom cause everytime we talk this Gay issue comes up, I clam up, she gets defensive and here comes her GF to the rescue, it's damaging our relationship I don't know what to do. I really don't like her GF at all.
2006-09-26 10:34:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hey my life how are you, Thanks. Its like when I've had it, I come on yahoo just to see if someone can spark a new Idea for me cause I am tired of this.
She wants me to come for Thanksgiving and I'm really like Hell No, I'm going to Grandmas, Plus her cooking is way better. But I am so tired of this. I respect her becasue she's my mom but whatever.
2006-09-26 10:50:09 · update #1
Hey Justine I was just talking about her and her GF raising me. I was not making a Generalization. But personally I don't feel like they could have. So didn't mean to offend you.
2006-09-26 11:14:18 · update #2
Hi honey,, I missed you..... I hope all is well.....
As for your mother.... You have tried to deal with your issues and put them behind you.... You can not at this point deal with response of could of, should of, maybe if.... These are not options or solutions.... to anything. Defensive she knows what she did and she needs to take responsibility so you can move on.... Maybe you need to write her a letter. Tell her what you feel and tell her you would like to heal but you need her help... Tell her what you need from her, see if she is willing to walk through this with you... You mom is sensitive and maybe that is one of the most painful things a mom can hear... "better off with dad" . Even if it is the truth and your truth. It still hurts..... GF needs to back off, and realize that you are grown.... So right a sensitive letter from your heart and go from there... To your momi...... Got it.
2006-09-26 10:46:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I'll try. My son actually does live with me and my partner. We've raised him since he was seven years old. His father kind of drifted out of his life over the years.
It wasn't so much because we were a lesbian couple raising his son, but more so that he had another new family and couldn't be bothered to remain actively involved with his first born.
That being said, if the tables were turned, I really cannot predict how I would feel about my son being raised by his father. I know that my son is a wonderful young man, a good student, hard worker, honest, a loyal friend, compassionate, patient, athletic, creative...etc.
He's still in school. So there hasn't been any arguments like you're experiencing with your mother and her partner.
But I think your best defence is to tell her you love her and make arrengements to spend the next holiday with her.
If possible rotate who you spend holidays with.
One year your dad's family, one year your mother's.
As far as your opinion that two women cannot raise a competent man, I think you're dead wrong. But that's just my opinion.
2006-09-26 10:59:56 · answer #2 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The girlfriend should stay out of it. She's over stepping her boundary. When she starts on you, hang up or walk away. She has no relation to you and has no right to attack you.
It's not your fault your mother wasn't there. I'm sure she could have raised you, unless she's unstable. You would have turned out mostly the same.
She sounds like she feels guilty that she wasn't there so she's inventing reasons why your father and step-mother failed. They didn't fail. She needs to stop projecting her guilt onto your father.
26 is still young to get married. Work on saving your money. Enjoy being single while you can. You'll never have this time again.
I'm not surprised you don't feel attached to her. She wasn't there.
By the way, being gay does not protect you from criticism of being a bad parent. A BAD PARENT IS A BAD PARENT. It seems some people are automatically offended if you criticise a gay parent who ignores their kid.
2006-09-26 10:49:41 · answer #3 · answered by it 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is very easy to say..."that is in the past, isn't it? Why are your bring this up now? I really serves NO purpose, does it?" and leave it at that. All the 'ifs' in the world are not going to change anything, are they? You have a good life, a family that loves and supports you, so as far as I can see, your mom and her lover are superfulous...your mom can elect to be your friend, but it really is a little late to try to be a mother...who needs a mother at 26! You have done very well, and your dad has done great by you. Tell your mom exactly that, and ask her why she is trying to drag this junk up now? Stick to your guns...you do not need her lover butting into your life in any way. Good luck
2006-09-26 11:27:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I go through this with my father and his wife, except that the gay issue is on the my side. Just do your best to stay off the topic. It's not really acceptable in society to just not like one of your parents, but some of us just never grow out of not getting along with a parent. I do whatever I can to stay out of my father's house and when I can't avoid it, I try to keep the peace while I'm there. Maybe you want to mention to your mother that for the sake of the relationship, you'll all, her partner included, agree not to discuss the past.
2006-09-26 11:06:19 · answer #5 · answered by lcraesharbor 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she maybe bitter because she didn't see her baby grow up and she probably get defensive because she's in a relationship with a woman. i think you need to spend time with her (w/o the girlfriend a couple of times) and let her know who you are and really open up and find out who she is. A couple of times spend time with them both and figure out the girlfriend. i'm not concerned entirely about the gf because she's not really detemental right now. she has to be acknowledged becasue thats moms woman. try that and see what happens. if you still get harrassed, i'd tell her hey i can't deal with your crap. get it together and lets move on or leave me alone! Good Luck!
2006-09-26 11:08:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to get into an argument..its a no win situation..your Father seems to have done a fine job and taught you respect etc...you don't need to make your Mother feel inadequate...just listen and maybe try to bite your tongue...gay issues are always fraught with biases try to steer clear of them..maybe meet up with your Mother from time to time for a coffee away from the home so an argument can`t erupt..
2006-09-26 10:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by geordie.lady 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Without casting dispersions on your mothers choice of lifestyle.... Im sorry but sadly it seems that your mother made her choice, her choice was her lifestyle not her son. And now that your grown she is resentful of the fact that she wasnt there. Its an issue she will have to learn to deal with ... it was her choice.
As for you I thank God that you have a father that loves you and has raised you. You have gotten your education now and its time to get to the living of life .... dont let anyone your mother.... her "partner" nor anyone else deprive you of the joy God has for you in this life. Take your education and your job and go as far as you want to go and let her deal with her past choices.... she made them not you. If its hard to connect with her.... then her as the mother needs to consider doing what it takes to re-connect... if she chooses against that..... again thats her choice.... pray for her.... love her.... but dont allow her or her partner to drag you down.
God bless you will be keeping you in prayer :)
2006-09-26 10:43:28 · answer #8 · answered by PreacherTim63(SFECU) 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take your mom out to lunch or something where it's just the two of you,and talk with her and let her know how you feel. She is your mom,so she should listen to what u have to say. Good Luck!
2006-09-26 11:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by sexygal8321 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 26. Tell everyone to start treating you like an adult capable of making his own decisions or not to bother contacting you at all. They should respect your choice and if not, well tough for them. Also why are they bringing up the past .... you can't change it so tell them what's done is done and if they can't get over it to seek some counseling. You are an adult and deserve the right to be treated as one.
2006-09-26 10:56:24 · answer #10 · answered by God 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋